Liz, I am so thrilled to read the news of the safe, and speedy (yikes)
arrival of Riley, congratulations.

Welcome to the world Riley, a precious rainbow baby for a special
family.

I cannot wait to see some photos when you get a chance, but everyone
understands just how busy life must be right now.

Sending big hugs.

Lea xxxxxx

Hi everyone.  I haven't posted much lately (as per usual for me), but
I'm always here and reading ALL the posts!

This one I just couldn't resist!

Congratulations Liz!

Although a stressful (160kmh OMG!)and exciting birth, it's great to
hear that Riley (great name btw) is doing all the great things as he
should.  And 5-7 hours sleep at night is fantastic!  I'm so jealous!

Having had a recent stay in hospital myself, I have to say that there
are good nurses, and then some real shockers.  Unfortunately, my two
worst ones always did night shift, and one would force the
thermometer so hard in my ear it hurt for an hour afterwards, and the
other would shine a torch in my face at 1am and 5am to see if I was
awake!

You need to trust yourself (as you are) as his mother, and do what
you feel is best.  Then, if and when you need help, you ask for it!

Fantastic job mum!  Now don't be shy with the pics!

Leigh
xx
Mum to Reilly & *Tyson* 2002, Jed & Dael 2005

Hello every one,

Firstly, i am soooooooo sorry that it has taken me so long to get on
here and let you know about our news. I hope that you all had a great
christmas and new year.

Well, Riley Michael Smith was born on the 27th of December at 4:43am
after a approximate 2hr labour. He weighed 7p 15oz (3620g), was 52cm
long and had a head circumference of 34cm. It took 2 pushes and he
was out. I didn't think that we were going to make it to the hospital
on time. I was screaming at Neil in the car that i needed to push and
he just grabbed my leg and said "Don't you dare push!", then put his
foot down another 20km/ph. I know that at one stage i looked and we
were doing 160km/ph. Which was probally a good thing other wise we
might not have made it on time since the hospital is about a 30min
drive frm home. Poor bugger must have been freaking lol. We got to
hospital just after 4am and then WHAM BAM he was out. It was so fast
that i couldn't believe it. i remember thinking to myself what if
this is a false alarm and they send me home. Even though the
contractions were very regular and very painful. I for some reason
just couldn't comprehend that it was the real deal lol. I got out of
hospital on the monday. What a joke that was. This one stupid midwife
was lucky that i didn't punch her in the head. She was such a cow the
whole time i was in there. Every time a baby would cry she would rush
in and start going off and want to know why the babies were crying.
If any ones bub was unsettle for more than 5mins she would take them
away and only bring them back once they had fallen asleep. She told
me that i would have to put Riley on the bottle because my milk was
coming down fast enough. Mean while, i have so much milk now that
i've had to express a few times just to relieve myself. On saturday i
fed Riley for 15mins on each side and then expressed 150ml out of
each boob and was still full. You can't tell me that i don't have
enough milk. I've got more than what a dairy cow does lol. Any way,
as i said i got out of hospital on the monday and had to take Riley
back on the wednesday to get weighed coz he lost more than 10% of his
birth weight. He had put on 300g in a matter of 2days. it was the cow
midwife that re-weighed him and she couldn't believe that he had put
on that much, she weighed him 3 times just to make sure. Ha, that
showed her lol. other than that every things been going really well.
He feeds every 3hrs during the day and every 5-7hrs of a night so i'm
feeling GREAT!

I will TRY very hard to get back on here later and post some pics of
riley. he has finally woken up for a feed, thank god coz my boobs are
about to explode!

Chat to you all again real soon.

Take care

Liz xoxoxoxoxoox

I'd like to welcome new member Rachel to AS~AP, thanks for joining us,
please feel free to share your story with us when you feel
comfortable.  Post up a storm, we're often a bit quiet, but nobody is
ever far away.

Lea xxxxxx

Eagerly awaiting some news from you Liz, hope you're comfy and not
doing your head in too much honey.  Sending lots of love.

Lea xxxxxx

Hey Liz
How r things going. Hope ur doing well. Its almost the end.

Hope everyone else had a happy new year.

Girls

they are some beautiful messages.
I sit here and wonder how i will write as the tears pour down my
face.
I realised this christmas how much last year was just a blur and my
heart ached for my treasured girl. I like you both shed tears of
sadness and dissapointment yesterday. As i sat and watched Isabella
play joyfully with her toys and craddled my baby boy i felt the gap,
the place where my angel should be. I could picture her with my
other 2 children and realised life will never be the same, somehow
whenever there is joy there will always be a sadness for the life i
do not get to see blossom.

I do however hold onto the fact that Mercy Grace is resting in Jesus
arms and is safe with her heavenly father and i try hard to embrace
the "New Normal" that the life of our beautiful girl has necaptured
us in.

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Lea,
> Thanks so much for sharing all that you did. It was beautiful to
> read. Someone I met on another support site sent this beautiful
> prayer, which I will copy onto the bottom of this message. We
decided
> to read it on Christmas morning as we sat next to Matthew's grave.
It
> really helped us to remember Matthew in a meaningful way this
> Christmas. We went there at about 9am. I was amazed at how many
> people were down at the cemetery. I go at least once a week, so
I'm
> used to only rarely seeing people there. It's not something I've
ever
> considered before, but so many people miss their loved ones, don't
> they? Anabelle sprinkled my current collection of rose petals on
the
> grave and said "Look Mummy, there's no wind!" (Last time they all
> blew away!) My husband had bought a present for Matthew, so we sat
> and Anabelle opened it. I hadn't seen it yet - It was just a baby
toy
> suitable for a 3 month old (some colourful keys), but he had had
an
> engraving put on it "To Matthew, Love Daddy. Christmas 2008". I
was
> in tears, it was a beautiful thing for him to do. Then we read the
> prayer. We also hung a Christmas angel I found among our
decorations
> and some ribbons on his "Christmas tree" (A big pot of native
flowers
> I bought for his 3 months anniversary on the 15th). I might post
> another pic for you.
> Thinking of everyone during this hard time.
> Love Vanessa
>
> We cannot care for you the way we wanted,
> or cradle you or listen for your cry;
> but seperated as we are by silence,
> love will not die.
>
> We cannot watch you grow to childhood
> and find a new uniqueness every day,
> but special as you would have been among us,
> you will stay.
>
> We cannot know the pain or the potential
> which passing years would summon or reveal;
> but for that true fulfilment Jesus promised
> we hope and feel.
>
> So through the mess of anger, grief and tiredness,
> through tensions which are not yet reconciled,
> we give to God the worship of our sorrow
> and our dear child.
>
> Lord, in your arms which cradle all creation
> we rest and place our baby beyond death,
> believing that he now, alive in heaven,
> breathes with your breath.
>
>
>
>
> --- In as_ap@..., Lea Coleman <leannec72@> wrote:
> >
> > Vanessa, that is a beautiful Christmas message, I too have had
> a hard time thinking about my own son Ben this Christmas, and
I
> have been thinking of all my friends here on this day.
> >
> > We visit with Ben on Christmas morning each year, good lord,
this
> is our 3rd Christmas since he passed away!   I had been very
> together about things this year, until the moment we were to
leave
> the cemetary, and the tears came, they snuck up on me, and I
leaned
> into my husband's chest and waited for the safety of his hug.  I
> cried, and I cried, I apologised but explained I had to cry, and
> cried some more.
> >
> > It isn't fair that we are without our son's and daughters on
any
> day, but on this most holy and special day it is probably the
> hardest.  We should be buying and wrapping presents for happy
> little people,not, as in my case, buying the memory candle or a
new
> ornament for a little boy who will never open his christmas
stocking
> and squeal with delight over the reindeer eating the carrots.
> >
> > For those who believe in such things, I will tell the tale of
> Ben's visit to us on christmas eve, in the hope it will give hope
as
> it did to us.
> >
> > We have a special toy, it's no different to any other really but
> it's special because i asked Ben to use it as his vehicle to
getting
> my attention and for the second time, last night, this is what he
did.
> >
> > As we sat admiring our (trainwreck of a) christmas tree, Nara
> suddendly darted towards the window seat where the tree is
standing,
> as she neared the seat the familiar tune of this toy started. 
Not
> unsual but for the fact that for many long months this toy has
> had flat batteries or similiar and hasn't made a sound even
when we
> tried to make it.  I am sure Nara sensed something, she didn't
get
> near enough to touch the toy, but her interest in that spot near
the
> tree was intense and sudden...........we all recognised it as a
sign
> that Ben, too, thought our tree was just great and approved of his
> new ornament (a frog ornament each year in his honour).  Later
> that night as we drove about looking at the christmas lights, we
saw
> a giant green frog on the road....yes, he was very near.
> >
> > Driving out to the cemetary this morning Nara
asked "where's Ben
> mummy?".  I replied "he's in the place as always".....she
said "in
> heaven mummy!" and I said "yes, and right here in our
> hearts".....she nodded and smiled.
> >
> > I tried so hard to remember those special signs today as I
drove
> away from where my son's resting place is.......to remember that
he
> is ALWAYS closer than it seems, but I am so thankful for that toy
> playing it's tune for us last night....it's the best christmas
> present I've ever had.
> >
> > Bless you all on this holy night, and take care of your heads
and
> your hearts as you work through the mixed emotions of the holiday
> season.
> >
> > Lea xxxxxx
> >  
> > Lea xxxxxx
> > Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> > Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the
o'er-
> fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ________________________________
> > From: Vanessa Murphy <chrisandvanessamurphy@>
> > To: as_ap@...
> > Sent: Wednesday, 24 December, 2008 8:15:21 PM
> > Subject: [as_ap] Christmas
> >
> > Hi everyone, I want to wish you all a Happy Christmas, and thank
> you
> > for your invaluable support over this year. Be gentle with
> > yourselves, and I hope you can spend some precious time with
your
> > families. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about
> Christmas
> > below.
> > Love Vanessa
> >
> > 24th December, 2008
> >
> > Everyone has been warning me that our first Christmas without
> Matthew
> > would be hard. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it that way
> > myself until tonight. We were only just pregnant with Matthew
last
> > Christmas, and didn't know it, so in a way, we've never had
> Christmas
> > with Matthew anyway. But at church tonight, I couldn't help but
get
> > teary. The Christmas story after all is all about God becoming
one
> of
> > us, as a baby boy. The references to pregnant Mary, baby boys,
even
> > children in God's care ("Away in a Manger") came thick and fast
and
> I
> > could not avoid thinking about my boy. I even saw one of the
nurses
> > from my post-Matthew hospital stay at the service. The first
song
> we
> > sung referred to Mary being "anxious for her unborn child". I
> > couldn't help think what would she have to be anxious about? An
> angel
> > of God had given her the message that her baby was to be God's
own
> > son, and she was not to be afraid. God would not allow anything
to
> > prevent Jesus' birth, it was his plan all along, and Mary must
have
> > trusted God on this. I have always thought of Jesus as an adult,
as
> > the saviour God, and despite teaching Anabelle for the last few
> weeks
> > about the baby Jesus born at Christmas, I did not feel any sad
> > connection with Matthew until now. Unfortunately in some ways,
> every
> > Christmas hymn seems to stir up images of the "mother and
child",
> and
> > people like the shepherds and wise men visiting the baby. "Away
in
> a
> > Manger" was very hard to sing. "The little Lord Jesus lay down
his
> > sweet head", "Little Lord Jesus no crying he makes" (well I'm
sure
> he
> > did, but my Matthew didn't), "Bless all the dear children in
your
> > tender care, and fit us for heaven to live with you there". Well
> that
> > might as well have been written about Matthew! Bless my boy, in
> > heaven, in God's tender care. 
> > Thank you Lord for becoming a baby, being born in a stable in
> > Bethlehem, so that we could know God and one day go to live with
> you
> > forever.
> >
> >
> >
> > ------------------------------------
> >
> > Yahoo!7 Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >       Stay connected to the people that matter most with a
smarter
> inbox. Take a look http://au.docs.yahoo.com/mail/smarterinbox
> >
>

