Hey there everyone,

Well in answer to your question Lea life is not so great at the
moment. Mores downs than ups lately but I am sure the storm will come
to an end soon. The family are great  Ab is getting so big now and
Taighan well he is just a little munchkin.  Hope every one is doing
well especially Pettina and Chris and Vanessa.  Well talk to you all
soon.  Lots of love Tammie

I'd love to know how each of you are doing at the moment, if you get a
chance, please come in and give us all an update on how life is
treating you all.

Lea xxxxxxx

Vanessa

I wanted to touch on this last night and forgot to in my tired state.

"It all felt way too "normal" a thing to be doing at a time like
this. I feel like I shouldn't be doing normal things when my baby is
not here with me. I've never grieved anyone's death before and it is
a strange thing. My feelings of the last few days - dazed, confused,
vulnerable, want to hide from the world, yet also want to keep
talking about Matthew to keep my memories of him alive."

I'll never forget having the very same feelings, during my pregnancy
after I found out about Ben's anen, and of course, after losing him.

I would catch myself smiling or happy at times and wonder how the
heck I could be when my heart was disintergrating.  But I had the
good advice from someone wise to be thankful for the fact that I
could still find the happiness and joy in life despite the pain I
was feeling.

Don't second guess or feel guilty for being 'normal'.  It's often
hard to understand how the rest of the world doesn't stop revolving
when you're grieving.  How people can carry on their lives normally
when you are hurting so badly, then you realise that you too are
going on with life.

That's exactly how it's meant to be.......and I truly believe that
our angel babies would want that for us.  Mummy, get up, smile
today, be happy, find joy in the little things.  They want us to
survive and thrive, they don't want us to dip into the darkness of
depression and not leave the house for months at a time...I'm so
certain of that.

It's not to say, of course, that if we find ourselves suffering
depression and unable to get out of bed or walk out the backdoor to
hang out the washing that they'll be disappointed in us, they know
we are hurting. They'll do all they can to show us little signs that
they are closer than we realise.

And as far as talking about Matthew to keep your memories alive is
concerned, that's exactly what you should do if you feel that need.

I want to suggest you try joining the sids & kids online forum if I
haven't before, as an additional outlet for your feelings about
Matthew.  It's a safe haven for expression about the loss of a
child, during pregnancy or infancy.

After Ben's death I was numb for a good 6 months, it took Christmas
and New year to come before I finally started to 'feel'. I'd been so
immersed in caring for Nara, bringing home a premmie bubba, dealing
with her operation and learning to care for her eye problem that I'd
put a lot of my grieving on the shelf to deal with later, when it
hit it did so with a vengance.  Off to the psychologist I was wizzed
only to be told how normal and healthy my reactions and the way I
was dealing with it was (lots of tears in the quiet of the night).

Ok, better scoot and get Nara off to daycare.

Lotsa big hugs coming your way today Vanessa, just remember to pick
up the phone or holler to me on messenger if you need me, that goes
for anyone on this group, I am here for you all.

It's so good to be able to write my feelings when there's no-one else
around to listen to them!
I have found the photo section tonight too and have posted some
photos of Matthew.


--- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@...>
wrote:
>
> Vanessa
>
> Please dont ever feel you need to apologise for expressing how you
> feel. Your feelings are so valid and true.
> It is hard to "get on with life" without your child.
> I remember the day Mercy passed away it took me a while to be ready
> to let her go from our home and my arms. I even went and had a
sleep
> with her still in my arms.
> My husbands family is very much the same, we have to bring our
> little girl up, but when we do my MIL is usually great and doesnt
> mind having a chat about her (she listens any way)
> I really hope you are able to get some rest and peaceful family
time
> this week as you spend some time together.
> Words just arent enough right now to help me express what id like
to
> say to you...
>
>
> --- In as_ap@..., Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> <chrisandvanessamurphy@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Lea,
> > Thanks for your comments and to Pettina too.
> > Today we are at my sister in law's house and they have just left
> for their holiday in Qld and we are staying the rest of the week
for
> our "holiday". I feel homesick - everything about Matthew is at
> home. We came yesterday so that we could hang out with them for a
> day before they left. It all felt way too "normal" a thing to be
> doing at a time like this. I feel like I shouldn't be doing normal
> things when my baby is not here with me. I've never grieved
anyone's
> death before and it is a strange thing. My feelings of the last
few
> days - dazed, confused, vulnerable, want to hide from the world,
yet
> also want to keep talking about Matthew to keep my memories of him
> alive. My sister in law and family are not the talking type - we've
> had a brief conversation today, but they leave it up to us to bring
> it up I think. I have other friends who wouldn't let me through
> their door before asking me how I am feeling. I suppose it is nice
> to have a change of scenery and
> >  be away from the madness of home, but I feel lost all the same!!
> > I remember Lea that your son lived just over an hour (1 hour 21
> mins was it?) I would love to hear your memories of that time - I
> know you had an emergency C section, so I can't imagine what that
> might have been like for you. I know that my hour with Matthew was
> so brief, I wish I could have it again now when I'm more "with it".
> Having spent about 50 mins pushing him out, I was so exhausted the
> only feeling I felt was relief that the pain of the birth was over.
> He wasn't looking so good when he arrived - very blue - and he
never
> took a proper breath - just made little noises when he gasped every
> few minutes. He had a heartbeat which Chris heard and felt, but it
> was slow and we knew that it wouldn't be long before he was gone.
In
> fact, Chris kept saying "I think he's gone" and then a few moments
> later, he would gasp for air and we'd realise he was still with us.
> I held him for probably half his life, including when he died
> (although neither of us realised
> >  it had happened), but I was shaking the whole time (just from
the
> adrenaline from the birth experience I think) and felt so weak.
> > Thankfully the numbness of the whole experience meant that I
> didn't really comprehend that he had died for the whole first night
> we had him and people came to visit (he was born at 3.46pm, died
> around 4.46 and our last visitors left around 9pm). I felt like he
> was there with us that whole time - he was still warm I guess.
> That's what made my experience with my friend's baby last week so
> bizarre - she actually was alive!
> > Anyway, sorry to go on about it, but I needed an outlet. Thanks
> for "listening" everyone....,
> > Love Vanessa
> >
> >
> > --- On Sat, 27/9/08, Lea Coleman <leannec72@> wrote:
> >
> > From: Lea Coleman <leannec72@>
> > Subject: Re: [as_ap] Re: Matthew
> > To: as_ap@...
> > Received: Saturday, 27 September, 2008, 9:08 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Vanessa, your words for Matthew's funeral were beautiful, as were
> the many special touches you included on his funeral day. 
> >  
> > Reading about your feelings, wanting your son back got to me, I
> think I can safely say all of us here understand that longing for
> your child to be with you, and to return to where they rest as
often
> as possible.  Oh, and the washing of his clothing gosh, you were
so
> brave to do that now.
> >  
> > Just remember that we are all here for you love, you, Chris,
> Anabelle and all your family, this group is open to those around
you
> who also had to say goodbye to a special little boy in your son
> Matthew, so please extend an invitation to them if they feel they'd
> like to share in the support we can offer each other.  That goes
to
> all our members, there are so many grandparents, aunts, uncles and
> siblings out there who are no doubt missing our babies too, we are
> here for them.
> >  
> > I also wanted to add that I was stunned that you were able to
> visit with your friend's new baby, my dear girl, you must have so
> much courage within you to do so, it took me many months to be ok
> seeing other people's happy endings with babies, not that I wasn't
> joyful for them, just hurt too much to sit and question 'why them
> and not me?'.
> >  
> > Big hugs, holler if you need anything love.
> >
> >
> >  
> > Lea xxxxxx
> > Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> > Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the
o'er-
> fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
> >  
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message ----
> > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ yahoo.com. au>
> > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > Sent: Saturday, 27 September, 2008 5:55:22 PM
> > Subject: [as_ap] Re: Matthew
> >
> > Vanessa
> >
> > Such a beautiful message you gave at his fneral. It sounds soo
> > lovely with all the balloons for the kids.
> >
> > Iknow how hard the washing bit was. After Mercy passed there was
a
> > few things (a blanket in particular that i just couldnt bring
> myself
> > to wash for a while. I didnt wan to lose that precious smell. I
> also
> > had trouble removing the car seat.
> >
> > I am soo proud of you, your husband and Annabelle for walking
such
> a
> > tough road together.
> >
> > I will keep praying for you all.
> >
> >
> >
> > --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> > <chrisandvanessamurp hy@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Sat 27th
> > >  
> > > I have finally washed his clothes. I have been dreading it, but
> > knew it had to be done. â€�"It won’t bring him backâ
> €�, I told
> > myself, leaving his blood on his hat, and the goop on his
singlet.
> > �"You have to wash them eventually�…..So I did
> it. We had
> > changed Matthew into a fresh set of clothes and even a fresh
nappy
> > (Chris wanted to change his bum like we used to do for his sister
> > when she was a baby, so we did) and he looked so cute when we
left
> > him.
> > > The night before last, my best friend had a beautiful baby
girl,
> > Nicole Eloise. We went to visit her yesterday. Such a beautiful
> baby
> > and seemed to me to be surprisingly so warm and alert -  she
> opened
> > her eyes to look at me and moved her mouth like she wanted to be
> fed
> > and had such a beautiful full head of brown hair. So alive, and
so
> > normal.
> > > I miss my boy. I want my baby back. At the moment, I want to
> visit
> > the grave every day just so I remember him and can cry for him.
We
> > decided not to go on Thursday, just to have a day off. �"We
> can’t
> > go every day� we thought. We took Anabelle on Friday. She
> wanted
> > to know where the rug was, and where the tent was that was over
> the
> > hole on Tuesday. On Wednesday she had gone to day care and told
> Jess
> > �"Matthew’s in a box in heaven�. On Friday we
