Vanessa

Its great to see you expressing yourself soo well. The milestones of
our babies lives will forever bring up emotions i believe.
Thinking of you and praying you are doing alright. Feel free to call
if you wanna have a chat.
How is the sickness going??
How have you coped today???


--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Tomorrow it is 12 months since we found out that Matthew had
> anencephaly. It feels like today is the anniversary, because today
it
> is Monday, and the scan was a Monday last year, and it was late in
> the day when we had the scan and went to the doctor to talk things
> over. On Mondays we go to Matthew's grave usually, because he was
> also born and died on a Monday, and today (and often lately) I was
> crying before we even got there. My life was changed that day. In
a
> similar way that I can't "remember" much about what life felt like
> prior to being married (I've been married 10 years, since I was
21),
> I can't remember what it was like "pre-Matthew" - the innocence we
> must have had, the worries which were so inconsequential in
> comparison to losing your baby. I have been grieving for my son
for a
> year. In 2 weeks we'll be remembering 6 months since he died. 6
> months of grief before he even came, and 6 months afterwards. It's
> surreal.
> I plan to go to my Mum's garden in the morning and pick some nice
> flowers (any flowers will do, as my garden isn't producing
anything
> much at the moment!) and take them back to the grave. For the 6
> months date, I have ordered a heap of thank you cards with
Matthew's
> photo on them to send out. After Matthew died, there were so many
> people who helped us in many ways. I've always been big on thank
you
> notes, but Chris convinced me at the time not to worry about them.
> I'm glad I didn't. At the time I only wrote to thank those who
came
> to visit Matthew and I included the photo that was taken of them
with
> Matthew for them to keep. But now, I really feel the need to thank
> the many other people whose kindness to us is not forgotten, just
as
> Matthew is not forgotten, even after 6 months and now being into
> another pregnancy. I felt it would be an appropriate way to
> acknowledge Matthew, as well as give me the chance to say thank
you.
> I still find the thought of that day 12 months ago quite shocking,
> and so so sad. I miss my boy, I miss the fact that we didn't get
more
> time to know each other but am so glad for the brief time I had.
> Well I think that's enough from me for tonight, I just needed to
> express & acknowledge those thoughts.
> Vanessa
>