Hi Lea,
Thanks so much for sharing all that you did. It was beautiful to
read. Someone I met on another support site sent this beautiful
prayer, which I will copy onto the bottom of this message. We decided
to read it on Christmas morning as we sat next to Matthew's grave. It
really helped us to remember Matthew in a meaningful way this
Christmas. We went there at about 9am. I was amazed at how many
people were down at the cemetery. I go at least once a week, so I'm
used to only rarely seeing people there. It's not something I've ever
considered before, but so many people miss their loved ones, don't
they? Anabelle sprinkled my current collection of rose petals on the
grave and said "Look Mummy, there's no wind!" (Last time they all
blew away!) My husband had bought a present for Matthew, so we sat
and Anabelle opened it. I hadn't seen it yet - It was just a baby toy
suitable for a 3 month old (some colourful keys), but he had had an
engraving put on it "To Matthew, Love Daddy. Christmas 2008". I was
in tears, it was a beautiful thing for him to do. Then we read the
prayer. We also hung a Christmas angel I found among our decorations
and some ribbons on his "Christmas tree" (A big pot of native flowers
I bought for his 3 months anniversary on the 15th). I might post
another pic for you.
Thinking of everyone during this hard time.
Love Vanessa

We cannot care for you the way we wanted,
or cradle you or listen for your cry;
but seperated as we are by silence,
love will not die.

We cannot watch you grow to childhood
and find a new uniqueness every day,
but special as you would have been among us,
you will stay.

We cannot know the pain or the potential
which passing years would summon or reveal;
but for that true fulfilment Jesus promised
we hope and feel.

So through the mess of anger, grief and tiredness,
through tensions which are not yet reconciled,
we give to God the worship of our sorrow
and our dear child.

Lord, in your arms which cradle all creation
we rest and place our baby beyond death,
believing that he now, alive in heaven,
breathes with your breath.




--- In as_ap@..., Lea Coleman <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Vanessa, that is a beautiful Christmas message, I too have had
a hard time thinking about my own son Ben this Christmas, and I
have been thinking of all my friends here on this day.
>
> We visit with Ben on Christmas morning each year, good lord, this
is our 3rd Christmas since he passed away!   I had been very
together about things this year, until the moment we were to leave
the cemetary, and the tears came, they snuck up on me, and I leaned
into my husband's chest and waited for the safety of his hug.  I
cried, and I cried, I apologised but explained I had to cry, and
cried some more.
>
> It isn't fair that we are without our son's and daughters on any
day, but on this most holy and special day it is probably the
hardest.  We should be buying and wrapping presents for happy
little people,not, as in my case, buying the memory candle or a new
ornament for a little boy who will never open his christmas stocking
and squeal with delight over the reindeer eating the carrots.
>
> For those who believe in such things, I will tell the tale of
Ben's visit to us on christmas eve, in the hope it will give hope as
it did to us.
>
> We have a special toy, it's no different to any other really but
it's special because i asked Ben to use it as his vehicle to getting
my attention and for the second time, last night, this is what he did.
>
> As we sat admiring our (trainwreck of a) christmas tree, Nara
suddendly darted towards the window seat where the tree is standing,
as she neared the seat the familiar tune of this toy started.  Not
unsual but for the fact that for many long months this toy has
had flat batteries or similiar and hasn't made a sound even when we
tried to make it.  I am sure Nara sensed something, she didn't get
near enough to touch the toy, but her interest in that spot near the
tree was intense and sudden...........we all recognised it as a sign
that Ben, too, thought our tree was just great and approved of his
new ornament (a frog ornament each year in his honour).  Later
that night as we drove about looking at the christmas lights, we saw
a giant green frog on the road....yes, he was very near.
>
> Driving out to the cemetary this morning Nara asked "where's Ben
mummy?".  I replied "he's in the place as always".....she said "in
heaven mummy!" and I said "yes, and right here in our
hearts".....she nodded and smiled.
>
> I tried so hard to remember those special signs today as I drove
away from where my son's resting place is.......to remember that he
is ALWAYS closer than it seems, but I am so thankful for that toy
playing it's tune for us last night....it's the best christmas
present I've ever had.
>
> Bless you all on this holy night, and take care of your heads and
your hearts as you work through the mixed emotions of the holiday
season.
>
> Lea xxxxxx
>  
> Lea xxxxxx
> Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-
fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: Vanessa Murphy <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Wednesday, 24 December, 2008 8:15:21 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] Christmas
>
> Hi everyone, I want to wish you all a Happy Christmas, and thank
you
> for your invaluable support over this year. Be gentle with
> yourselves, and I hope you can spend some precious time with your
> families. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about
Christmas
> below.
> Love Vanessa
>
> 24th December, 2008
>
> Everyone has been warning me that our first Christmas without
Matthew
> would be hard. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it that way
> myself until tonight. We were only just pregnant with Matthew last
> Christmas, and didn't know it, so in a way, we've never had
Christmas
> with Matthew anyway. But at church tonight, I couldn't help but get
> teary. The Christmas story after all is all about God becoming one
of
> us, as a baby boy. The references to pregnant Mary, baby boys, even
> children in God's care ("Away in a Manger") came thick and fast and
I
> could not avoid thinking about my boy. I even saw one of the nurses
> from my post-Matthew hospital stay at the service. The first song
we
> sung referred to Mary being "anxious for her unborn child". I
> couldn't help think what would she have to be anxious about? An
angel
> of God had given her the message that her baby was to be God's own
> son, and she was not to be afraid. God would not allow anything to
> prevent Jesus' birth, it was his plan all along, and Mary must have
> trusted God on this. I have always thought of Jesus as an adult, as
> the saviour God, and despite teaching Anabelle for the last few
weeks
> about the baby Jesus born at Christmas, I did not feel any sad
> connection with Matthew until now. Unfortunately in some ways,
every
> Christmas hymn seems to stir up images of the "mother and child",
and
> people like the shepherds and wise men visiting the baby. "Away in
a
> Manger" was very hard to sing. "The little Lord Jesus lay down his
> sweet head", "Little Lord Jesus no crying he makes" (well I'm sure
he
> did, but my Matthew didn't), "Bless all the dear children in your
> tender care, and fit us for heaven to live with you there". Well
that
> might as well have been written about Matthew! Bless my boy, in
> heaven, in God's tender care. 
> Thank you Lord for becoming a baby, being born in a stable in
> Bethlehem, so that we could know God and one day go to live with
you
> forever.
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo!7 Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>       Stay connected to the people that matter most with a smarter
inbox. Take a look http://au.docs.yahoo.com/mail/smarterinbox
>

Hi everyone, I want to wish you all a Happy Christmas, and thank you
for your invaluable support over this year. Be gentle with
yourselves, and I hope you can spend some precious time with your
families. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about Christmas
below.
Love Vanessa

24th December, 2008

Everyone has been warning me that our first Christmas without Matthew
would be hard. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it that way
myself until tonight. We were only just pregnant with Matthew last
Christmas, and didn't know it, so in a way, we've never had Christmas
with Matthew anyway. But at church tonight, I couldn't help but get
teary. The Christmas story after all is all about God becoming one of
us, as a baby boy. The references to pregnant Mary, baby boys, even
children in God's care ("Away in a Manger") came thick and fast and I
could not avoid thinking about my boy. I even saw one of the nurses
from my post-Matthew hospital stay at the service. The first song we
sung referred to Mary being "anxious for her unborn child". I
couldn't help think what would she have to be anxious about? An angel
of God had given her the message that her baby was to be God's own
son, and she was not to be afraid. God would not allow anything to
prevent Jesus' birth, it was his plan all along, and Mary must have
trusted God on this. I have always thought of Jesus as an adult, as
the saviour God, and despite teaching Anabelle for the last few weeks
about the baby Jesus born at Christmas, I did not feel any sad
connection with Matthew until now. Unfortunately in some ways, every
Christmas hymn seems to stir up images of the "mother and child", and
people like the shepherds and wise men visiting the baby. "Away in a
Manger" was very hard to sing. "The little Lord Jesus lay down his
sweet head", "Little Lord Jesus no crying he makes" (well I'm sure he
did, but my Matthew didn't), "Bless all the dear children in your
tender care, and fit us for heaven to live with you there". Well that
might as well have been written about Matthew! Bless my boy, in
heaven, in God's tender care.
Thank you Lord for becoming a baby, being born in a stable in
Bethlehem, so that we could know God and one day go to live with you
forever.