> tried to explain
> > that while the box is in this bit of ground, Matthew’s
soul
> is in
> > heaven and that is a different place.
> > �"Daddy….Daddy….Daddy…� she kept
> saying, like she had
> > questions but didn’t know how to ask them. We talked to
> Aunty
> > Teresa last night, and 4 year old Gabriel’s understanding
> of
> > things is that Matthew is playing golf (he’s buried
against
> the
> > fence that backs onto the East Maitland golf course). At least I
> > know that Anabelle’s not the only one who hasn’t
> quite got all
> > >  the facts straight!
> > > The funeral on Tuesday was beautiful, even enjoyable â€" we
> had a
> > �"good� day celebrating his life and mourning his
loss
> at the
> > same time. The church was full â€" about 200 people we think
> came
> > along which was lovely. We had balloons up the front, and after
> the
> > service, the kids were invited to come and take one home. At the
> > graveside, my friend Cathy had some blue irises for the children
> to
> > lay on the casket after it had been lowered into the ground.
> > Anabelle went first, then we watched her friends come and throw
> the
> > flowers in. This was lovely too. Chris and I both spoke at the
> > service. It was hard, but I knew I had to do it and I’m so
> glad I
> > did. I had a photo of me with Anabelle and Matthew, my 2
beautiful
> > children, which was on the screen behind me as I spoke.
> > > Here is what I said:
> > >  
> > > These are my 2 beautiful children whom I love very much.
> Anabelle
> > as many of you know is a very happy bright little girl, who loves
> > all the special people around her. My beautiful boy Matthew has
> been
> > a significant part of our family for all of this year. We’
> ve
> > anticipated his arrival since early January, shed many tears as
we
> > realised that our time together would only be short, but also
> tried
> > to celebrate the special moments that we did have together all
> > along. A few months ago, I was preparing Anabelle for the fact
> that
> > her little brother would most likely never come home with us. In
> her
> > 2 year old wisdom, she confidently announced while pointing to my
> > belly �"No Mummy, Matthew is home with us now!� How
> right she was
> > â€" Matthew has been home with us for many months. I, in
> particular
> > was blessed to carry him as a part of myself all the way to 40
> weeks
> > and 4 days. He was an active boy â€" far more energetic than
> > Anabelle was in utero â€" always
> > >  kicking me and very responsive to touch, especially from his
> > Daddy or his sister. This was his little personality that we got
> to
> > experience and cherish as a family. Matthew making his presence
> > known among us whenever someone got too close to my belly! He was
> a
> > kicker right to the end, even moving his lips as he was being
> born.
> > That was my boy. He hung on until the end against all odds and
> > statistics. I love his chubby cheeks and chubby thighs and his
> > little feet which always stuck out on my left side. I love him
> > because he is Matthew, my boy and no-one else will ever replace
> him
> > in my heart.
> > >  
> > > God loves him too and made him just the way he was. One of the
> > bible passages that has given me great encouragement comes from
> > Psalm 139. �"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
> For you
> > created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’
> s womb.
> > I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. â
> €¦My
> > frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret
place.
> > When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes
> saw
> > my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in
> your
> > book before one of them came to be�.
> > >  
> > > Matthew will always be my precious boy, my beautiful boy that
> grew
> > inside me and came out to meet me before going ahead to meet my
> > Lord. Of course I wanted to be able to hold him for longer, care
> for
> > him and help him grow up, but now I have to trust that my loving
> > heavenly Father is doing those things for him now.
> > >  
> > >  
> > >
> > > --- On Fri, 26/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...> wrote:
> > >
> > > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...>
> > > Subject: [as_ap] Re: Mercy's first Birthday(thanks and Vanessa)
> > > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > > Received: Friday, 26 September, 2008, 10:53 AM
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Thanks girls for the wonderful messages it has left me feeling
> > > supported.
> > >
> > > I did so well on Wednesday though yesterday i felt sooo
> exhausted
> > > and emotional. I just feel empty.(which is hard due to all the
> > > moving going on in my belly).
> > >
> > > Vanessa, Im so sorry i missed the funeral. To be honest it was
> due
> > > to her birthday being the next day. I wasnt so sure i would
cope
> > > very well and thought it best just to send you my love instead.
> Im
> > > sure it was a beautiful day. When your ready i would love to
> take
> > a
> > > trip to maitland to deliver you a hug and just catch up with
how
> > you
> > > are doing. The picture of Matthew was beautiful. He had such a
> > > gorgeous face.
> > >
> > > Love Pettina
> > >
> > > --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> > > <chrisandvanessamur phy@> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hi Pettina,
> > > > I read your message last night - it was beautiful. I knew
that
> > > Mercy's birthday was coming up soon, but with everything else
> > going
> > > on this week, the date had slipped my mind.
> > > > It's beautiful to hear how you spent the day as a family
> > > remembering her. I hope that we will find meaningful things to
> > > remember Matthew by as the years go on.
> > > > I would like to write to you all about Matthew's funeral
which
> > was
> > > held a few days ago. Will come back to the computer later
> tonight
> > to
> > > try.......
> > > > Love Vanessa
> > > >
> > > > --- On Wed, 24/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...>
> > > > Subject: [as_ap] Mercy's first Birthday
> > > > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > > > Received: Wednesday, 24 September, 2008, 3:50 PM
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Well it has already been a year. Where on earth did it go.
> Happy
> > > > First Birthday Mercy Grace Beves.
> > > >
> > > > WE let some Balloons go. A gift for her in heaven and spent
> the
> > > day as
> > > > a family. We will have a dinner and a cake in rememberance of
> > her
> > > > tonight. I might Baby cupcakes. I thought them fitting
> > considering
> > > her
> > > > size.
> > > >
> > > > Im surprised how well im doing. I feel..... words cant
> describe
> > > but im
> > > > definitely not falling apart. I guess for us we are lucky
that
> > we
> > > dont
> > > > celebrate her birth and mourn her loss on the same day. Tho
> that
> > > > doesnt change that she isnt here and i dont miss her like
mad.
> I
> > > wanna
> > > > buy her so many things. Instead we will just buy her a
special
> > > stake
> > > > to put n her rose plant.
> > > >
> > > > Sorry anout the rant, just wanted to share my day so far.
> > > >
> > > > Vanessa i hope your doing well.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7
> > > Mail! http://au.yahoo. com/y7mail
> > > >
> > >
> > > 
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >      Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7
> > Mail! http://au.yahoo. com/y7mail
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > ------------ --------- --------- ------
> >
> > Yahoo!7 Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7 Mail.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >       Make the switch to the world&#39;s best email. Get Yahoo!7
> Mail! http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail
> >
>

