Pettina, what a beautiful message to Elizabeth.
I just thought I'd touch on falling pregnant again after losing a child to anen as I'm in the process of baking a rainbow baby at the moment so it's all very fresh in my mind.
My period returned just over 4.5 months after the twins were born and we lost Ben, I was still breastfeeding Nara regularly so I didn't expect miracles, but our trying to conceive (TTC) began then. It wasn't until Nara was down to one or two feeds a day that it happened, but.....I don't think it was even about my body being ready to conceive, for me it was in my head and my heart.
On the day that we conceived this child I went to a market and got myself a short accupressure massage from this wonderful man. As he worked on my tired muscles he was working on my head and heart too, we talked about my grief, about how I was TTC and not having any luck after several months of trying. I told him it's like I had something to let go of and he asked I knew what it was. I answered 'yes, I think I know' and said "well there's nothing stopping you if you do".
It was like someone gave me permission to let go of the hurt long enough to give way to a new life. I was given permission by someone, and myself, to do it and know that Ben wouldn't feel less loved or missed, and certainly not like he was being replaced. On my word that is the night I fell pregnant with this baby...I have since told that wonderful man he had a part to play in this child's life being created that night and he was so pleased.
It's no coincidence, in my mind at least, that my period was due on the day of Ben & Nara's 1st birthday, and the 1st anniversary of his death.........that was the day that I knew for certain that I was pregnant when my period didn't arrive. I felt it was like Ben giving his blessing, letting me know that he had sent me a gift somehow.....since that moment I have felt very much that he is watching over me and this baby very closely indeed.
I don't believe that my new baby would've come to me had I not reached that point where I forgave myself for whatever I thought I'd done wrong by Ben...........for not being able to help him, for somehow disrespecting him by 'moving on' into a new pregnancy. Our angels aren't judging us, they want us to be happy and if having a rainbow baby will bring you joy, then they will indeed want that for you as much as you do yourself.
If/when you do fall pregnant with your rainbow babies, know that it isn't always the joyful ride you'd want it to be. The fear is definately there, I didn't think I'd feel it as intensly has I have but oh my, it makes me fretful. I often catch myself wondering how I was so calm about Nara after she was born when I'm so worried about this baby......like somehow she was so strong and a survivor but this baby is at peril at every turn.
Take your folate in high doses, don't wait to start taking it til you think you're ready to TTC do it now, speak to a GP and I recommend seeing a naturopath. Get genetic counselling if you can.....ask your doctor how. Look after your body, your heart and your soul, allow yourself time and more than anything, dare to dream.
Lea
Mum to Sage, Nara and angel baby ~Ben~
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare
----- Original Message ----
From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...>
To: as_ap@...
Sent: Friday, 11 January, 2008 6:15:54 PM
Subject: [as_ap] (unknown)
Hi elizabeth
Its so nice to meet you. Everyones story seems so different but all
the babies just as special. I hope you and your husband are able to
talk in time and name your baby together.
My husband and i are taking things as they come and just hoping that
ill fall pregnant when my body is ready again. Im terrified i have
to admit. I ask myself all the time,What if something is wrong
again? Could i carry to term again if something is wrong? what if i
cant fall pregnant this time? etc etc and than i think just relax
but i so desperately want another little one. But im also terrified
that having another one will make Mercy's death too real, so what if
i dont cope? I feel like ive been the rock of this family since her
passing, my husband is starting to do better now but christmas was
tuff for us. Like you my Mercy has only been gone a short time (10
weeks tomorrow).
I hope to hear more from you soon.
--- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@...> wrote:
>
> hello to all,
> My name is Elizabeth. 9 weeks ago i had a interuption of pregnancy
> because my baby girl had anencephaly. It was the hardest decision
> that i have ever had to make but i knew that i couldn't go to full
> term knowing that she wouldn't have survived. Not only could i not
> put myself through that heart break but i couldn't do it to my
> husband, kids, family or friends. I envy every one here who did
> decide to go on. Unfortunally i know that i am not strong enough
for
> that. I found out that our baby had this awful condition at 14
weeks
> when i went for a scan. The lady who done the scan was not very
nice
> with the way she told me. It was a case of your baby has no scull,
it
> will die, you have to get rid of it. i couldn't believe what i was
> hearing. We got taken to brisbane where i had another scan to
confirm
> it and they took me in the next day for the interuption of
pregnancy.