Hey liz

euther way works. the outside of the capsule dissolves. it is less
messy to insert if you dont prick but absorbed quicker if u do.
makes no real difference in the long run.

sending you labour vibes and a very merry christmas. hoping to hear
u are holding your little one real soon.

dont worry about the vent. we all need to every once in a while.

--- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@...> wrote:
>
> Pettina- With the evening primrose capsuals do i just insert them
or
> do i need to puncture them with a pin or some thing first? I'm
gonna
> try it tonight so if i don't hear back from you i'll just shove em
up
> there lol.
>
> Went to midwives again today. the midwife said that they have NO
> patients at the moment. I suggested once again that they induce me
> and she reckons its "too early". I HAVE 1 WEEK TO GO! How can that
be
> too early? If he had of stayed breach they would have gave me a
> ceaser last week so why not induce me this week? AGRRRRR i hate
> Gladstone hospital. I wish that i had of gone down to brisbane and
> just had him there at least he would have been out by now and i
would
> be happy instead of being so far over it that its not funny. sorry
> but people really piss me off at times. I bet the stupid woman
> doesn't even have kids. She looked younger than what i am. Sorry
for
> the vent. I don't even know where that came from, it just come out.
>
> if i don't get on here again tomorrow i hope you all have a great
> christmas. I'll prebally be having my baby on christmas day, just
to
> annoy me even more lol.
>
> Take care every one.
>
> Liz
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> wrote:
> >
> > Hey Liz. You poor thing. Im sending you really bug hugs. I know
how
> > hard those last couple of weeks are paticularly emotionally. I
was
> > just lucky that i was listened to and induced early. I was
really
> > becoming a basket case.
> >
> > Try inserting 2 evening primrose tablets at night(wear a pad
just
> > incase of leakage)as your going to bed. Insert as far up as
> > possible.
> >
> > I am just stuck for words. My heart really goes out to you. Just
> > remebering how i was at the end of my pregnancy.
> >
> > HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG.....
> >
> > --- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hey Pettina,
> > > Sorry for the super late reply. I'm due on the 3rd of jan by
my
> > date
> > > or the 31st Dec by the scan date, so around 2 wks left. I've
> spent
> > > today mowing the grass (which has almost killed me) and have
> taken
> > 2
> > > of the evening primrose capsuals. AGRRRRRR I just want him
> out!!!!
> > > Now i'm gonna go and catch up on some house work and then
tonight
> > > might have some sex lol. Wish me luck.
> > >
> > > Liz
> > >
> > > --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves"
<pettinabeves@>
> > > wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Oh Liz.
> > > >
> > > > The hospital sounds soo sympathetic. How rediculous. I can
tell
> > you
> > > > now that hospitals do social inductions. It makes me soo mad
> > when
> > > > doctors dont listen to us. I wish they would realise they
dont
> > know
> > > > it all. When was/is your due date. Sorry i am soo forgetful
at
> > the
> > > > moment.
> > > >
> > > > Im thinking of you and hoping to hear some good news soon.
> > > >
> > > > Pettina xoxox
> > > >
> > > > P.S I posted a few photos ofthe little man today./ Have some
> > newer
> > > > ones that i must download onto the computer soon
> > > >
> > > > --- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@>
wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Hey every one,
> > > > >
> > > > > Just thought that i would give you all a quick update on
me.
> > > Well,
> > > > > firstly i am still in one piece and soooooooo over it.
Every
> > > > > midwives/doctors appointment for the past 3 weeks i have
> > broken
> > > > down
> > > > > and cried and tried to explain to them how anxious ect i
am
> > > > feeling
> > > > > and they basically don't care. i came straight out and
asked
> > the
> > > > > midwife to induce me today and she said that they won't
> > because
> > > > there
> > > > > is no "medical" reason for them too and the only way i
will
> > get
> > > > > induced is if i go past my due date and then i still have
to
> > wait
> > > > > until i'm 10 days over. So here i am planning  a day of
> trying
> > to
> > > > > induce myself. I am going to get evening primrose capsuals
> and
> > > > > raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, have lots of sex and go for a
> > heap
> > > of
> > > > > walks and drive around like a fat whale on my ride on
mower.
> > If
> > > > any
> > > > > one else knows of any other things that might help this
lil
> > man
> > > > come
> > > > > out then PLEASE post them in here for me coz at this point
i
> > will
> > > > try
> > > > > any thing and every thing. Knowing my luck nothing will
work
> > and
> > > > i'll
> > > > > spend christmas day in hospital delivering my baby. Kids
are
> > > being
> > > > > feral so i had better go and put them both to bed. taliah
was
> > > > awake
> > > > > from 1:30am until about 5am this morning so she is stuffed
> and
> > so
> > > > > sooky and driving me up the walls. I hope every one else
is
> > doing
> > > > > well. take care hey.
> > > > >
> > > > > Liz xoxoxoxoxox
> > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>

Pettina- With the evening primrose capsuals do i just insert them or
do i need to puncture them with a pin or some thing first? I'm gonna
try it tonight so if i don't hear back from you i'll just shove em up
there lol.

Went to midwives again today. the midwife said that they have NO
patients at the moment. I suggested once again that they induce me
and she reckons its "too early". I HAVE 1 WEEK TO GO! How can that be
too early? If he had of stayed breach they would have gave me a
ceaser last week so why not induce me this week? AGRRRRR i hate
Gladstone hospital. I wish that i had of gone down to brisbane and
just had him there at least he would have been out by now and i would
be happy instead of being so far over it that its not funny. sorry
but people really piss me off at times. I bet the stupid woman
doesn't even have kids. She looked younger than what i am. Sorry for
the vent. I don't even know where that came from, it just come out.

if i don't get on here again tomorrow i hope you all have a great
christmas. I'll prebally be having my baby on christmas day, just to
annoy me even more lol.

Take care every one.

Liz

--- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@...>
wrote:
>
> Hey Liz. You poor thing. Im sending you really bug hugs. I know how
> hard those last couple of weeks are paticularly emotionally. I was
> just lucky that i was listened to and induced early. I was really
> becoming a basket case.
>
> Try inserting 2 evening primrose tablets at night(wear a pad just
> incase of leakage)as your going to bed. Insert as far up as
> possible.
>
> I am just stuck for words. My heart really goes out to you. Just
> remebering how i was at the end of my pregnancy.
>
> HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG.....
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@> wrote:
> >
> > Hey Pettina,
> > Sorry for the super late reply. I'm due on the 3rd of jan by my
> date
> > or the 31st Dec by the scan date, so around 2 wks left. I've
spent
> > today mowing the grass (which has almost killed me) and have
taken
> 2
> > of the evening primrose capsuals. AGRRRRRR I just want him
out!!!!
> > Now i'm gonna go and catch up on some house work and then tonight
> > might have some sex lol. Wish me luck.
> >
> > Liz
> >
> > --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> > wrote:
> > >
> > > Oh Liz.
> > >
> > > The hospital sounds soo sympathetic. How rediculous. I can tell
> you
> > > now that hospitals do social inductions. It makes me soo mad
> when
> > > doctors dont listen to us. I wish they would realise they dont
> know
> > > it all. When was/is your due date. Sorry i am soo forgetful at
> the
> > > moment.
> > >
> > > Im thinking of you and hoping to hear some good news soon.
> > >
> > > Pettina xoxox
> > >
> > > P.S I posted a few photos ofthe little man today./ Have some
> newer
> > > ones that i must download onto the computer soon
> > >
> > > --- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hey every one,
> > > >
> > > > Just thought that i would give you all a quick update on me.
> > Well,
> > > > firstly i am still in one piece and soooooooo over it. Every
> > > > midwives/doctors appointment for the past 3 weeks i have
> broken
> > > down
> > > > and cried and tried to explain to them how anxious ect i am
> > > feeling
> > > > and they basically don't care. i came straight out and asked
> the
> > > > midwife to induce me today and she said that they won't
> because
> > > there
> > > > is no "medical" reason for them too and the only way i will
> get
> > > > induced is if i go past my due date and then i still have to
> wait
> > > > until i'm 10 days over. So here i am planning  a day of
trying
> to
> > > > induce myself. I am going to get evening primrose capsuals
and
> > > > raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, have lots of sex and go for a
> heap
> > of
> > > > walks and drive around like a fat whale on my ride on mower.
> If
> > > any
> > > > one else knows of any other things that might help this lil
> man
> > > come
> > > > out then PLEASE post them in here for me coz at this point i
> will
> > > try
> > > > any thing and every thing. Knowing my luck nothing will work
> and
> > > i'll
> > > > spend christmas day in hospital delivering my baby. Kids are
> > being
> > > > feral so i had better go and put them both to bed. taliah was
> > > awake
> > > > from 1:30am until about 5am this morning so she is stuffed
and
> so
> > > > sooky and driving me up the walls. I hope every one else is
> doing
> > > > well. take care hey.
> > > >
> > > > Liz xoxoxoxoxox
> > > >
> > >
> >
>

Hey Liz. You poor thing. Im sending you really bug hugs. I know how
hard those last couple of weeks are paticularly emotionally. I was
just lucky that i was listened to and induced early. I was really
becoming a basket case.