Vanessa

Please dont ever feel you need to apologise for expressing how you
feel. Your feelings are so valid and true.
It is hard to "get on with life" without your child.
I remember the day Mercy passed away it took me a while to be ready
to let her go from our home and my arms. I even went and had a sleep
with her still in my arms.
My husbands family is very much the same, we have to bring our
little girl up, but when we do my MIL is usually great and doesnt
mind having a chat about her (she listens any way)
I really hope you are able to get some rest and peaceful family time
this week as you spend some time together.
Words just arent enough right now to help me express what id like to
say to you...


--- In as_ap@..., Chris & Vanessa Murphy
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Lea,
> Thanks for your comments and to Pettina too.
> Today we are at my sister in law's house and they have just left
for their holiday in Qld and we are staying the rest of the week for
our "holiday". I feel homesick - everything about Matthew is at
home. We came yesterday so that we could hang out with them for a
day before they left. It all felt way too "normal" a thing to be
doing at a time like this. I feel like I shouldn't be doing normal
things when my baby is not here with me. I've never grieved anyone's
death before and it is a strange thing. My feelings of the last few
days - dazed, confused, vulnerable, want to hide from the world, yet
also want to keep talking about Matthew to keep my memories of him
alive. My sister in law and family are not the talking type - we've
had a brief conversation today, but they leave it up to us to bring
it up I think. I have other friends who wouldn't let me through
their door before asking me how I am feeling. I suppose it is nice
to have a change of scenery and
>  be away from the madness of home, but I feel lost all the same!!
> I remember Lea that your son lived just over an hour (1 hour 21
mins was it?) I would love to hear your memories of that time - I
know you had an emergency C section, so I can't imagine what that
might have been like for you. I know that my hour with Matthew was
so brief, I wish I could have it again now when I'm more "with it".
Having spent about 50 mins pushing him out, I was so exhausted the
only feeling I felt was relief that the pain of the birth was over.
He wasn't looking so good when he arrived - very blue - and he never
took a proper breath - just made little noises when he gasped every
few minutes. He had a heartbeat which Chris heard and felt, but it
was slow and we knew that it wouldn't be long before he was gone. In
fact, Chris kept saying "I think he's gone" and then a few moments
later, he would gasp for air and we'd realise he was still with us.
I held him for probably half his life, including when he died
(although neither of us realised
>  it had happened), but I was shaking the whole time (just from the
adrenaline from the birth experience I think) and felt so weak.
> Thankfully the numbness of the whole experience meant that I
didn't really comprehend that he had died for the whole first night
we had him and people came to visit (he was born at 3.46pm, died
around 4.46 and our last visitors left around 9pm). I felt like he
was there with us that whole time - he was still warm I guess.
That's what made my experience with my friend's baby last week so
bizarre - she actually was alive!
> Anyway, sorry to go on about it, but I needed an outlet. Thanks
for "listening" everyone....,
> Love Vanessa
>
>
> --- On Sat, 27/9/08, Lea Coleman <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> From: Lea Coleman <leannec72@...>
> Subject: Re: [as_ap] Re: Matthew
> To: as_ap@...
> Received: Saturday, 27 September, 2008, 9:08 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Vanessa, your words for Matthew's funeral were beautiful, as were
the many special touches you included on his funeral day. 
>  
> Reading about your feelings, wanting your son back got to me, I
think I can safely say all of us here understand that longing for
your child to be with you, and to return to where they rest as often
as possible.  Oh, and the washing of his clothing gosh, you were so
brave to do that now.
>  
> Just remember that we are all here for you love, you, Chris,
Anabelle and all your family, this group is open to those around you
who also had to say goodbye to a special little boy in your son
Matthew, so please extend an invitation to them if they feel they'd
like to share in the support we can offer each other.  That goes to
all our members, there are so many grandparents, aunts, uncles and
siblings out there who are no doubt missing our babies too, we are
here for them.
>  
> I also wanted to add that I was stunned that you were able to
visit with your friend's new baby, my dear girl, you must have so
much courage within you to do so, it took me many months to be ok
seeing other people's happy endings with babies, not that I wasn't
joyful for them, just hurt too much to sit and question 'why them
and not me?'.
>  
> Big hugs, holler if you need anything love.
>
>
>  
> Lea xxxxxx
> Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-
fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
>  
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ yahoo.com. au>
> To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> Sent: Saturday, 27 September, 2008 5:55:22 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] Re: Matthew
>
> Vanessa
>
> Such a beautiful message you gave at his fneral. It sounds soo
> lovely with all the balloons for the kids.
>
> Iknow how hard the washing bit was. After Mercy passed there was a
> few things (a blanket in particular that i just couldnt bring
myself
> to wash for a while. I didnt wan to lose that precious smell. I
also
> had trouble removing the car seat.
>
> I am soo proud of you, your husband and Annabelle for walking such
a
> tough road together.
>
> I will keep praying for you all.
>
>
>
> --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> <chrisandvanessamurp hy@> wrote:
> >
> > Sat 27th
> >  
> > I have finally washed his clothes. I have been dreading it, but
> knew it had to be done. â€�"It won’t bring him backâ
€�, I told
> myself, leaving his blood on his hat, and the goop on his singlet.
> �"You have to wash them eventually�…..So I did
it. We had
> changed Matthew into a fresh set of clothes and even a fresh nappy
> (Chris wanted to change his bum like we used to do for his sister
> when she was a baby, so we did) and he looked so cute when we left
> him.
> > The night before last, my best friend had a beautiful baby girl,
> Nicole Eloise. We went to visit her yesterday. Such a beautiful
baby
> and seemed to me to be surprisingly so warm and alert -  she
opened
> her eyes to look at me and moved her mouth like she wanted to be
fed
> and had such a beautiful full head of brown hair. So alive, and so
> normal.
> > I miss my boy. I want my baby back. At the moment, I want to
visit
> the grave every day just so I remember him and can cry for him. We
> decided not to go on Thursday, just to have a day off. �"We
can’t
> go every day� we thought. We took Anabelle on Friday. She
wanted
> to know where the rug was, and where the tent was that was over
the
> hole on Tuesday. On Wednesday she had gone to day care and told
Jess
> �"Matthew’s in a box in heaven�. On Friday we
tried to explain
> that while the box is in this bit of ground, Matthew’s soul
is in
> heaven and that is a different place.
> �"Daddy….Daddy….Daddy…� she kept
saying, like she had
> questions but didn’t know how to ask them. We talked to
Aunty
> Teresa last night, and 4 year old Gabriel’s understanding
of
> things is that Matthew is playing golf (he’s buried against
the
> fence that backs onto the East Maitland golf course). At least I
> know that Anabelle’s not the only one who hasn’t
quite got all
> >  the facts straight!
> > The funeral on Tuesday was beautiful, even enjoyable â€" we
had a
> �"good� day celebrating his life and mourning his loss
at the
> same time. The church was full â€" about 200 people we think
came
> along which was lovely. We had balloons up the front, and after
the
> service, the kids were invited to come and take one home. At the
> graveside, my friend Cathy had some blue irises for the children
to
> lay on the casket after it had been lowered into the ground.
> Anabelle went first, then we watched her friends come and throw
the
> flowers in. This was lovely too. Chris and I both spoke at the
> service. It was hard, but I knew I had to do it and I’m so
glad I
> did. I had a photo of me with Anabelle and Matthew, my 2 beautiful
> children, which was on the screen behind me as I spoke.
> > Here is what I said:
> >  
> > These are my 2 beautiful children whom I love very much.
Anabelle
> as many of you know is a very happy bright little girl, who loves
> all the special people around her. My beautiful boy Matthew has
been
> a significant part of our family for all of this year. We’
ve
> anticipated his arrival since early January, shed many tears as we
> realised that our time together would only be short, but also
tried
> to celebrate the special moments that we did have together all
> along. A few months ago, I was preparing Anabelle for the fact
that
> her little brother would most likely never come home with us. In
her
> 2 year old wisdom, she confidently announced while pointing to my
> belly �"No Mummy, Matthew is home with us now!� How
right she was
> â€" Matthew has been home with us for many months. I, in
particular
> was blessed to carry him as a part of myself all the way to 40
weeks
> and 4 days. He was an active boy â€" far more energetic than
> Anabelle was in utero â€" always
> >  kicking me and very responsive to touch, especially from his
> Daddy or his sister. This was his little personality that we got
to
> experience and cherish as a family. Matthew making his presence
> known among us whenever someone got too close to my belly! He was
a
> kicker right to the end, even moving his lips as he was being
born.
> That was my boy. He hung on until the end against all odds and
> statistics. I love his chubby cheeks and chubby thighs and his
> little feet which always stuck out on my left side. I love him
> because he is Matthew, my boy and no-one else will ever replace
him
> in my heart.
> >  
> > God loves him too and made him just the way he was. One of the
> bible passages that has given me great encouragement comes from
> Psalm 139. �"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
For you
> created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’
s womb.
> I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. â
€¦My
> frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
> When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes
saw
> my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in
your
> book before one of them came to be�.
> >  
> > Matthew will always be my precious boy, my beautiful boy that
grew
> inside me and came out to meet me before going ahead to meet my
> Lord. Of course I wanted to be able to hold him for longer, care
for
> him and help him grow up, but now I have to trust that my loving
> heavenly Father is doing those things for him now.
> >  
> >  
> >
> > --- On Fri, 26/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...>
> > Subject: [as_ap] Re: Mercy's first Birthday(thanks and Vanessa)
> > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > Received: Friday, 26 September, 2008, 10:53 AM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Thanks girls for the wonderful messages it has left me feeling
> > supported.
> >
> > I did so well on Wednesday though yesterday i felt sooo
exhausted
> > and emotional. I just feel empty.(which is hard due to all the
> > moving going on in my belly).
> >
> > Vanessa, Im so sorry i missed the funeral. To be honest it was
due
> > to her birthday being the next day. I wasnt so sure i would cope
> > very well and thought it best just to send you my love instead.
Im
> > sure it was a beautiful day. When your ready i would love to
take
> a
> > trip to maitland to deliver you a hug and just catch up with how
> you
> > are doing. The picture of Matthew was beautiful. He had such a
> > gorgeous face.
> >
> > Love Pettina
> >
> > --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> > <chrisandvanessamur phy@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi Pettina,
> > > I read your message last night - it was beautiful. I knew that
> > Mercy's birthday was coming up soon, but with everything else
> going
> > on this week, the date had slipped my mind.
> > > It's beautiful to hear how you spent the day as a family
> > remembering her. I hope that we will find meaningful things to
> > remember Matthew by as the years go on.
> > > I would like to write to you all about Matthew's funeral which
> was
> > held a few days ago. Will come back to the computer later
tonight
> to
> > try.......
> > > Love Vanessa
> > >
> > > --- On Wed, 24/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...> wrote:
> > >
> > > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...>
> > > Subject: [as_ap] Mercy's first Birthday
> > > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > > Received: Wednesday, 24 September, 2008, 3:50 PM
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Well it has already been a year. Where on earth did it go.
Happy
> > > First Birthday Mercy Grace Beves.
> > >
> > > WE let some Balloons go. A gift for her in heaven and spent
the
> > day as
> > > a family. We will have a dinner and a cake in rememberance of
> her
> > > tonight. I might Baby cupcakes. I thought them fitting
> considering
> > her
> > > size.
> > >
> > > Im surprised how well im doing. I feel..... words cant
describe
> > but im
> > > definitely not falling apart. I guess for us we are lucky that
> we
> > dont
> > > celebrate her birth and mourn her loss on the same day. Tho
that
> > > doesnt change that she isnt here and i dont miss her like mad.
I
> > wanna
> > > buy her so many things. Instead we will just buy her a special
> > stake
> > > to put n her rose plant.
> > >
> > > Sorry anout the rant, just wanted to share my day so far.
> > >
> > > Vanessa i hope your doing well.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7
> > Mail! http://au.yahoo. com/y7mail
> > >
> >
> > 
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >      Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7
> Mail! http://au.yahoo. com/y7mail
> >
>
>
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ------
>
> Yahoo!7 Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7 Mail.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>       Make the switch to the world&#39;s best email. Get Yahoo!7
Mail! http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail
>

Vanessa

Such a beautiful message you gave at his fneral. It sounds soo
lovely with all the balloons for the kids.

