Hi Everyone,

Our little boy Alex James Murdoch was born via c-section on Thursday 2nd April
2009 at 3.12pm, he become an angel at 3.27pm, we had him with us for 15 precious
minutes.

Alex weight 880grams, (1lb,15oz)
Length 35cms, (nearly 14 inches)
Alex was 30.1 weeks when he was born.

In such hard times I can see how God was working everything together.
I had gotten to the point that carrying him was affecting my health,
due to the "poly". But I couldn't say myself it was time to have our
little man. I had to and was holding out until the doctor said it's time. My
doctor and midwife were both away on holidays. Our midwife had told us if Alex
was going to be born that she whould would come in, as she wasn't going away
anywhere. The replacement doctor we had was fantastic, he has the best bedside
manner, just what was needed in our situation. I had asked previously about my
mother coming in to the theatre but was told this wasn't possible. The best we
could hope for was Mum coming into the recovery room. I just wanted my mum to
hold Alex while he was alive, and I guess I didn't think he would make it to the
recover room. (which he didn't). I was due to go to Theatre
at 3.30pm, but they came for me at 2.15pm, lots of things happened
last minute. Mum was allowed to come into the Theatre with me and
my husband Stephen. Someone from the hospital video taped for us in Theatre,
which normally no video cameras are allowed in the Theatre.
So Stephen, Mum and myself all got to hold Alex while he was alive.
We have some great pictures of Alex and Alex with our family.
I haven't seen the video footage yet. Plus my sister and family had a
holiday booked, so I thought that they wouldn't be around when Alex
was born but it worked out that they flew out the night of the funeral.
The other amazing thing was most of my family didn't want to see Alex
and that hurt me, but the way things happened on the day,
both my sisters saw him and it mean the world to me. The paedetrician we had
was also fantastic he saw us a couple of days after Alex was
born and said that Alex had a severe case of anen. And even if I had
of been physically able to continue carrying him, (as we were hoping
to get to 36 weeks, then have the c-section)it may not have given us
any more time with our little boy. This made me feel a bit better
knowing that a few more weeks in our case my have not made a difference. As I
had felt guilty about not being able to continue carrrying him any longer.

We kept Alex with us in our room for two days, it was so heart renching letting
them (funeral people) come and take away Alex.
I learnt crying after having a c-section isn't a good idea, it hurts
beyond words.

We had his funeral on Monday 6th April at 10.30am, I was discharged from the
hospital that morning and went straight to the funeral service. It was a lovely
service everything that we had hoped for,
I'm so glad that we arranged it in advance as the morning after Alex was born I
couldn't even fill in the hospital meal menu form and all I had to do was tick
boxes. There is no way that we could have given justice to arrange a funeral
service. We had a public funeral and it was great so many people came to
remember Alex. Somehow (with God's help) Stephen and I each read a poem at the
funeral service.

Today it's a week since our little boy was born, I know life is
supposed to go on but it's soo hard.
I'm just trying to taking a day at a time, the tears just keep
flowing, it feels so empty without him, life isn't supposted to
be like this, but on the other side I know that God has been with
us and I can see that as everything worked out so well.
(in the circumstances)

Sorry it's such a long novel to read, but I really wanted to share it
all with you.

Thanks for reading.

Natalie
Mummy to ^Alex^ 2nd April 2009
Mummy to Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2