Try inserting 2 evening primrose tablets at night(wear a pad just
incase of leakage)as your going to bed. Insert as far up as
possible.

I am just stuck for words. My heart really goes out to you. Just
remebering how i was at the end of my pregnancy.

HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG.....

--- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@...> wrote:
>
> Hey Pettina,
> Sorry for the super late reply. I'm due on the 3rd of jan by my
date
> or the 31st Dec by the scan date, so around 2 wks left. I've spent
> today mowing the grass (which has almost killed me) and have taken
2
> of the evening primrose capsuals. AGRRRRRR I just want him out!!!!
> Now i'm gonna go and catch up on some house work and then tonight
> might have some sex lol. Wish me luck.
>
> Liz
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> wrote:
> >
> > Oh Liz.
> >
> > The hospital sounds soo sympathetic. How rediculous. I can tell
you
> > now that hospitals do social inductions. It makes me soo mad
when
> > doctors dont listen to us. I wish they would realise they dont
know
> > it all. When was/is your due date. Sorry i am soo forgetful at
the
> > moment.
> >
> > Im thinking of you and hoping to hear some good news soon.
> >
> > Pettina xoxox
> >
> > P.S I posted a few photos ofthe little man today./ Have some
newer
> > ones that i must download onto the computer soon
> >
> > --- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hey every one,
> > >
> > > Just thought that i would give you all a quick update on me.
> Well,
> > > firstly i am still in one piece and soooooooo over it. Every
> > > midwives/doctors appointment for the past 3 weeks i have
broken
> > down
> > > and cried and tried to explain to them how anxious ect i am
> > feeling
> > > and they basically don't care. i came straight out and asked
the
> > > midwife to induce me today and she said that they won't
because
> > there
> > > is no "medical" reason for them too and the only way i will
get
> > > induced is if i go past my due date and then i still have to
wait
> > > until i'm 10 days over. So here i am planning  a day of trying
to
> > > induce myself. I am going to get evening primrose capsuals and
> > > raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, have lots of sex and go for a
heap
> of
> > > walks and drive around like a fat whale on my ride on mower.
If
> > any
> > > one else knows of any other things that might help this lil
man
> > come
> > > out then PLEASE post them in here for me coz at this point i
will
> > try
> > > any thing and every thing. Knowing my luck nothing will work
and
> > i'll
> > > spend christmas day in hospital delivering my baby. Kids are
> being
> > > feral so i had better go and put them both to bed. taliah was
> > awake
> > > from 1:30am until about 5am this morning so she is stuffed and
so
> > > sooky and driving me up the walls. I hope every one else is
doing
> > > well. take care hey.
> > >
> > > Liz xoxoxoxoxox
> > >
> >
>

Hey Pettina,
Sorry for the super late reply. I'm due on the 3rd of jan by my date
or the 31st Dec by the scan date, so around 2 wks left. I've spent
today mowing the grass (which has almost killed me) and have taken 2
of the evening primrose capsuals. AGRRRRRR I just want him out!!!!
Now i'm gonna go and catch up on some house work and then tonight
might have some sex lol. Wish me luck.

Liz

--- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@...>
wrote:
>
> Oh Liz.
>
> The hospital sounds soo sympathetic. How rediculous. I can tell you
> now that hospitals do social inductions. It makes me soo mad when
> doctors dont listen to us. I wish they would realise they dont know
> it all. When was/is your due date. Sorry i am soo forgetful at the
> moment.
>
> Im thinking of you and hoping to hear some good news soon.
>
> Pettina xoxox
>
> P.S I posted a few photos ofthe little man today./ Have some newer
> ones that i must download onto the computer soon
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@> wrote:
> >
> > Hey every one,
> >
> > Just thought that i would give you all a quick update on me.
Well,
> > firstly i am still in one piece and soooooooo over it. Every
> > midwives/doctors appointment for the past 3 weeks i have broken
> down
> > and cried and tried to explain to them how anxious ect i am
> feeling
> > and they basically don't care. i came straight out and asked the
> > midwife to induce me today and she said that they won't because
> there
> > is no "medical" reason for them too and the only way i will get
> > induced is if i go past my due date and then i still have to wait
> > until i'm 10 days over. So here i am planning  a day of trying to
> > induce myself. I am going to get evening primrose capsuals and
> > raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, have lots of sex and go for a heap
of
> > walks and drive around like a fat whale on my ride on mower. If
> any
> > one else knows of any other things that might help this lil man
> come
> > out then PLEASE post them in here for me coz at this point i will
> try
> > any thing and every thing. Knowing my luck nothing will work and
> i'll
> > spend christmas day in hospital delivering my baby. Kids are
being
> > feral so i had better go and put them both to bed. taliah was
> awake
> > from 1:30am until about 5am this morning so she is stuffed and so
> > sooky and driving me up the walls. I hope every one else is doing
> > well. take care hey.
> >
> > Liz xoxoxoxoxox
> >
>

Hi Liz,
I'm sorry to hear of all the trouble you're having with the hospital.
I've heard that licorice may work for getting labour started...
I pray that you will be able to relax as you await the right time for
your precious baby to arrive.
Love Vanessa



--- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@...>
wrote:
>
> Oh Liz.
>
> The hospital sounds soo sympathetic. How rediculous. I can tell you
> now that hospitals do social inductions. It makes me soo mad when
> doctors dont listen to us. I wish they would realise they dont know
> it all. When was/is your due date. Sorry i am soo forgetful at the
> moment.
>
> Im thinking of you and hoping to hear some good news soon.
>
> Pettina xoxox
>
> P.S I posted a few photos ofthe little man today./ Have some newer
> ones that i must download onto the computer soon
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@> wrote:
> >
> > Hey every one,
> >
> > Just thought that i would give you all a quick update on me.
Well,
> > firstly i am still in one piece and soooooooo over it. Every
> > midwives/doctors appointment for the past 3 weeks i have broken
> down
> > and cried and tried to explain to them how anxious ect i am
> feeling
> > and they basically don't care. i came straight out and asked the
> > midwife to induce me today and she said that they won't because
> there
> > is no "medical" reason for them too and the only way i will get
> > induced is if i go past my due date and then i still have to wait
> > until i'm 10 days over. So here i am planning  a day of trying to
> > induce myself. I am going to get evening primrose capsuals and
> > raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, have lots of sex and go for a heap
of
> > walks and drive around like a fat whale on my ride on mower. If
> any
> > one else knows of any other things that might help this lil man
> come
> > out then PLEASE post them in here for me coz at this point i will
> try
> > any thing and every thing. Knowing my luck nothing will work and
> i'll
> > spend christmas day in hospital delivering my baby. Kids are
being
> > feral so i had better go and put them both to bed. taliah was
> awake
> > from 1:30am until about 5am this morning so she is stuffed and so
> > sooky and driving me up the walls. I hope every one else is doing
> > well. take care hey.
> >
> > Liz xoxoxoxoxox
> >
>

Oh Liz.

The hospital sounds soo sympathetic. How rediculous. I can tell you
now that hospitals do social inductions. It makes me soo mad when
doctors dont listen to us. I wish they would realise they dont know
it all. When was/is your due date. Sorry i am soo forgetful at the
moment.

Im thinking of you and hoping to hear some good news soon.

Pettina xoxox

P.S I posted a few photos ofthe little man today./ Have some newer
ones that i must download onto the computer soon

--- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@...> wrote:
>
> Hey every one,
>
> Just thought that i would give you all a quick update on me. Well,
> firstly i am still in one piece and soooooooo over it. Every
> midwives/doctors appointment for the past 3 weeks i have broken
down
> and cried and tried to explain to them how anxious ect i am
feeling
> and they basically don't care. i came straight out and asked the
> midwife to induce me today and she said that they won't because
there
> is no "medical" reason for them too and the only way i will get
> induced is if i go past my due date and then i still have to wait
> until i'm 10 days over. So here i am planning  a day of trying to
> induce myself. I am going to get evening primrose capsuals and
> raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, have lots of sex and go for a heap of
> walks and drive around like a fat whale on my ride on mower. If
any
> one else knows of any other things that might help this lil man
come
> out then PLEASE post them in here for me coz at this point i will
try
> any thing and every thing. Knowing my luck nothing will work and
i'll
> spend christmas day in hospital delivering my baby. Kids are being
> feral so i had better go and put them both to bed. taliah was
awake
> from 1:30am until about 5am this morning so she is stuffed and so
> sooky and driving me up the walls. I hope every one else is doing
> well. take care hey.
>
> Liz xoxoxoxoxox
>

Hey every one,

Just thought that i would give you all a quick update on me. Well,
firstly i am still in one piece and soooooooo over it. Every
midwives/doctors appointment for the past 3 weeks i have broken down
and cried and tried to explain to them how anxious ect i am feeling
and they basically don't care. i came straight out and asked the
midwife to induce me today and she said that they won't because there
is no "medical" reason for them too and the only way i will get
induced is if i go past my due date and then i still have to wait
until i'm 10 days over. So here i am planning  a day of trying to
induce myself. I am going to get evening primrose capsuals and
raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, have lots of sex and go for a heap of
walks and drive around like a fat whale on my ride on mower. If any
one else knows of any other things that might help this lil man come
out then PLEASE post them in here for me coz at this point i will try
any thing and every thing. Knowing my luck nothing will work and i'll
spend christmas day in hospital delivering my baby. Kids are being
feral so i had better go and put them both to bed. taliah was awake
from 1:30am until about 5am this morning so she is stuffed and so
sooky and driving me up the walls. I hope every one else is doing
well. take care hey.