Iknow how hard the washing bit was. After Mercy passed there was a
few things (a blanket in particular that i just couldnt bring myself
to wash for a while. I didnt wan to lose that precious smell. I also
had trouble removing the car seat.

I am soo proud of you, your husband and Annabelle for walking such a
tough road together.

I will keep praying for you all.



--- In as_ap@..., Chris & Vanessa Murphy
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Sat 27th
>  
> I have finally washed his clothes. I have been dreading it, but
knew it had to be done. “It won’t bring him back”, I told
myself, leaving his blood on his hat, and the goop on his singlet.
“You have to wash them eventually”…..So I did it. We had
changed Matthew into a fresh set of clothes and even a fresh nappy
(Chris wanted to change his bum like we used to do for his sister
when she was a baby, so we did) and he looked so cute when we left
him.
> The night before last, my best friend had a beautiful baby girl,
Nicole Eloise. We went to visit her yesterday. Such a beautiful baby
and seemed to me to be surprisingly so warm and alert -  she opened
her eyes to look at me and moved her mouth like she wanted to be fed
and had such a beautiful full head of brown hair. So alive, and so
normal.
> I miss my boy. I want my baby back. At the moment, I want to visit
the grave every day just so I remember him and can cry for him. We
decided not to go on Thursday, just to have a day off. “We can’t
go every day” we thought. We took Anabelle on Friday. She wanted
to know where the rug was, and where the tent was that was over the
hole on Tuesday. On Wednesday she had gone to day care and told Jess
“Matthew’s in a box in heaven”. On Friday we tried to explain
that while the box is in this bit of ground, Matthew’s soul is in
heaven and that is a different place.
“Daddy….Daddy….Daddy…” she kept saying, like she had
questions but didn’t know how to ask them. We talked to Aunty
Teresa last night, and 4 year old Gabriel’s understanding of
things is that Matthew is playing golf (he’s buried against the
fence that backs onto the East Maitland golf course). At least I
know that Anabelle’s not the only one who hasn’t quite got all
>  the facts straight!
> The funeral on Tuesday was beautiful, even enjoyable �" we had a
“good” day celebrating his life and mourning his loss at the
same time. The church was full �" about 200 people we think came
along which was lovely. We had balloons up the front, and after the
service, the kids were invited to come and take one home. At the
graveside, my friend Cathy had some blue irises for the children to
lay on the casket after it had been lowered into the ground.
Anabelle went first, then we watched her friends come and throw the
flowers in. This was lovely too. Chris and I both spoke at the
service. It was hard, but I knew I had to do it and I’m so glad I
did. I had a photo of me with Anabelle and Matthew, my 2 beautiful
children, which was on the screen behind me as I spoke.
> Here is what I said:
>  
> These are my 2 beautiful children whom I love very much. Anabelle
as many of you know is a very happy bright little girl, who loves
all the special people around her. My beautiful boy Matthew has been
a significant part of our family for all of this year. We’ve
anticipated his arrival since early January, shed many tears as we
realised that our time together would only be short, but also tried
to celebrate the special moments that we did have together all
along. A few months ago, I was preparing Anabelle for the fact that
her little brother would most likely never come home with us. In her
2 year old wisdom, she confidently announced while pointing to my
belly “No Mummy, Matthew is home with us now!” How right she was
�" Matthew has been home with us for many months. I, in particular
was blessed to carry him as a part of myself all the way to 40 weeks
and 4 days. He was an active boy �" far more energetic than
Anabelle was in utero �" always
>  kicking me and very responsive to touch, especially from his
Daddy or his sister. This was his little personality that we got to
experience and cherish as a family. Matthew making his presence
known among us whenever someone got too close to my belly! He was a
kicker right to the end, even moving his lips as he was being born.
That was my boy. He hung on until the end against all odds and
statistics. I love his chubby cheeks and chubby thighs and his
little feet which always stuck out on my left side. I love him
because he is Matthew, my boy and no-one else will ever replace him
in my heart.
>  
> God loves him too and made him just the way he was. One of the
bible passages that has given me great encouragement comes from
Psalm 139. “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. For you
created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. …My
frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw
my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your
book before one of them came to be”.
>  
> Matthew will always be my precious boy, my beautiful boy that grew
inside me and came out to meet me before going ahead to meet my
Lord. Of course I wanted to be able to hold him for longer, care for
him and help him grow up, but now I have to trust that my loving
heavenly Father is doing those things for him now.
>  
>  
>
> --- On Fri, 26/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...> wrote:
>
> From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...>
> Subject: [as_ap] Re: Mercy's first Birthday(thanks and Vanessa)
> To: as_ap@...
> Received: Friday, 26 September, 2008, 10:53 AM
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Thanks girls for the wonderful messages it has left me feeling
> supported.
>
> I did so well on Wednesday though yesterday i felt sooo exhausted
> and emotional. I just feel empty.(which is hard due to all the
> moving going on in my belly).
>
> Vanessa, Im so sorry i missed the funeral. To be honest it was due
> to her birthday being the next day. I wasnt so sure i would cope
> very well and thought it best just to send you my love instead. Im
> sure it was a beautiful day. When your ready i would love to take
a
> trip to maitland to deliver you a hug and just catch up with how
you
> are doing. The picture of Matthew was beautiful. He had such a
> gorgeous face.
>
> Love Pettina
>
> --- In as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au, Chris & Vanessa Murphy
> <chrisandvanessamur phy@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Pettina,
> > I read your message last night - it was beautiful. I knew that
> Mercy's birthday was coming up soon, but with everything else
going
> on this week, the date had slipped my mind.
> > It's beautiful to hear how you spent the day as a family
> remembering her. I hope that we will find meaningful things to
> remember Matthew by as the years go on.
> > I would like to write to you all about Matthew's funeral which
was
> held a few days ago. Will come back to the computer later tonight
to
> try.......
> > Love Vanessa
> >
> > --- On Wed, 24/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@ ...>
> > Subject: [as_ap] Mercy's first Birthday
> > To: as_ap@yahoogroups. com.au
> > Received: Wednesday, 24 September, 2008, 3:50 PM
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Well it has already been a year. Where on earth did it go. Happy
> > First Birthday Mercy Grace Beves.
> >
> > WE let some Balloons go. A gift for her in heaven and spent the
> day as
> > a family. We will have a dinner and a cake in rememberance of
her
> > tonight. I might Baby cupcakes. I thought them fitting
considering
> her
> > size.
> >
> > Im surprised how well im doing. I feel..... words cant describe
> but im
> > definitely not falling apart. I guess for us we are lucky that
we
> dont
> > celebrate her birth and mourn her loss on the same day. Tho that
> > doesnt change that she isnt here and i dont miss her like mad. I
> wanna
> > buy her so many things. Instead we will just buy her a special
> stake
> > to put n her rose plant.
> >
> > Sorry anout the rant, just wanted to share my day so far.
> >
> > Vanessa i hope your doing well.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Make the switch to the world&#39;s best email. Get Yahoo!7
> Mail! http://au.yahoo. com/y7mail
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>       Make the switch to the world&#39;s best email. Get Yahoo!7
Mail! http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail
>

Thanks girls for the wonderful messages it has left me feeling
supported.

