Hi everyone,

It has been very interesting to read of your experiences at the moment, especially those going through a subsequent pregnancy and all the anxiety that this brings. I’m not yet at that point, but it is good to know there are people out there who understand what I’m going through now and will go through in the future.

I wanted to share a bit more about myself with you all. I am currently 29 weeks pregnant with a baby boy, Matthew who is anencephalic. We found out at the 12 week scan, and of course were shocked and upset about the diagnosis. I had been taking folate and there was no family history or anything like that for us to even suspect that there may be a problem. In fact during the ultrasound, I told the sonographer how all I really wanted to see was that the heart was beating, and what a relief to see that. She completed the scan before sending the radiographer in, who told us they had detected an abnormality and we would have to go and see our GP about it. What a terrible 30 or 40 minutes of waiting to find out what was wrong! It makes me feel teary and a bit sick just recalling the fear that I felt at that moment.

Anyway, our GP was lovely and took all the time we needed, even though it was after 5pm and she had a waiting room full of people yet to see. We found the decision to continue the pregnancy an easy one, and my husband (Chris) and I were both in agreement on this one, thankfully. We are both Christians, and felt that it was not our decision as to how long our baby should live, and we were prepared to go through with the pregnancy as long as it would happen. This baby, which we found out at 19 weeks is a boy (now called Matthew) is a precious member of our family, no matter how short his life is, and we thank God for giving us Matthew to look after for this time.

We have had a lot of support from our friends (mostly from our church “family”) and our own families too, although they are facing their own grief through this, I guess, and some of them don’t live close by, which has made communication difficult. One of our biggest challenges has been talking to our 2 year old daughter Anabelle (almost 2 years 5 months) about Matthew and trying to give her little bits of information about him so her expectations will not be too far off when it comes to the birth/afterwards. She is very clued up about the fact that Mummy is having a baby, and has been from very early on (before the scan), so there has been no hiding the fact. She says things now like “Belle love Matthew”, “Matthew’s nice” and she kisses my belly and says hello to him. I would be interested to hear of any of your experiences with older siblings and how you explained things to them and especially anyone who may have had 2-3 year old children at the time.

Today we had an appointment with the head paediatrician at Maitland hospital, which is where we will be having Matthew. He was really nice and answered all our questions, although we may not see him again – it is hard to predict what we/Matthew might need, but at least we know they are there if we want to call on them.

I’ll leave this email at that – I look forward to being able to “type up” my feelings again and share them with you - this has been good for me.

Thanks for your support,

Love Vanessa

From: Lea <leannec72@...>
Subject: [as_ap] Welcome Vanessa
To: as_ap@...
Received: Tuesday, 27 May, 2008, 11:32 PM

Vanessa, welcome to AS~AP

I am so sad to read that you are needing the support of our group
during your pregnancy, I dearly hope that you will find that we are
able to give you good counsel as you wade through the ups and downs
of your emotions at this time.

My name is Lea, I'm co-founder of the group. I gave birth to my twin
son ~Ben~ and his sister Nara on 8 June 2006 at 34 weeks gestation,
~Ben~ survived for 1 hour and 21 minutes and he passed away
peacefully in his daddy's arms.

We live in far northern NSW along with our eldest daughter Sage, Nara
our surviving twin and our rainbow baby Arden.

Please feel free to write and tell us all about yourself...feel free
to ask as many questions and talk as much as you need to about your
feelings, that's what we're here for.

If you feel you might like to talk to me on the phone, please send me
an email and I'll give you a buzz or vice versa.

Lea xxxxxx