Liz xoxoxoxoxox

Wow
Reading the emails and seeing how others are feeling at the moment i
all of a sudden dont feel so alone, yet somehow ven lonlier. I wish we
all could meet and just hug for a minute. How i need that rigt now.

I miss my Mercy grace soo badly at the present i lamost dont know what
to do with myself. Life keeps going, including a new baby for me yet
somehow that has only in the last week intensified my sense of lose
for my precious baby girl.

I feel detached at times from my other children, wanting sweet Mercy
back in my arms so badly. Nothing will ever replace her.

To Vanessa and Jenny i send you the biggest hugs ever.

--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> It was great to hear from you both, and to know you're around and
> checking in on us.....life gets busy but our angel babies are always
> in our thoughts, so it's good to know we have each other to share
our
> thoughts and memories of them with, thanks for sticking with us even
> when things are a bit quiet on the board.
>
> Hugs from Lea
>

Hi Lea and Jenny,
Thanks for your messages. I think you saved me from going (completely)
crazy today!! Some days just suck!
Love Vanessa

--- In as_ap@..., Lea Coleman <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Oh girls, I wish I could do more (something?) to help you through
this, to fight your fight with you.....but as Jenny has so eloquently
put it, it really is our own battle to fight. Some of us are a
stronger fighters than others, some of us surprise ourselves with how
we cope, or similiarly, how we fail to cope.
>
> Grief is something that can't be measured, it makes it so hard
to wade through when there's no telling what depth we'll encounter,
be it a day, week or year into our grief............or 10 years down
the track I'm sure.
>
> When Vanessa talks of how the only thing she can do it take flowers
once a week to Matthew's grave it really struck a chord in me today. 
As I fussed over Ben's headstone, wiping away a few weeks worth of
muck and mud I found myself thinking the same thing.  "I should be
wiping food off your moosh Ben"...."I should be cleaning up after you
at home, not here in this place".  Nara told Ben she was toilet
training and said that Ben is in heaven too.  Oh god I wish I could
see him toilet training, what bliss to be able to clean up a stray
Ben poo in a corner.
>
> It makes me feel so reassured that creating this group was the right
thing to do when I hear you girls talk about how you find it easier
to talk to us because we have gone through the same thing, that's
exactly what we're all here for, please know that when I offer myself
to you on here or on th ephone (or in person if you need me) I mean
it, I am here, and even when quiet, this place is for all of you to
cut loose with your true thoughts.
>
> I love you girls to bits, you aren't alone.
>  
> Lea xxxxxx
> Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the
o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: Jenny <jenzi83@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Tuesday, 2 December, 2008 2:46:14 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] Vanessa - Re: Hi from Lea
>
> Hi Vanessa,
>
> My heart just breaks for you reading about everything that you are
> going through.  I'd love to tell you that it gets better but it seems
> to me that there a down days, extremely down days, happy days and
> occasionaly very happy ones.  For me, it seems to come around in
> waves. 
>
> My father hung himself when I was 13 years old. I can tell you that I
> have greived more for my daughter who I only met lifeless than he who
> brought me up.  It is so much more intense for me to have lost my
> child.
>
> I found it hard to confide to my partner how I was feeling as I
> wanted to be strong for both of us.  My friends automatically become
> awkward if Isabell is even mentioned.  Mattys mother starts to cry at
> the mere mention of her name which makes it harder for me and I don't
> feel ready to open up to my mother.  This makes talking about Isabell
> openly almost impossible.  No one actually knows how I feel.
>
> That is why I come here as there is no one that I can speak to.  I
> want to talk to people who have gone through the same thing we have
> been through.  I have found coming here has helped a little but the
> emotional battle is mine to fight and I guess I will get there
> someday.  I think this is the same for all of us.
>
> Alright, enough of my ramblings again
> Take care to you all
> Jenny
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
> <chrisandvanessamurphy@> wrote:
> >
> > Thanks Lea - I know. I'm just a bit irrational at the moment.
> > Maybe it helps to write about how I'm feeling. Here goes...
> >
> > How I'm feeling (2/12/08)
> >
> > Still fighting back anger. Had an urgent appointment with my GP
> > yesterday, but after 3 phone calls and messages, still haven't
> heard
> > back from the psychologist.
> > Missing having friends to talk to. One friend on holidays for 2
> > weeks, just when another friend tells us they are moving away in a
> > month. This friend promised us a call on the weekend but failed
> > AGAIN. Am so angry with her for who knows what…having a perfect
> life
> > I think! Her daughter is the baby who is 10 days younger than
> Matthew
> > would have been. She blames everything on sleep deprivation and
> still
> > doesn't get depressed. I feel like a failure and refuse to tell her
> > how I am, because I feel such a direct "postpartum" comparison to
> > her, without the baby part to complicate my life.
> > Friend at work having a baby shower tonight. Have decided not to
> go.
> > It's a work one, so I think because I am on sick leave from work, I
> > can get away with skipping it. But it's had to be a conscious
> > decision that it would probably be unhelpful with how I'm feeling
> at
> > the moment. I don't want to cause a scene. But, she is also having
> > a "friends" one on Sunday (no presents, just lunch thankfully).
> Plan
> > to go to that, but have no idea how it will make me feel.
> > Was doing so well a few weeks ago, why now? I'd gladly go back to
> the
> > day of Matthew's funeral. That was a good day. Visiting his grave
> > every week and getting together new flowers is all I can do for him
> > now. I don't think anyone else understands the depth of what that
> > means.
> > If I had to go back to work this week, I wouldn't be going back.
> But
> > only 7 weeks to go before I should be back into it. I DON'T CARE
> > ABOUT WORK.
> >
> > Last week's thoughts were so much nicer. Here they are so you don't
> > have to finish on today's rant.
> >
> >
> > 26/11/08
> >
> > Lots of people have been asking me lately how I am doing. It is a
> > very hard question to answer so I'm going to attempt to write
> > something coherent to pass on to those who have asked.
> > I've had a tough couple of days. I'm very tired and haven't been
> > sleeping well the last few nights. Today Anabelle is sick, so I was
> > unable to take her to daycare. Thankfully she is sleeping well
> (right
> > now) and I also had a 2 hour sleep. The last few days I'm feeling
> > confused, anxious, scatterbrained and tired. Through re-watching
> some
> > of our videos of Matthew's life and funeral, I realised last week
> how
> > enormous a "thing" I have been through. I tend to feel like I
> SHOULD
> > be able to get up and get on with normal life â€" after all, I'm
> quite
> > a capable person surely. I am learning (slowly) about how big grief
> > is. How many sadnesses there are associated with Matthew's short
> life
> > and how many things I still have to come to terms with.
> > If you are into praying, you could pray for time to reflect,
> patience
> > with others around me and their inability to understand, the
> ability
> > to cry, and perseverance to continue thinking about the "big
> picture"
> > of life.