I did so well on Wednesday though yesterday i felt sooo exhausted
and emotional. I just feel empty.(which is hard due to all the
moving going on in my belly).

Vanessa, Im so sorry i missed the funeral. To be honest it was due
to her birthday being the next day. I wasnt so sure i would cope
very well and thought it best just to send you my love instead. Im
sure it was a beautiful day. When your ready i would love to take a
trip to maitland to deliver you a hug and just catch up with how you
are doing. The picture of Matthew was beautiful. He had such a
gorgeous face.

Love Pettina




--- In as_ap@..., Chris & Vanessa Murphy
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Pettina,
> I read your message last night - it was beautiful. I knew that
Mercy's birthday was coming up soon, but with everything else going
on this week, the date had slipped my mind.
> It's beautiful to hear how you spent the day as a family
remembering her. I hope that we will find meaningful things to
remember Matthew by as the years go on.
> I would like to write to you all about Matthew's funeral which was
held a few days ago. Will come back to the computer later tonight to
try.......
> Love Vanessa
>
> --- On Wed, 24/9/08, pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...> wrote:
>
> From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...>
> Subject: [as_ap] Mercy's first Birthday
> To: as_ap@...
> Received: Wednesday, 24 September, 2008, 3:50 PM
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Well it has already been a year. Where on earth did it go. Happy
> First Birthday Mercy Grace Beves.
>
> WE let some Balloons go. A gift for her in heaven and spent the
day as
> a family. We will have a dinner and a cake in rememberance of her
> tonight. I might Baby cupcakes. I thought them fitting considering
her
> size.
>
> Im surprised how well im doing. I feel..... words cant describe
but im
> definitely not falling apart. I guess for us we are lucky that we
dont
> celebrate her birth and mourn her loss on the same day. Tho that
> doesnt change that she isnt here and i dont miss her like mad. I
wanna
> buy her so many things. Instead we will just buy her a special
stake
> to put n her rose plant.
>
> Sorry anout the rant, just wanted to share my day so far.
>
> Vanessa i hope your doing well.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>       Make the switch to the world&#39;s best email. Get Yahoo!7
Mail! http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail
>

Pettina, I'm glad to hear that your doing well with Mercy's 1st
birthday. You left such a beautiful message, it bought me to tears. I
have also sent her some birthday wishes, filled with a big hug and
kiss. I'm also happy that you had such a beautiful day in
rememberance of her.

8 weeks to go hey, oh i wish!!!!!! I've still got 14wks or 100 days.
*sigh* Its abit sad really considering i'm meant to only have about
2wks left but i'm ok with that, i'm trying not to dwell on the past
at the moment, otherwise i think i would be a mess (damn pregnancy
hormones).

I had better go get the kids out the bath so i can put them to bed
and have a nice early night (which is much needed). take care every
one.

Love Liz xoxoxoxoxxox

P.S. Lea did you get the e-mail i sent you last week????

--- In as_ap@..., Lea Coleman <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Pettina that wasn't a rant, it was a beautiful proud message from a
mum who loves her daughter.
>  
> Happy belated first birthday to a very special angel in heaven, I
hope you were playing with all the other angels and having a lovely
day as you all caught the balloons your family sent to heaven darling
little Mercy Grace.
>  
> Love, I am glad you aren't falling apart, it's not easy and you'd
be forgiven (not even close to the right word) for falling to
bits though.
>  
> Sending you hugs, I am sorry I missed her special day but rest
assured, your dear little girl will be sent special birthday prayers
from me tonight darl.
>
>  
> Lea xxxxxx
> Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-
fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: pettinabeves <pettinabeves@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Wednesday, 24 September, 2008 3:50:32 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] Mercy's first Birthday
>
> Well it has already been a year. Where on earth did it go.  Happy
> First Birthday Mercy Grace Beves.
>
> WE let some Balloons go. A gift for her in heaven and spent the day
as
> a family. We will have a  dinner and a cake in rememberance of her
> tonight. I might Baby cupcakes. I thought them fitting considering
her
> size.
>
> Im surprised how well im doing. I feel..... words cant describe but
im
> definitely not falling apart. I guess for us we are lucky that we
dont
> celebrate her birth and mourn her loss on the same day. Tho that
> doesnt change that she isnt here and i dont miss her like mad. I
wanna
> buy her so many things. Instead we will just buy her a special
stake
> to put n her rose plant.
>
> Sorry anout the rant, just wanted to share my day so far.
>
>
> Vanessa i hope your doing well.
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo!7 Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>       Make the switch to the world&#39;s best email. Get Yahoo!7
Mail! http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail
>

Liz
8 weeks left. right now that seems like forever. I ma sooo hoping i
go early.
--- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@...> wrote:
>
> Lea- that is such a beautiful poem. What a great idea to put it in
> the school newsletter.
>
> Chris and Vanessa- I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of Matthew.
I
> really don't know what to say. i can only imagine the pain that
the
> both of you must be feeling at the moment. No words are going to
make
> it any easier for you to deal with so just know that we are all
hear
> if you need to chat or cry or what ever. My thoughts and prayers
are
> with you both.
>
> How is every one else going???? Pettina, how much longer do you
have
> until your due? I can never remember, lets just call it placenta
> brain, its just a shame that i can't use that excuse forever.
>
> taliah has just decided to wake up like she always does when i'm
on
> the net so i had better go.
>
> Hope your all well, talk soon.
>
> Liz xoxoxoxoxoxox
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> >
> > This is a lovely poem written by a grieving mum on a forum I
> > frequent, after the loss of her baby girl Asha.  She had it
printed
> > in her son's daycare newsletter to help people feel ok to talk
with
> > her, to understand.
> >
> > If you see me and I don't cry
> > Please Don't wonder why
> > It has taken all my strength to come out
> > In private is when I cry, scream and shout
> > Nothings normal so please don't pretend
> > Or say nothing for fear you might offend
> > Don't be afraid if you talk you might upset me
> > I couldn't possibly be more upset can't you see
> >
> > If you see me try to be strong
> > Your silence makes me feel like I've done something wrong
> > It doesn't take much - just a kind word here or there
> > For me to know that you really care
> > My heart is broken, my world torn apart
> > I'm just trying to rebuild, please help me make a start
> > I know you feel uncomfortable and a bit awkward
> > But I'll need your support to try and look forward
> >
> > If you see me just try to understand
> > I feel like an alien in a foriegn land
> > I have lost my child, my newborn baby
> > I'm stuck in a world of 'what if', 'why' and 'maybe'
> > I may smile and laugh like you
> > But that makes me feel guilty, it's a little way to help me get
> > through
> > This isn't how my life is supposed to be
> > Please try hard to REALLY see me
> > -Emma Stenhouse 19/08/08
> >
>

Well it has already been a year. Where on earth did it go.  Happy
First Birthday Mercy Grace Beves.

