thanks lea and tomi
She has always been such a proud big sister and cuddles Mercy bear
when she is sad.
I guess it hit os hard because i didnt realise how much it had
affected her. She is such a sweet child and has besides my husband
been my main concern since her death but yesterday was the first time
it showed how much it upset her.
I can tell you now she is great to cry in front of. Whenever i would
get really upset while i was pregnant she would patmy leg and laugh
at me. The tears would stop and i would be laughing to. She is a
wonderful little girl. I ma a truly blessed mother.

Thanks for the feed back it is appreciated

--- In as_ap@..., Lea Coleman <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Pettina, have you considered giving Isabella a photo album or
picture in a frame of her very own of darling Mercy? I have recently
printed out a photo of Ben for Nara, I wrote over it 'Ben....my
brother' and when I handed it to her she said "BEM BEM BEM!"....and
promptly took it to bed with her. Nara is 22 months today and
acutely aware of where Ben is, she says his name as we drive into the
cemetary now, she fusses over his headstone, and yesterday she
pointed at the ceiling when we asked where Ben was...meaning heaven I
guess.
>
> Sage, who is now 9 (was 7.5 when he died) is very together about
her brother, very rarely getting upset about his passing now, but
time has helped her learn to cope just like it has the rest of us.
When we first got our diagnosis she was shattered beyond belief, I'd
pick her up from school howling, she'd cry at the drop of a hat, the
mere mention of baby boys got her going all the time before and after
his birth/death. It took counselling and time, lots of cuddles and
talking through feelings to get her where she is today.
>
> My only advice is that, if Isabella wants and needs Mercy, give her
what you can of Mercy, let her pick her a flower, let her hold a
picture of her. I allowed Nara to go through Ben's memory box with
me a few months back. We touched his little hospital outfit, we
looked at his footprints and handprints, and at photos of him......it
made me cry, but it was ok to have a good cry and we shouldn't censor
ourselves for our children's sakes, do we want them growing up
knowing us as emotionless women where loss is concerned? No, I sure
don't, I want my kids to know that I miss Ben like that do and that
it's ok to talk and cry about it.
>
>
> Pettina and you other beautiful girls, it's a bloody rough road for
the siblings of angels, they are often forgotten about by others when
people focus on how their parents are coping with the death of their
child. My beautiful SAge always adds Ben into the equation in
conversations, tells people she has a brother in heaven, she's so
proud.
>
> Lea xxxxxx
> Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-
fraught heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Toni <toni.hucker@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Tuesday, 8 April, 2008 9:07:20 AM
> Subject: [as_ap] Re: My Girls
>
> hey pettina...im sorry you had such a crappy day. i have only got a
> minute but i just wanted to let you know that our daughter
maddison,
> whos 8, definitly cries about kayla and tells people she has a
sister
> in heaven. maddy actually never seen kayla...not even a photo. i
> worry what that would do to her. when maddy cries and says she
misses
> kayla i just hug her...and maybe cry too...and tell her we all do
and
> its ok to feel like this and its good to remember her. maddy did
have
> counselling after kayla which they encouraged her to draw her
> feelings. i do have to go but i hope this helps a little. although
> our girls are different age. i hope everyone has a great day. my
> heart is broken today as my 8 year old told me last night she
wishes
> i was never her mum :( i am sad. but am pretty sure(and hopeful)
> she didn't mean it. Toni xoxox
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> wrote:
> >
> > Things have been a bit rough and i have had trouble getting out
of
> bed
> > in the morning due to sickness and the ungodly hour isabella
likes
> to
> > wake at the moment. This morning she got into Mercy's photo book
> that
> > i keep in my bag and got a smack which just snow balled.
> >
> > She started crying and saying that she "needs mercy" and
she "wants
> > mercy" then preceeded to tell me that she was sad and followed
this
> up
> > by "Mercy dies Mercy dies".
> >
> > Needless to say Mummy had a lot of tears too and it was an
> emotional
> > start to the day.
> >
> > When John and I chose to carry to term we askerd how this would
> affect
> > Isabella. She was 13months when Mercy was born and we were told
> that
> > she would barely remember. Ohhh how my heart broke this morning.
> >
> > Has anyone else experienced these moments with there kids.
Isabella
> is
> > only 20 months now
> >
>
>
>
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