> > I miss Matthew. I miss being pregnant. I am sad that our journey
> > together has come to an end and I cannot hold him again. I miss
> being
> > able to "do" things for him. I want to look after him. So, I direct
> > my nurturing to providing fresh flowers for his grave each Monday.
> > It's not much, but something…
> > I feel like I can't move on with life yet. I feel frustration that
> > everyone else's life seems to move on and mine is wanting to keep
> > taking in the experience of Matthew.
> > I want to remember Matthew and I want others to do so too. I like
> it
> > when people talk about him or ask how I'm doing (so thank you!),
> > because it takes away some of the isolation of grief.
> > I am thankful today for the ways that God has provided for me â€" in
> > sending a friend here who I could talk to, sending someone with
> some
> > hand me down clothes for Anabelle, a good sleep and a card letting
> me
> > know that someone was thinking of me.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Vanessa, I urge you not to wait for someone to show up as being
> > > around to speak here.
> > >
> > > You'll find that many of us are lurking about, lord knows that my
> > > computer is never far away from me....and I am nearly always
> > > contactable by phone.....holler!!!
> > >
> > > Please feel free to add me to yahoo messenger or msn messenger as
> > > it's a great way to keep in touch.
> > >
> > > Would you like to talk about how you're feeling hon?
> > >
> > > --- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
> > > <chrisandvanessamurphy@> wrote:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Hi Everyone,
> > > > Nice to hear from you again. It had been so quiet for such a
> long
> > > > time. I check the group several times a day hoping someone's
> out
> > > > there...
> > > > The last week has been hard. I seem to be on the losing end of
> > > > everything in life at the moment.
> > > > Vanessa
> > > >
> > > > --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> > > > wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Hi
> > > > >
> > > > > We are doing well here. Nathaniel is growing and is soo cute.
> > > Not
> > > > > very settled during the day tho which makes things hard.
> Bella
> > > is
> > > > > being a wonderful big sister and the last few days i have
> > really
> > > > > felt Mercy Grace not being here. We had santa photos and i
> > > noticed
> > > > > her missing.
> > > > >
> > > > > Thiings are obviously busy at the moment for us and there is
> > not
> > > > > much me time but that is one of the pleasures of being a mum.
> > > > >
> > > > > Liz, i have been thinking of you often and hope things get
> > > better.
> > > > >
> > > > > Vanessa, I cant believe it is almost christmas ( your first
> > > without
> > > > > Matthew) I will be praying for you this year and hope you are
> > > all
> > > > > doing ok.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > --- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@> wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hello all,
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Things have been pretty busy up my end.  Wild weather,
> babies
> > > > > being
> > > > > > born.  All has kept me busy.  We were'nt hit by the storm
> > very
> > > > > badly
> > > > > > at all but my heart goes out to all that were.  One of the
> > > > > neighbours
> > > > > > trees crashed over our fence and into our yard but our yard
> > is
> > > > > large
> > > > > > and very bare so we were lucky it did'nt hit anything. 
> > > > > Treeloppers
> > > > > > and insurance companies have been kept very busy so who
> knows
> > > > when
> > > > > > the landlords will be able to get it removed.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > My good friend Lisa gave birth to her son Will just over 4
> > > weeks
> > > > > ago
> > > > > > and she came to visit on Thursday, and I got to hold him
> > > (first
> > > > > baby
> > > > > > I've held since Isabell).  Absolutely adorable.  My other
> > good
> > > > > friend
> > > > > > Simone gave birth to her daughter Ella on Monday and we
> went
> > > to
> > > > > see
> > > > > > them today.  She is just gorgoeus.  Can't wait for my turn,
> > > still
> > > > > has
> > > > > > not worked out but won't be giving up anytime soon.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Liz, hope your blood pressure settles down.  Troy was born
> 2
> > > > weeks
> > > > > > early and the day of his birth I had actually gone to
> Garden
> > > City
> > > > > > (very big shopping complex) to buy toys at Toys R Us.  As
> we
> > > had
> > > > > > parked on the wrong side we had to walk from one side to
> the
> > > > other
> > > > > > and back again (I had refused to be driven).  I'm positive
> > > that
> > > > is
> > > > > > why I went into labour early!  Might work for you too if
> your
> > > > > blood
> > > > > > pressure comes down.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Lea,  I know hard it is to decide whether to go back to
> work
> > > or
> > > > > not. 
> > > > > > I went back to work for one month when my maternity leave
> had
> > > > > ended
> > > > > > with Troy.  Once away from Troy, I realised I could'nt be
> > away
> > > > > from
> > > > > > him for hours on end every day.  I love being a vet nurse
> but
> > > I
> > > > > love
> > > > > > Troy way more.  We do have to live on only one wage but its
> a
> > > > > > sacrifice we were both willing to make.  I guess once you
> go
> > > back
> > > > > to
> > > > > > work, you'll know whether you want to stay or not.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Anyways, better stop before this turns into a novel.  Hope
> > > > > everyone
> > > > > > is keeping well.
> > > > > > Jenny
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hello there my dear friends
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Just thought I'd check in on how you're all
> doing...you've
> > > all
> > > > > been
> > > > > > > very quiet.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > My life has been a bit hectic of late, no idea why or
> what
> > > > we've
> > > > > > been
> > > > > > > up to but it's just crazy.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Like Liz mentioned in her message, my children have all
> > been
> > > a
> > > > > bit
> > > > > > > feral too.  Lots of rain and that trapped feeling have
> had
> > > them
> > > > > > > climbing the walls.  Arden is cutting teeth which is
> making
> > > him
> > > > > > > bonkers and we're not getting much sleep....ahh it's all
> > > good
> > > > > fun.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > I've been facing my return to work next month which,
> thank
> > > god,
> > > > > I
> > > > > > have
> > > > > > > put off until Feb next year (after Arden's 1st
> birthday). 
> > I
> > > am
> > > > > > really
> > > > > > > having trouble considering leaving my kids to go back to
> > > work,
> > > > > but
> > > > > > > worse than that, my office is one of those places where
> > > people
> > > > > just
> > > > > > > drag you down and make you miserable.  I am really not
> > > prepared
> > > > > for
> > > > > > > that emotionally and worry about how I'll react.  I love
> my
> > > > > work, I
> > > > > > > really do, but being in a negative environment always got
> > me
> > > > > down,
> > > > > > > with my bullsh!t-o-meter working overtime since my anen
> > > > > pregnancy I
> > > > > > > can't see myself putting up with it long....yikes.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Anyhooooo, I look forward to hearing from you all.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Big hugs
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Lea xxxxxx
> > > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo!7 Groups Links
>
>
>
>
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now http://au.docs.yahoo.com/homepageset/?p1=other&p2=au&p3=tagline
>