WE let some Balloons go. A gift for her in heaven and spent the day as
a family. We will have a  dinner and a cake in rememberance of her
tonight. I might Baby cupcakes. I thought them fitting considering her
size.

Im surprised how well im doing. I feel..... words cant describe but im
definitely not falling apart. I guess for us we are lucky that we dont
celebrate her birth and mourn her loss on the same day. Tho that
doesnt change that she isnt here and i dont miss her like mad. I wanna
buy her so many things. Instead we will just buy her a special stake
to put n her rose plant.

Sorry anout the rant, just wanted to share my day so far.


Vanessa i hope your doing well.

Lea- that is such a beautiful poem. What a great idea to put it in
the school newsletter.

Chris and Vanessa- I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of Matthew. I
really don't know what to say. i can only imagine the pain that the
both of you must be feeling at the moment. No words are going to make
it any easier for you to deal with so just know that we are all hear
if you need to chat or cry or what ever. My thoughts and prayers are
with you both.

How is every one else going???? Pettina, how much longer do you have
until your due? I can never remember, lets just call it placenta
brain, its just a shame that i can't use that excuse forever.

taliah has just decided to wake up like she always does when i'm on
the net so i had better go.

Hope your all well, talk soon.

Liz xoxoxoxoxoxox

--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> This is a lovely poem written by a grieving mum on a forum I
> frequent, after the loss of her baby girl Asha.  She had it printed
> in her son's daycare newsletter to help people feel ok to talk with
> her, to understand.
>
> If you see me and I don't cry
> Please Don't wonder why
> It has taken all my strength to come out
> In private is when I cry, scream and shout
> Nothings normal so please don't pretend
> Or say nothing for fear you might offend
> Don't be afraid if you talk you might upset me
> I couldn't possibly be more upset can't you see
>
> If you see me try to be strong
> Your silence makes me feel like I've done something wrong
> It doesn't take much - just a kind word here or there
> For me to know that you really care
> My heart is broken, my world torn apart
> I'm just trying to rebuild, please help me make a start
> I know you feel uncomfortable and a bit awkward
> But I'll need your support to try and look forward
>
> If you see me just try to understand
> I feel like an alien in a foriegn land
> I have lost my child, my newborn baby
> I'm stuck in a world of 'what if', 'why' and 'maybe'
> I may smile and laugh like you
> But that makes me feel guilty, it's a little way to help me get
> through
> This isn't how my life is supposed to be
> Please try hard to REALLY see me
> -Emma Stenhouse 19/08/08
>

This is a lovely poem written by a grieving mum on a forum I
frequent, after the loss of her baby girl Asha.  She had it printed
in her son's daycare newsletter to help people feel ok to talk with
her, to understand.

If you see me and I don't cry
Please Don't wonder why
It has taken all my strength to come out
In private is when I cry, scream and shout
Nothings normal so please don't pretend
Or say nothing for fear you might offend
Don't be afraid if you talk you might upset me
I couldn't possibly be more upset can't you see

If you see me try to be strong
Your silence makes me feel like I've done something wrong
It doesn't take much - just a kind word here or there
For me to know that you really care
My heart is broken, my world torn apart
I'm just trying to rebuild, please help me make a start
I know you feel uncomfortable and a bit awkward
But I'll need your support to try and look forward

If you see me just try to understand
I feel like an alien in a foriegn land
I have lost my child, my newborn baby
I'm stuck in a world of 'what if', 'why' and 'maybe'
I may smile and laugh like you
But that makes me feel guilty, it's a little way to help me get
through
This isn't how my life is supposed to be
Please try hard to REALLY see me
-Emma Stenhouse 19/08/08

Hi everyone,
Thank you for your messages and your suggestion of a minutes silence in honour
of Matthew. That is very special. I am home from hospital today and wanted to
forward you the funeral message directly as all our other contacts and messages
have gone through my gmail address, so sorry this wasn't done prior to today.
Love Vanessa



On behalf of Vanessa and Anabelle I ask you to join us in celebrating the life
of our precious son and brother Matthew. A service will be held at 10am this
Tuesday 23rd September at Maitland Uniting Church.
We invite everyone to join us, especially children. We would like very much to
have Matthew's friends there to say goodbye.
Please attend the burial at East Maitland cemetery if you wish. Morning tea is
provided for everyone starting after the funeral service at Real Life Church,
one block from Maitland Uniting Church. We'll see you there.
Feel free to pass this information on to anyone who would like it. Thank you.
Love his Dad, Chris.


Service
Maitland Uniting Church ("Methodist Church" in stonework)
Cnr. High Street & Ken Tubman Drive (near cinemas)
Maitland

Burial
East Maitland Cemetery
Raymond Terrace Road (near Metford Rd intersection)
East Maitland

Morning Tea
Foyer
Real Life Church
Ken Tubman Drive (next to cinemas)
Maitland


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Matthews Funeral will be held on Tuesday 23rd at 10am.