> It took a further 7 weeks before they could tell me that our baby
was
> a girl. We still haven't named her yet. I want to but my husband
> doesn't. he is a typical guy that really doesn't like talking
about
> it. I thought that i was handling the grieving process really well
> until about 3 weeks later and i was a complete mess. I ended up
> phoning a support group called sands and fould them really good to
> talk too. They called me back a few days later and gave me the
number
> for a lady who had also had a interuption of pregnancy as her baby
> had the same condition. We have became so close over the past few
> weeks and it is so good to have some one who lives only 20mins
away
> who is going through the exact same thing as what i am. I have
made a
> little memorial garden in my yard and i have a few things inside
so i
> have some thing to remember her by (not that i would ever forget
> her). I desperatly want another baby, (not to replace the one that
i
> lost) I just don't know when its a good time to start trying.
We're
> not doing any thing to prevent it from happening, i just don't
know
> how i am going to react when i find out that i am pregnant again.
i
> guess i will be excited but also really scared until i have the
first
> scan and find out that he/she is ok. Well, i had better be off.
Hope
> to talk to some one soon.
>
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From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...>
To: as_ap@...
Sent: Friday, 11 January, 2008 6:15:54 PM
Subject: [as_ap] (unknown)
Hi elizabeth
Its so nice to meet you. Everyones story seems so different but all
the babies just as special. I hope you and your husband are able to
talk in time and name your baby together.
My husband and i are taking things as they come and just hoping that
ill fall pregnant when my body is ready again. Im terrified i have
to admit. I ask myself all the time,What if something is wrong
again? Could i carry to term again if something is wrong? what if i
cant fall pregnant this time? etc etc and than i think just relax
but i so desperately want another little one. But im also terrified
that having another one will make Mercy's death too real, so what if
i dont cope? I feel like ive been the rock of this family since her
passing, my husband is starting to do better now but christmas was
tuff for us. Like you my Mercy has only been gone a short time (10
weeks tomorrow).
I hope to hear more from you soon.
--- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@...> wrote:
>
> hello to all,
> My name is Elizabeth. 9 weeks ago i had a interuption of pregnancy
> because my baby girl had anencephaly. It was the hardest decision
> that i have ever had to make but i knew that i couldn't go to full
> term knowing that she wouldn't have survived. Not only could i not
> put myself through that heart break but i couldn't do it to my
> husband, kids, family or friends. I envy every one here who did
> decide to go on. Unfortunally i know that i am not strong enough
for
> that. I found out that our baby had this awful condition at 14
weeks
> when i went for a scan. The lady who done the scan was not very
nice
> with the way she told me. It was a case of your baby has no scull,
it
> will die, you have to get rid of it. i couldn't believe what i was
> hearing. We got taken to brisbane where i had another scan to
confirm
> it and they took me in the next day for the interuption of
pregnancy.
> It took a further 7 weeks before they could tell me that our baby
was
> a girl. We still haven't named her yet. I want to but my husband
> doesn't. he is a typical guy that really doesn't like talking
about
> it. I thought that i was handling the grieving process really well
> until about 3 weeks later and i was a complete mess. I ended up
> phoning a support group called sands and fould them really good to
> talk too. They called me back a few days later and gave me the
number
> for a lady who had also had a interuption of pregnancy as her baby
> had the same condition. We have became so close over the past few
> weeks and it is so good to have some one who lives only 20mins
away
> who is going through the exact same thing as what i am. I have
made a
> little memorial garden in my yard and i have a few things inside
so i
> have some thing to remember her by (not that i would ever forget
> her). I desperatly want another baby, (not to replace the one that
i
> lost) I just don't know when its a good time to start trying.
We're
> not doing any thing to prevent it from happening, i just don't
know
> how i am going to react when i find out that i am pregnant again.
i
> guess i will be excited but also really scared until i have the
first
> scan and find out that he/she is ok. Well, i had better be off.
Hope
> to talk to some one soon.
>
Yahoo!7 Groups Links
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http://au.groups.yahoo.com/group/as_ap/
<*> Your email settings:
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<*> To change settings online go to:
http://au.groups.yahoo.com/group/as_ap/join
(Yahoo! ID required)
<*> To change settings via email:
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<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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