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Hi Vanessa,

My heart just breaks for you reading about everything that you are
going through.  I'd love to tell you that it gets better but it seems
to me that there a down days, extremely down days, happy days and
occasionaly very happy ones.  For me, it seems to come around in
waves.

My father hung himself when I was 13 years old. I can tell you that I
have greived more for my daughter who I only met lifeless than he who
brought me up.  It is so much more intense for me to have lost my
child.

I found it hard to confide to my partner how I was feeling as I
wanted to be strong for both of us.  My friends automatically become
awkward if Isabell is even mentioned.  Mattys mother starts to cry at
the mere mention of her name which makes it harder for me and I don't
feel ready to open up to my mother.  This makes talking about Isabell
openly almost impossible.  No one actually knows how I feel.

That is why I come here as there is no one that I can speak to.  I
want to talk to people who have gone through the same thing we have
been through.  I have found coming here has helped a little but the
emotional battle is mine to fight and I guess I will get there
someday.  I think this is the same for all of us.

Alright, enough of my ramblings again
Take care to you all
Jenny

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Thanks Lea - I know. I'm just a bit irrational at the moment.
> Maybe it helps to write about how I'm feeling. Here goes...
>
> How I'm feeling (2/12/08)
>
> Still fighting back anger. Had an urgent appointment with my GP
> yesterday, but after 3 phone calls and messages, still haven't
heard
> back from the psychologist.
> Missing having friends to talk to. One friend on holidays for 2
> weeks, just when another friend tells us they are moving away in a
> month. This friend promised us a call on the weekend but failed
> AGAIN. Am so angry with her for who knows what…having a perfect
life
> I think! Her daughter is the baby who is 10 days younger than
Matthew
> would have been. She blames everything on sleep deprivation and
still
> doesn't get depressed. I feel like a failure and refuse to tell her
> how I am, because I feel such a direct "postpartum" comparison to
> her, without the baby part to complicate my life.
> Friend at work having a baby shower tonight. Have decided not to
go.
> It's a work one, so I think because I am on sick leave from work, I
> can get away with skipping it. But it's had to be a conscious
> decision that it would probably be unhelpful with how I'm feeling
at
> the moment. I don't want to cause a scene. But, she is also having
> a "friends" one on Sunday (no presents, just lunch thankfully).
Plan
> to go to that, but have no idea how it will make me feel.
> Was doing so well a few weeks ago, why now? I'd gladly go back to
the
> day of Matthew's funeral. That was a good day. Visiting his grave
> every week and getting together new flowers is all I can do for him
> now. I don't think anyone else understands the depth of what that
> means.
> If I had to go back to work this week, I wouldn't be going back.
But
> only 7 weeks to go before I should be back into it. I DON'T CARE
> ABOUT WORK.
>
> Last week's thoughts were so much nicer. Here they are so you don't
> have to finish on today's rant.
>
>
> 26/11/08
>
> Lots of people have been asking me lately how I am doing. It is a
> very hard question to answer so I'm going to attempt to write
> something coherent to pass on to those who have asked.
> I've had a tough couple of days. I'm very tired and haven't been
> sleeping well the last few nights. Today Anabelle is sick, so I was
> unable to take her to daycare. Thankfully she is sleeping well
(right
> now) and I also had a 2 hour sleep. The last few days I'm feeling
> confused, anxious, scatterbrained and tired. Through re-watching
some
> of our videos of Matthew's life and funeral, I realised last week
how
> enormous a "thing" I have been through. I tend to feel like I
SHOULD
> be able to get up and get on with normal life – after all, I'm
quite
> a capable person surely. I am learning (slowly) about how big grief
> is. How many sadnesses there are associated with Matthew's short
life
> and how many things I still have to come to terms with.
> If you are into praying, you could pray for time to reflect,
patience
> with others around me and their inability to understand, the
ability
> to cry, and perseverance to continue thinking about the "big
picture"
> of life.
> I miss Matthew. I miss being pregnant. I am sad that our journey
> together has come to an end and I cannot hold him again. I miss
being
> able to "do" things for him. I want to look after him. So, I direct
> my nurturing to providing fresh flowers for his grave each Monday.
> It's not much, but something…
> I feel like I can't move on with life yet. I feel frustration that
> everyone else's life seems to move on and mine is wanting to keep
> taking in the experience of Matthew.
> I want to remember Matthew and I want others to do so too. I like
it
> when people talk about him or ask how I'm doing (so thank you!),
> because it takes away some of the isolation of grief.
> I am thankful today for the ways that God has provided for me – in
> sending a friend here who I could talk to, sending someone with
some
> hand me down clothes for Anabelle, a good sleep and a card letting
me
> know that someone was thinking of me.
>
>
>
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> >
> > Vanessa, I urge you not to wait for someone to show up as being
> > around to speak here.
> >
> > You'll find that many of us are lurking about, lord knows that my
> > computer is never far away from me....and I am nearly always
> > contactable by phone.....holler!!!
> >
> > Please feel free to add me to yahoo messenger or msn messenger as
> > it's a great way to keep in touch.
> >
> > Would you like to talk about how you're feeling hon?
> >
> > --- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
> > <chrisandvanessamurphy@> wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > > Hi Everyone,
> > > Nice to hear from you again. It had been so quiet for such a
long
> > > time. I check the group several times a day hoping someone's
out
> > > there...
> > > The last week has been hard. I seem to be on the losing end of
> > > everything in life at the moment.
> > > Vanessa
> > >
> > > --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> > > wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hi
> > > >
> > > > We are doing well here. Nathaniel is growing and is soo cute.
> > Not
> > > > very settled during the day tho which makes things hard.
Bella
> > is
> > > > being a wonderful big sister and the last few days i have
> really
> > > > felt Mercy Grace not being here. We had santa photos and i
> > noticed
> > > > her missing.
> > > >
> > > > Thiings are obviously busy at the moment for us and there is
> not
> > > > much me time but that is one of the pleasures of being a mum.
> > > >
> > > > Liz, i have been thinking of you often and hope things get
> > better.
> > > >
> > > > Vanessa, I cant believe it is almost christmas ( your first
> > without
> > > > Matthew) I will be praying for you this year and hope you are
> > all
> > > > doing ok.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > --- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Hello all,
> > > > >
> > > > > Things have been pretty busy up my end.  Wild weather,
babies
> > > > being
> > > > > born.  All has kept me busy.  We were'nt hit by the storm
> very
> > > > badly
> > > > > at all but my heart goes out to all that were.  One of the
> > > > neighbours
> > > > > trees crashed over our fence and into our yard but our yard
> is
> > > > large
> > > > > and very bare so we were lucky it did'nt hit anything.
> > > > Treeloppers
> > > > > and insurance companies have been kept very busy so who
knows
> > > when
> > > > > the landlords will be able to get it removed.
> > > > >
> > > > > My good friend Lisa gave birth to her son Will just over 4
> > weeks
> > > > ago
> > > > > and she came to visit on Thursday, and I got to hold him
> > (first
> > > > baby
> > > > > I've held since Isabell).  Absolutely adorable.  My other
> good
> > > > friend
> > > > > Simone gave birth to her daughter Ella on Monday and we
went
> > to
> > > > see
> > > > > them today.  She is just gorgoeus.  Can't wait for my turn,
> > still
> > > > has
> > > > > not worked out but won't be giving up anytime soon.
> > > > >
> > > > > Liz, hope your blood pressure settles down.  Troy was born
2
> > > weeks
> > > > > early and the day of his birth I had actually gone to
Garden
> > City
> > > > > (very big shopping complex) to buy toys at Toys R Us.  As
we
> > had
> > > > > parked on the wrong side we had to walk from one side to
the
> > > other
> > > > > and back again (I had refused to be driven).  I'm positive
> > that
> > > is
> > > > > why I went into labour early!  Might work for you too if
your
> > > > blood
> > > > > pressure comes down.
> > > > >
> > > > > Lea,  I know hard it is to decide whether to go back to
work
> > or
> > > > not.
> > > > > I went back to work for one month when my maternity leave
had
> > > > ended
> > > > > with Troy.  Once away from Troy, I realised I could'nt be
> away
> > > > from
> > > > > him for hours on end every day.  I love being a vet nurse
but
> > I
> > > > love
> > > > > Troy way more.  We do have to live on only one wage but its
a
> > > > > sacrifice we were both willing to make.  I guess once you
go
> > back
> > > > to
> > > > > work, you'll know whether you want to stay or not.
> > > > >
> > > > > Anyways, better stop before this turns into a novel.  Hope
> > > > everyone
> > > > > is keeping well.
> > > > > Jenny
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hello there my dear friends
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Just thought I'd check in on how you're all
doing...you've
> > all
> > > > been
> > > > > > very quiet.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > My life has been a bit hectic of late, no idea why or
what
> > > we've
> > > > > been
> > > > > > up to but it's just crazy.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Like Liz mentioned in her message, my children have all
> been
> > a
> > > > bit
> > > > > > feral too.  Lots of rain and that trapped feeling have
had
> > them
> > > > > > climbing the walls.  Arden is cutting teeth which is
making
> > him
> > > > > > bonkers and we're not getting much sleep....ahh it's all
> > good
> > > > fun.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I've been facing my return to work next month which,
thank
> > god,
> > > > I
> > > > > have
> > > > > > put off until Feb next year (after Arden's 1st
birthday).
> I
> > am
> > > > > really
> > > > > > having trouble considering leaving my kids to go back to
> > work,
> > > > but
> > > > > > worse than that, my office is one of those places where
> > people
> > > > just
> > > > > > drag you down and make you miserable.  I am really not
> > prepared
> > > > for
> > > > > > that emotionally and worry about how I'll react.  I love
my
> > > > work, I
> > > > > > really do, but being in a negative environment always got
> me
> > > > down,
> > > > > > with my bullsh!t-o-meter working overtime since my anen
> > > > pregnancy I
> > > > > > can't see myself putting up with it long....yikes.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Anyhooooo, I look forward to hearing from you all.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Big hugs
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Lea xxxxxx
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>

Thanks Lea - I know. I'm just a bit irrational at the moment.
Maybe it helps to write about how I'm feeling. Here goes...

How I'm feeling (2/12/08)

Still fighting back anger. Had an urgent appointment with my GP
yesterday, but after 3 phone calls and messages, still haven't heard
back from the psychologist.
Missing having friends to talk to. One friend on holidays for 2
weeks, just when another friend tells us they are moving away in a
month. This friend promised us a call on the weekend but failed
AGAIN. Am so angry with her for who knows what…having a perfect life
I think! Her daughter is the baby who is 10 days younger than Matthew
would have been. She blames everything on sleep deprivation and still
doesn't get depressed. I feel like a failure and refuse to tell her
how I am, because I feel such a direct "postpartum" comparison to
her, without the baby part to complicate my life.
Friend at work having a baby shower tonight. Have decided not to go.
It's a work one, so I think because I am on sick leave from work, I
can get away with skipping it. But it's had to be a conscious
decision that it would probably be unhelpful with how I'm feeling at
the moment. I don't want to cause a scene. But, she is also having
a "friends" one on Sunday (no presents, just lunch thankfully). Plan
to go to that, but have no idea how it will make me feel.
Was doing so well a few weeks ago, why now? I'd gladly go back to the
day of Matthew's funeral. That was a good day. Visiting his grave
every week and getting together new flowers is all I can do for him
now. I don't think anyone else understands the depth of what that
means.
If I had to go back to work this week, I wouldn't be going back. But
only 7 weeks to go before I should be back into it. I DON'T CARE
ABOUT WORK.

Last week's thoughts were so much nicer. Here they are so you don't
have to finish on today's rant.


26/11/08

Lots of people have been asking me lately how I am doing. It is a
very hard question to answer so I'm going to attempt to write
something coherent to pass on to those who have asked.
I've had a tough couple of days. I'm very tired and haven't been
sleeping well the last few nights. Today Anabelle is sick, so I was
unable to take her to daycare. Thankfully she is sleeping well (right
now) and I also had a 2 hour sleep. The last few days I'm feeling
confused, anxious, scatterbrained and tired. Through re-watching some
of our videos of Matthew's life and funeral, I realised last week how
enormous a "thing" I have been through. I tend to feel like I SHOULD
be able to get up and get on with normal life – after all, I'm quite
a capable person surely. I am learning (slowly) about how big grief
is. How many sadnesses there are associated with Matthew's short life
and how many things I still have to come to terms with.
If you are into praying, you could pray for time to reflect, patience
with others around me and their inability to understand, the ability
to cry, and perseverance to continue thinking about the "big picture"
of life.
I miss Matthew. I miss being pregnant. I am sad that our journey
together has come to an end and I cannot hold him again. I miss being
able to "do" things for him. I want to look after him. So, I direct
my nurturing to providing fresh flowers for his grave each Monday.
It's not much, but something…
I feel like I can't move on with life yet. I feel frustration that
everyone else's life seems to move on and mine is wanting to keep
taking in the experience of Matthew.
I want to remember Matthew and I want others to do so too. I like it
when people talk about him or ask how I'm doing (so thank you!),
because it takes away some of the isolation of grief.
I am thankful today for the ways that God has provided for me – in
sending a friend here who I could talk to, sending someone with some
hand me down clothes for Anabelle, a good sleep and a card letting me
know that someone was thinking of me.