--- In as_ap@..., Lea Coleman <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Chris, thank you so much for news of the arrival of your son
Matthew.  Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your son, I am
so pleased that he came into our world and blessed us all with his
grace and beauty...and I am devastated that you've had to say
goodbye to your little man, the pain I am feeling for you now no
doubt pales in comparison to your family's. 
>
> Know that you have friends far and wide who care for you all, who
mourn the death of your son with you and will always be here for
you on the road ahead.
>
> Please let us know, if you can, when you plan your farewell for
Matthew so that we can keep you all in our thoughts and prayers.
>
> In my heart I know that Matthew is joining many precious little
angels in heaven, and will be held tight in the care of our Lord
until  you join him in heaven, I hope that your faith gives you
strength.  Give my love to your beautiful wife Vanessa and let her
know that we are all so proud of her.  Oh, and let Anabelle know
that she's a very special big sister and that her baby brother will
always be with her, as Nara says "in her heart".
>  
> Lea xxxxxx
> Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-
fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Chris & Vanessa Murphy <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Tuesday, 16 September, 2008 8:28:49 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] MATTHEW MURPHY
>
> Dear Friends,
>
> Many of you will have already heard news of the birth of our son
and brother Matthew Murphy.
>
> Since Matthew was full-term (a blessing already) we scheduled an
induction at The Maitland Hospital for his birth. After a series of
appointments, we finally arrived yesterday for "the big day."
Vanessa's waters were broken and she was given a Syntocinon drip.
After about 6 hours on progressively higher doeses of the hormone,
nothing much was happening. The obstetrician arrived and broke her
waters (yes, again!) and labour began in a rush. I delivered Matthew
at 3:46pm with my own hands during a labour that lasted only an hour.
>
> Matthew was born alive and gasping although he could not breathe
on his own. His condition (anencephaly) was not survivable so life
support was not provided. Matthew made a few squarks and we heard
and felt his little heart beating slowly. After an hour he had
stopped moving and his heartbeat had stopped. He died in his Mummy's
arms covered in his parent's love and has gone to be with Jesus in
heaven. We thank God for the precious time we got to spend with him,
both over many months as he grew and kicked inside, and in his short
time in our arms.
>
> The staff at Maitland Hospital have done a fantastic job of
looking after us all in the lead up to yesterday and in our stay
afterwards. We are thankful for their kindness and professionalism
throughout. We were also blessed to have some family and close
friends visit last night and this morning. It has been wonderful to
be surrounded by such loving people who have been willing to be with
us and Matthew.
>
> We draw encouragement from knowing that in all things God is in
control, that Jesus is caring for Matthew right now, and that one
day in heaven we will meet Matthew again, in a place where there is
no more death, crying or pain.
>
> We have not made final the funeral arrangements as yet, but will
let you know when we have the details.
>
> With love from Chris, Vanessa & Anabelle Murphy
>
>
>
> The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of
the Lord (Job 1: 21).
>
> Jesus said "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for
to such belongs the kingdom of God...And he took the children in his
arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them (Mark 10:16).
>
> Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and
the first earth had passed away. He will wipe away
> every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither
shall there be mourning or crying, nor pain anymore, for the former
things have passed away (Revelation 21:1-4).
>
>
>
>       Make the switch to the world's best email. Get Yahoo!7
Mail! http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo!7 Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>       Make the switch to the world&#39;s best email. Get Yahoo!7
Mail! http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail
>

Chris and Vanessa,

What a hard couple of days you have had. Your son Matthew is just
adorable.

It is great that you got to hear him breathe and feel him move in your
arms. You both are an inspiration to us all.

Our Prayers and thoughts are with you at this difficult time, take
care of each other.

Tammie

Dear Friends,

Many of you will have already heard news of the birth of our son and brother
Matthew Murphy.

Since Matthew was full-term (a blessing already) we scheduled an induction at
The Maitland Hospital for his birth. After a series of appointments, we finally
arrived yesterday for "the big day." Vanessa's waters were broken and she was
given a Syntocinon drip. After about 6 hours on progressively higher doeses of
the hormone, nothing much was happening. The obstetrician arrived and broke her
waters (yes, again!) and labour began in a rush. I delivered Matthew at 3:46pm
with my own hands during a labour that lasted only an hour.

Matthew was born alive and gasping although he could not breathe on his own. His
condition (anencephaly) was not survivable so life support was not provided.
Matthew made a few squarks and we heard and felt his little heart beating
slowly. After an hour he had stopped moving and his heartbeat had stopped. He
died in his Mummy's arms covered in his parent's love and has gone to be with
Jesus in heaven. We thank God for the precious time we got to spend with him,
both over many months as he grew and kicked inside, and in his short time in our
arms.

The staff at Maitland Hospital have done a fantastic job of looking after us all
in the lead up to yesterday and in our stay afterwards. We are thankful for
their kindness and professionalism throughout. We were also blessed to have some
family and close friends visit last night and this morning. It has been
wonderful to be surrounded by such loving people who have been willing to be
with us and Matthew.

We draw encouragement from knowing that in all things God is in control, that
Jesus is caring for Matthew right now, and that one day in heaven we will meet
Matthew again, in a place where there is no more death, crying or pain.

We have not made final the funeral arrangements as yet, but will let you know
when we have the details.

With love from Chris, Vanessa & Anabelle Murphy



The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord (Job
1: 21).

Jesus said "Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs
the kingdom of God...And he took the children in his arms and blessed them,
laying his hands on them (Mark 10:16).

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first
earth had passed away. He will wipe away
every tear from their eyes and death shall be no more, neither shall there be
mourning or crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away
(Revelation 21:1-4).



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http://au.yahoo.com/y7mail

Just sitting here chatting with Leigh and wondering how you are
Vanessa, is anyone in touch with her?

Sending all my love and thoughts to you and your family hon.

Lea xxxxxx

Hello Vanessa,

Your post has made me feel so sad.  Meeting your son for the first
should be a wonderful moment, but for us all here, it has not been
so. I think we are lucky for the fact that whether stillborn or
alive, we have been able to meet our babies and spend time with
them, as I know you will.  I do feel for all of the other parents
out there who don't get to meet their babies at all for whatever
reason.  Spend as much time as you want with Matthew, the midmives
are lovely about letting you spend time with your baby.  When you
think back on the moment that you met Matthew, it will be you
memories that you will think on forever.  We did get photos of
Isabell but my memory of holding her and being with her have been
the most comforting.  If I could go back, I would of spent more time
with her before giving her back to the midwives as that was the last
time I saw her.  Your post has brought all of my memories of her
birth flooding back.  I wish you all the best with the birth.

Take Care
Love Jenny


--- In as_ap@..., Chris & Vanessa Murphy
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> One week to go…..
> And how do I feel?
> Sad…sad about having to say goodbye soon. I guess I’ve always
known that this day would come, but to be just a week away seems
surreal. It is hard to process all the emotions and thoughts I have
at this point, while at the same time looking ahead to a time of
physical pain (the birth) and discomfort (all that stuff after the
birth) and wondering how I will ever get through being in hospital,
missing my girl and being too emotional to face my friends and my
normal life for a while.
> Saying goodbye is so hard to do. It makes me realise how terrible
a diagnosis of a terminal illness must be for any family. To know
that there is only so much time left with a loved one. Only in this
case, that loved one is inside me and I haven’t even met him yet!
I do look forward to meeting him now, but how I pray that he will be
alive when we meet. Chris reminded me last week how important it is
for the two of us to have our special time with our son and not to
be impatient to have his short life filled with meeting family and
friends, having photos taken and “doing” things. It is so hard
because I grieve the fact that many of my friends will never meet
him or never meet him alive, that I won’t have that usual time of
getting to know him, and learning to care for him, that there
won’t be the usual baby stuff arriving in the mail for weeks after
he’s born. I am however, conscious of the fact that as his mummy I
can still care for his needs
>  in each moment, however long those moments might be, that I need
to relish every minute I get to look at him, and to remember that
the only regrets we might have in years to come will be that we
didn’t spend our special time with him before sharing him with
family and friends.
> Last night I took Matthew with me (of course) to church for
perhaps (or should I say probably) the last time. Up until now he
has just been a part of me �" going where I go �" and how I will
face the world without his presence in my tummy I don’t know. On
Thursday I am having a baby celebration with some close friends. It
was Carolyn’s idea and I am so glad that she organised it all
before she ran it past me. It will be a good thing to do, especially
on my due date, and I hope I have the strength to thank those
friends for their incredible love and courage over the last 6 months
in caring for us.
> Thank you too for your support through your messages and the
opportunity I have to write things like this.
> Love Vanessa
>  
>
>
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