Hi Pettina,

Thanks for asking - it has been a difficult week. The scan was OK - Matthew is growing OK, but at the moment is breech, and my amniotic fluid levels are fine. The interesting part was that my reaction this time and that of my husband were very different. I knew that we would grieve differently, and I guess that's what is happening. When we had the 19 week scan, I found it quite distressing to see the baby's head and be hit with the reality of his appearance. Chris on the other hand was quite interested and didn't mind so much. The next scan we had we couldn't actually see the head because he was rammed down in my pelvis - so we have a photo on our fridge of Matthew's chin, mouth and nose and nothing else! Chris loves this photo and so do I. This scan we got what I thought were some really cute pictures of his whole face, but they do show the point where his head ends, and this Chris found hard to see this time. He much prefers the photo we have on the fridge, which is fair enough. He's been feeling quite down about the whole thing this last few weeks and is prone to depression anyway. It is so hard to see him go through this. Today I came home early from work, cause I just felt teary all day and paralysed - I couldn't concentrate to get anything done, and I have plenty to do and only 4 weeks left before my leave.

Thankfully a mate of Chris' rang this afternoon and they've gone out for dinner tonight -  I hope that they can talk about things, because I know he is craving a friend to talk to.

Vanessa

 

--- On Mon, 14/7/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...> wrote:

From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...>
Subject: [as_ap] Re: Welcome Vanessa
To: as_ap@...
Received: Monday, 14 July, 2008, 5:32 PM

vANESSA
how did your scan go???

--- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@ ...>
wrote:
>
> Vanessa
>
> I will be praying for you and your family tomorrow as you see your
> little man again.
> Would love to meet up whenever you are ready. Im sure the girls
> would enjoy a play as well. My personal email adress is
> pettles8@...
>
> --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> <chrisandvanessamur phy@> wrote:
> >
> > HI Pettina & Lea,
> > Thank you for your lovely messages to me - they meant a lot.
> > I have found it very important lately to search out stories of
> other women who have been through anencephaly & understand the
> variety of experiences women have.
> > We have another ultrasound to "see" Matthew tomorrow. I'm really
> looking forward to it and hope that he is in a good position to
see
> him. We are taking Anabelle with us this time too.
> > Pettina, I would like to meet you if you are comfortable with
> that. So, perhaps we could email further about that if you like.
> > Thanks,
> > Vanessa
> >
> >
> > --- On Tue, 1/7/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ > wrote:
> >
> > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ >
> > Subject: [as_ap] Re: Welcome Vanessa
> > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > Received: Tuesday, 1 July, 2008, 4:43 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Vanessa
> >
> > Wow.. Our stories sound so similiar. I ilive on the central
Coast
> > and at 6 weeks was told I had most likely miscarried our
precious
> > Mercy Grace but 2 weeks later there her heart beat was. After 3
> > weeks they checked to make sure the bleed was clearing and i
found
> > out that my daughter had anencephaly. I was 11.5 weeks at the
> time.
> > With a 6 month old at home.
> > My husband and i are also christians tho we kept the news to
> ourself
> > as it was late Friday and we had to have a level 2 scan on the
> > Monday. The anencephaly was confirmed and we were told that we
HAD
> > to abort. Luckily we had the weekend as my husband and i were
> unsure
> > of this decision. When then went home to think it through and
were
> > given a week so the EASY termination option could still be done.
> Wow
> > are some doctors horrid.
> > We decided that we would be best keeping her as long as we
> possibly
> > could.
> > At the 19 week scan we discovered we were having another little
> > girl. Mercy Grace.
> > At 38 weeks 4 days i had a selective induction. Luckily one lot
of
> > gel was all i needed to put me in full labour.
> > On Monday 24th September 2007 our beautiful Mercy Grace was born
> > alive and weighing a whole 4 pounds 5 ounces.
> > We were even further blessed when our beautiful daughter carried
> on
> > living for another 5 weeks 4 days 18.5 hours.
> > Isabella was 13 months when Mercy Grace was born. so a bit
younger
> > than what you are experiencing so was never really explained to
> her
> > that Mercy was sick tho she knew i was pregnant and would
> frequently
> > feed her the bottle thru my belly button.
> > To this day she kisses Mercys photos and cuddles her bear tight.
> > They formed a lovely bond.
> >
> > You appear to live so close so if you would like to catch up
> please
> > let me know though dont feel any pressure.
> >
> > Pettina
> >
> > --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> > <chrisandvanessamur phy@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi everyone,
> > >  
> > > It has been very interesting to read of your experiences at
the
> > moment, especially those going through a subsequent pregnancy
and
> > all the anxiety that this brings. I’m not yet at that
> point, but
> > it is good to know there are people out there who understand
what
> > I’m going through now and will go through in the future.
> > >  
> > > I wanted to share a bit more about myself with you all. I am
> > currently 29 weeks pregnant with a baby boy, Matthew who is
> > anencephalic. We found out at the 12 week scan, and of course
were
> > shocked and upset about the diagnosis. I had been taking folate
> and
> > there was no family history or anything like that for us to even
> > suspect that there may be a problem. In fact during the
> ultrasound,
> > I told the sonographer how all I really wanted to see was that
the
> > heart was beating, and what a relief to see that. She completed
> the
> > scan before sending the radiographer in, who told us they had
> > detected an abnormality and we would have to go and see our GP
> about
> > it. What a terrible 30 or 40 minutes of waiting to find out what
> was
> > wrong! It makes me feel teary and a bit sick just recalling the
> fear
> > that I felt at that moment.
> > >  
> > > Anyway, our GP was lovely and took all the time we needed,
even
> > though it was after 5pm and she had a waiting room full of
people
> > yet to see. We found the decision to continue the pregnancy an
> easy
> > one, and my husband (Chris) and I were both in agreement on this
> > one, thankfully. We are both Christians, and felt that it was
not
> > our decision as to how long our baby should live, and we were
> > prepared to go through with the pregnancy as long as it would
> > happen. This baby, which we found out at 19 weeks is a boy (now
> > called Matthew) is a precious member of our family, no matter
how
> > short his life is, and we thank God for giving us Matthew to
look
> > after for this time.
> > >  
> > > We have had a lot of support from our friends (mostly from our
> > church â€Å"family�) and our own families too, although
> they are
> > facing their own grief through this, I guess, and some of them
> > don’t live close by, which has made communication
> difficult. One
> > of our biggest challenges has been talking to our 2 year old
> > daughter Anabelle (almost 2 years 5 months) about Matthew and
> trying
> > to give her little bits of information about him so her
> expectations
> > will not be too far off when it comes to the birth/afterwards.
She
> > is very clued up about the fact that Mummy is having a baby, and
> has
> > been from very early on (before the scan), so there has been no
> > hiding the fact. She says things now like â€Å"Belle love
> Matthew�,
> > â€Å"Matthew’s nice� and she kisses my belly and
> says hello to
> > him. I would be interested to hear of any of your experiences
with
> > older siblings and how you explained things to them and
especially
> > anyone who may have had 2-3 year old
> > > children at the time.
> > >  
> > > Today we had an appointment with the head paediatrician at
> > Maitland hospital, which is where we will be having Matthew. He
> was
> > really nice and answered all our questions, although we may not
> see
> > him again â€" it is hard to predict what we/Matthew might
need,
> but
> > at least we know they are there if we want to call on them.
> > >  
> > > I’ll leave this email at that â€" I look forward to
> being able
> > to â€Å"type up� my feelings again and share them with
> you - this
> > has been good for me.
> > >  
> > > Thanks for your support,
> > > Love Vanessa
> > >
> > > --- On Tue, 27/5/08, Lea <leannec72@ ..> wrote:
> > >
> > > From: Lea <leannec72@ ..>
> > > Subject: [as_ap] Welcome Vanessa
> > > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > > Received: Tuesday, 27 May, 2008, 11:32 PM
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Vanessa, welcome to AS~AP
> > >
> > > I am so sad to read that you are needing the support of our
> group
> > > during your pregnancy, I dearly hope that you will find that
we
> > are
> > > able to give you good counsel as you wade through the ups and
> > downs
> > > of your emotions at this time.
> > >
> > > My name is Lea, I'm co-founder of the group. I gave birth to
my
> > twin
> > > son ~Ben~ and his sister Nara on 8 June 2006 at 34 weeks
> > gestation,
> > > ~Ben~ survived for 1 hour and 21 minutes and he passed away
> > > peacefully in his daddy's arms.
> > >
> > > We live in far northern NSW along with our eldest daughter
Sage,
> > Nara
> > > our surviving twin and our rainbow baby Arden.
> > >
> > > Please feel free to write and tell us all about
yourself...feel
> > free
> > > to ask as many questions and talk as much as you need to about
> > your
> > > feelings, that's what we're here for.
> > >
> > > If you feel you might like to talk to me on the phone, please
> send
> > me
> > > an email and I'll give you a buzz or vice versa.
> > >
> > > Lea xxxxxx
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Get the name you always wanted with the new y7mail email
> > address.
> > > www.yahoo7.com. au/mail
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Start at the new Yahoo!7 for a better online experience.
> www.yahoo7.com. au
> >
>