From: Lea Coleman <leannec72@...>
Subject: Re: [as_ap] Re: Matthew
To: as_ap@...
Received: Saturday, 27 September, 2008, 9:08 PM

Vanessa, your words for Matthew's funeral were beautiful, as were the many special touches you included on his funeral day. 

 

Reading about your feelings, wanting your son back got to me, I think I can safely say all of us here understand that longing for your child to be with you, and to return to where they rest as often as possible.  Oh, and the washing of his clothing gosh, you were so brave to do that now.

 

Just remember that we are all here for you love, you, Chris, Anabelle and all your family, this group is open to those around you who also had to say goodbye to a special little boy in your son Matthew, so please extend an invitation to them if they feel they'd like to share in the support we can offer each other.  That goes to all our members, there are so many grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings out there who are no doubt missing our babies too, we are here for them.

 

I also wanted to add that I was stunned that you were able to visit with your friend's new baby, my dear girl, you must have so much courage within you to do so, it took me many months to be ok seeing other people's happy endings with babies, not that I wasn't joyful for them, just hurt too much to sit and question 'why them and not me?'.

 

Big hugs, holler if you need anything love.

 

Lea xxxxxx

Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare

 

----- Original Message ----
From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ yahoo.com. au>
To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
Sent: Saturday, 27 September, 2008 5:55:22 PM
Subject: [as_ap] Re: Matthew

Vanessa

Such a beautiful message you gave at his fneral. It sounds soo
lovely with all the balloons for the kids.

Iknow how hard the washing bit was. After Mercy passed there was a
few things (a blanket in particular that i just couldnt bring myself
to wash for a while. I didnt wan to lose that precious smell. I also
had trouble removing the car seat.

I am soo proud of you, your husband and Annabelle for walking such a
tough road together.

I will keep praying for you all.



--- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
<chrisandvanessamurp hy@...> wrote:
>
> Sat 27th
>  
> I have finally washed his clothes. I have been dreading it, but
knew it had to be done. “It won’t bring him back�, I told
myself, leaving his blood on his hat, and the goop on his singlet.
“You have to wash them eventually�…..So I did it. We had
changed Matthew into a fresh set of clothes and even a fresh nappy
(Chris wanted to change his bum like we used to do for his sister
when she was a baby, so we did) and he looked so cute when we left
him.
> The night before last, my best friend had a beautiful baby girl,
Nicole Eloise. We went to visit her yesterday. Such a beautiful baby
and seemed to me to be surprisingly so warm and alert -  she opened
her eyes to look at me and moved her mouth like she wanted to be fed
and had such a beautiful full head of brown hair. So alive, and so
normal.
> I miss my boy. I want my baby back. At the moment, I want to visit
the grave every day just so I remember him and can cry for him. We
decided not to go on Thursday, just to have a day off. “We can’t
go every day� we thought. We took Anabelle on Friday. She wanted
to know where the rug was, and where the tent was that was over the
hole on Tuesday. On Wednesday she had gone to day care and told Jess
“Matthew’s in a box in heaven�. On Friday we tried to explain
that while the box is in this bit of ground, Matthew’s soul is in
heaven and that is a different place.
“Daddy….Daddy….Daddy…� she kept saying, like she had
questions but didn’t know how to ask them. We talked to Aunty
Teresa last night, and 4 year old Gabriel’s understanding of
things is that Matthew is playing golf (he’s buried against the
fence that backs onto the East Maitland golf course). At least I
know that Anabelle’s not the only one who hasn’t quite got all
>  the facts straight!
> The funeral on Tuesday was beautiful, even enjoyable â€" we had a
“good� day celebrating his life and mourning his loss at the
same time. The church was full â€" about 200 people we think came
along which was lovely. We had balloons up the front, and after the
service, the kids were invited to come and take one home. At the
graveside, my friend Cathy had some blue irises for the children to
lay on the casket after it had been lowered into the ground.
Anabelle went first, then we watched her friends come and throw the
flowers in. This was lovely too. Chris and I both spoke at the
service. It was hard, but I knew I had to do it and I’m so glad I
did. I had a photo of me with Anabelle and Matthew, my 2 beautiful
children, which was on the screen behind me as I spoke.
> Here is what I said:
>  
> These are my 2 beautiful children whom I love very much. Anabelle
as many of you know is a very happy bright little girl, who loves
all the special people around her. My beautiful boy Matthew has been
a significant part of our family for all of this year. We’ve
anticipated his arrival since early January, shed many tears as we
realised that our time together would only be short, but also tried
to celebrate the special moments that we did have together all
along. A few months ago, I was preparing Anabelle for the fact that
her little brother would most likely never come home with us. In her
2 year old wisdom, she confidently announced while pointing to my
belly “No Mummy, Matthew is home with us now!� How right she was
â€" Matthew has been home with us for many months. I, in particular
was blessed to carry him as a part of myself all the way to 40 weeks
and 4 days. He was an active boy â€" far more energetic than
Anabelle was in utero â€" always
>  kicking me and very responsive to touch, especially from his
Daddy or his sister. This was his little personality that we got to
experience and cherish as a family. Matthew making his presence
known among us whenever someone got too close to my belly! He was a
kicker right to the end, even moving his lips as he was being born.
That was my boy. He hung on until the end against all odds and
statistics. I love his chubby cheeks and chubby thighs and his
little feet which always stuck out on my left side. I love him
because he is Matthew, my boy and no-one else will ever replace him
in my heart.
>  
> God loves him too and made him just the way he was. One of the
bible passages that has given me great encouragement comes from
Psalm 139. “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. For you
created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. …My
frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw
my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your
book before one of them came to be�.
>  
> Matthew will always be my precious boy, my beautiful boy that grew
inside me and came out to meet me before going ahead to meet my
Lord. Of course I wanted to be able to hold him for longer, care for
him and help him grow up, but now I have to trust that my loving
heavenly Father is doing those things for him now.
>  
>  
>
> --- On Fri, 26/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...> wrote:
>
> From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...>
> Subject: [as_ap] Re: Mercy's first Birthday(thanks and Vanessa)
> To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> Received: Friday, 26 September, 2008, 10:53 AM
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Thanks girls for the wonderful messages it has left me feeling
> supported.
>
> I did so well on Wednesday though yesterday i felt sooo exhausted
> and emotional. I just feel empty.(which is hard due to all the
> moving going on in my belly).
>
> Vanessa, Im so sorry i missed the funeral. To be honest it was due
> to her birthday being the next day. I wasnt so sure i would cope
> very well and thought it best just to send you my love instead. Im
> sure it was a beautiful day. When your ready i would love to take
a
> trip to maitland to deliver you a hug and just catch up with how
you
> are doing. The picture of Matthew was beautiful. He had such a
> gorgeous face.
>
> Love Pettina
>
> --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> <chrisandvanessamur phy@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Pettina,
> > I read your message last night - it was beautiful. I knew that
> Mercy's birthday was coming up soon, but with everything else
going
> on this week, the date had slipped my mind.
> > It's beautiful to hear how you spent the day as a family
> remembering her. I hope that we will find meaningful things to
> remember Matthew by as the years go on.
> > I would like to write to you all about Matthew's funeral which
was
> held a few days ago. Will come back to the computer later tonight
to
> try.......
> > Love Vanessa
> >
> > --- On Wed, 24/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...>
> > Subject: [as_ap] Mercy's first Birthday
> > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > Received: Wednesday, 24 September, 2008, 3:50 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Well it has already been a year. Where on earth did it go. Happy
> > First Birthday Mercy Grace Beves.
> >
> > WE let some Balloons go. A gift for her in heaven and spent the
> day as
> > a family. We will have a dinner and a cake in rememberance of
her
> > tonight. I might Baby cupcakes. I thought them fitting
considering
> her
> > size.
> >
> > Im surprised how well im doing. I feel..... words cant describe
> but im
> > definitely not falling apart. I guess for us we are lucky that
we
> dont
> > celebrate her birth and mourn her loss on the same day. Tho that
> > doesnt change that she isnt here and i dont miss her like mad. I
> wanna
> > buy her so many things. Instead we will just buy her a special
> stake
> > to put n her rose plant.
> >
> > Sorry anout the rant, just wanted to share my day so far.
> >
> > Vanessa i hope your doing well.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7
> Mail! http://au.yahoo. com/y7mail
> >
>
> 
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>      Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7
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