--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Vanessa, I urge you not to wait for someone to show up as being
> around to speak here.
>
> You'll find that many of us are lurking about, lord knows that my
> computer is never far away from me....and I am nearly always
> contactable by phone.....holler!!!
>
> Please feel free to add me to yahoo messenger or msn messenger as
> it's a great way to keep in touch.
>
> Would you like to talk about how you're feeling hon?
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
> <chrisandvanessamurphy@> wrote:
> >
> >
> > Hi Everyone,
> > Nice to hear from you again. It had been so quiet for such a long
> > time. I check the group several times a day hoping someone's out
> > there...
> > The last week has been hard. I seem to be on the losing end of
> > everything in life at the moment.
> > Vanessa
> >
> > --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> > wrote:
> > >
> > > Hi
> > >
> > > We are doing well here. Nathaniel is growing and is soo cute.
> Not
> > > very settled during the day tho which makes things hard. Bella
> is
> > > being a wonderful big sister and the last few days i have
really
> > > felt Mercy Grace not being here. We had santa photos and i
> noticed
> > > her missing.
> > >
> > > Thiings are obviously busy at the moment for us and there is
not
> > > much me time but that is one of the pleasures of being a mum.
> > >
> > > Liz, i have been thinking of you often and hope things get
> better.
> > >
> > > Vanessa, I cant believe it is almost christmas ( your first
> without
> > > Matthew) I will be praying for you this year and hope you are
> all
> > > doing ok.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hello all,
> > > >
> > > > Things have been pretty busy up my end.  Wild weather, babies
> > > being
> > > > born.  All has kept me busy.  We were'nt hit by the storm
very
> > > badly
> > > > at all but my heart goes out to all that were.  One of the
> > > neighbours
> > > > trees crashed over our fence and into our yard but our yard
is
> > > large
> > > > and very bare so we were lucky it did'nt hit anything.
> > > Treeloppers
> > > > and insurance companies have been kept very busy so who knows
> > when
> > > > the landlords will be able to get it removed.
> > > >
> > > > My good friend Lisa gave birth to her son Will just over 4
> weeks
> > > ago
> > > > and she came to visit on Thursday, and I got to hold him
> (first
> > > baby
> > > > I've held since Isabell).  Absolutely adorable.  My other
good
> > > friend
> > > > Simone gave birth to her daughter Ella on Monday and we went
> to
> > > see
> > > > them today.  She is just gorgoeus.  Can't wait for my turn,
> still
> > > has
> > > > not worked out but won't be giving up anytime soon.
> > > >
> > > > Liz, hope your blood pressure settles down.  Troy was born 2
> > weeks
> > > > early and the day of his birth I had actually gone to Garden
> City
> > > > (very big shopping complex) to buy toys at Toys R Us.  As we
> had
> > > > parked on the wrong side we had to walk from one side to the
> > other
> > > > and back again (I had refused to be driven).  I'm positive
> that
> > is
> > > > why I went into labour early!  Might work for you too if your
> > > blood
> > > > pressure comes down.
> > > >
> > > > Lea,  I know hard it is to decide whether to go back to work
> or
> > > not.
> > > > I went back to work for one month when my maternity leave had
> > > ended
> > > > with Troy.  Once away from Troy, I realised I could'nt be
away
> > > from
> > > > him for hours on end every day.  I love being a vet nurse but
> I
> > > love
> > > > Troy way more.  We do have to live on only one wage but its a
> > > > sacrifice we were both willing to make.  I guess once you go
> back
> > > to
> > > > work, you'll know whether you want to stay or not.
> > > >
> > > > Anyways, better stop before this turns into a novel.  Hope
> > > everyone
> > > > is keeping well.
> > > > Jenny
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Hello there my dear friends
> > > > >
> > > > > Just thought I'd check in on how you're all doing...you've
> all
> > > been
> > > > > very quiet.
> > > > >
> > > > > My life has been a bit hectic of late, no idea why or what
> > we've
> > > > been
> > > > > up to but it's just crazy.
> > > > >
> > > > > Like Liz mentioned in her message, my children have all
been
> a
> > > bit
> > > > > feral too.  Lots of rain and that trapped feeling have had
> them
> > > > > climbing the walls.  Arden is cutting teeth which is making
> him
> > > > > bonkers and we're not getting much sleep....ahh it's all
> good
> > > fun.
> > > > >
> > > > > I've been facing my return to work next month which, thank
> god,
> > > I
> > > > have
> > > > > put off until Feb next year (after Arden's 1st birthday).
I
> am
> > > > really
> > > > > having trouble considering leaving my kids to go back to
> work,
> > > but
> > > > > worse than that, my office is one of those places where
> people
> > > just
> > > > > drag you down and make you miserable.  I am really not
> prepared
> > > for
> > > > > that emotionally and worry about how I'll react.  I love my
> > > work, I
> > > > > really do, but being in a negative environment always got
me
> > > down,
> > > > > with my bullsh!t-o-meter working overtime since my anen
> > > pregnancy I
> > > > > can't see myself putting up with it long....yikes.
> > > > >
> > > > > Anyhooooo, I look forward to hearing from you all.
> > > > >
> > > > > Big hugs
> > > > >
> > > > > Lea xxxxxx
> > > > >
> > > >
> > >
> >
>

Hi there everyone

I just thought I'd share my 'just because' visit to Ben today with
you all.

Nara and I went up the coast early and called in out of the
blue 'just because' to say hi to Ben.  No special occasion, no
special date, just one of those days when we took the turn off and
said hi.

It was lovely that it was only us girls, we didn't get to stay long
but we had a nice talk about Ben and Nara told him some stories
about her week.

We had our first talk about why Ben went to heaven today, I told her
that Ben was sick and couldn't stay with us, she said "awww poor
Ben".  She's quite certain that they were in heaven together when
they were born, I wonder if perhaps for just a moment Nara went with
him too when she was struggling just after birth and he sent her
back?


Anyway, that's my ramblings for today.

Hugs to one and all

It was great to hear from you both, and to know you're around and
checking in on us.....life gets busy but our angel babies are always
in our thoughts, so it's good to know we have each other to share our
thoughts and memories of them with, thanks for sticking with us even
when things are a bit quiet on the board.

Hugs from Lea

Hi Renee, I am wondering how you are doing?

Lea

--- In as_ap@..., "renee_lowe83" <renee_lowe83@...>
wrote:
>
> Im not sure what to say, My name is Renee and on this coming Monday
it
> will be 5 months since I had to say goodbye to my Gabriel David. I
was
> 12 weeks when I had the scan that changed everything and just under
2
> weeks later i was induced and delivered my baby.They couldnt tell
the
> sex but I felt i was having a boy.
>

Vanessa, I urge you not to wait for someone to show up as being
around to speak here.

You'll find that many of us are lurking about, lord knows that my
computer is never far away from me....and I am nearly always
contactable by phone.....holler!!!

Please feel free to add me to yahoo messenger or msn messenger as
it's a great way to keep in touch.

Would you like to talk about how you're feeling hon?

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
>
> Hi Everyone,
> Nice to hear from you again. It had been so quiet for such a long
> time. I check the group several times a day hoping someone's out
> there...
> The last week has been hard. I seem to be on the losing end of
> everything in life at the moment.
> Vanessa
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@>
> wrote:
> >
> > Hi
> >
> > We are doing well here. Nathaniel is growing and is soo cute.
Not
> > very settled during the day tho which makes things hard. Bella
is
> > being a wonderful big sister and the last few days i have really
> > felt Mercy Grace not being here. We had santa photos and i
noticed
> > her missing.
> >
> > Thiings are obviously busy at the moment for us and there is not
> > much me time but that is one of the pleasures of being a mum.
> >
> > Liz, i have been thinking of you often and hope things get
better.
> >
> > Vanessa, I cant believe it is almost christmas ( your first
without
> > Matthew) I will be praying for you this year and hope you are
all
> > doing ok.
> >
> >
> >
> > --- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hello all,
> > >
> > > Things have been pretty busy up my end.  Wild weather, babies
> > being
> > > born.  All has kept me busy.  We were'nt hit by the storm very
> > badly
> > > at all but my heart goes out to all that were.  One of the
> > neighbours
> > > trees crashed over our fence and into our yard but our yard is
> > large
> > > and very bare so we were lucky it did'nt hit anything.
> > Treeloppers
> > > and insurance companies have been kept very busy so who knows
> when
> > > the landlords will be able to get it removed.
> > >
> > > My good friend Lisa gave birth to her son Will just over 4
weeks
> > ago
> > > and she came to visit on Thursday, and I got to hold him
(first
> > baby
> > > I've held since Isabell).  Absolutely adorable.  My other good
> > friend
> > > Simone gave birth to her daughter Ella on Monday and we went
to
> > see
> > > them today.  She is just gorgoeus.  Can't wait for my turn,
still
> > has
> > > not worked out but won't be giving up anytime soon.
> > >
> > > Liz, hope your blood pressure settles down.  Troy was born 2
> weeks
> > > early and the day of his birth I had actually gone to Garden
City
> > > (very big shopping complex) to buy toys at Toys R Us.  As we
had
> > > parked on the wrong side we had to walk from one side to the
> other
> > > and back again (I had refused to be driven).  I'm positive
that
> is
> > > why I went into labour early!  Might work for you too if your
> > blood
> > > pressure comes down.
> > >
> > > Lea,  I know hard it is to decide whether to go back to work
or
> > not.
> > > I went back to work for one month when my maternity leave had
> > ended
> > > with Troy.  Once away from Troy, I realised I could'nt be away
> > from
> > > him for hours on end every day.  I love being a vet nurse but
I
> > love
> > > Troy way more.  We do have to live on only one wage but its a
> > > sacrifice we were both willing to make.  I guess once you go
back
> > to
> > > work, you'll know whether you want to stay or not.
> > >
> > > Anyways, better stop before this turns into a novel.  Hope
> > everyone
> > > is keeping well.
> > > Jenny
> > >
> > >
> > > --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Hello there my dear friends
> > > >
> > > > Just thought I'd check in on how you're all doing...you've
all
> > been
> > > > very quiet.
> > > >
> > > > My life has been a bit hectic of late, no idea why or what
> we've
> > > been
> > > > up to but it's just crazy.
> > > >
> > > > Like Liz mentioned in her message, my children have all been
a
> > bit
> > > > feral too.  Lots of rain and that trapped feeling have had
them
> > > > climbing the walls.  Arden is cutting teeth which is making
him
> > > > bonkers and we're not getting much sleep....ahh it's all
good
> > fun.
> > > >
> > > > I've been facing my return to work next month which, thank
god,
> > I
> > > have
> > > > put off until Feb next year (after Arden's 1st birthday).  I
am
> > > really
> > > > having trouble considering leaving my kids to go back to
work,
> > but
> > > > worse than that, my office is one of those places where
people
> > just
> > > > drag you down and make you miserable.  I am really not
prepared
> > for
> > > > that emotionally and worry about how I'll react.  I love my
> > work, I
> > > > really do, but being in a negative environment always got me
> > down,
> > > > with my bullsh!t-o-meter working overtime since my anen
> > pregnancy I
> > > > can't see myself putting up with it long....yikes.
> > > >
> > > > Anyhooooo, I look forward to hearing from you all.
> > > >
> > > > Big hugs
> > > >
> > > > Lea xxxxxx
> > > >
> > >
> >
>