Hey Vanessa..

Sorry i havent been in contact. I would love to catch up...Things have not been
great with me and i have been in hospital... Prayers would go a long way right
now.

Pettina


--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy" <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi Pettina,
> Haven't heard from you in a while..hope you're OK. Has John had enough work
lately?
> Would love to get together again, but things have been HECTIC! I'm hoping the
world slows down and lets me off very soon, before I explode!
> Yes, life has been tough lately, but we'll survive.
> Thinking of you and the other girls in the group too,
> Love Vanessa
>

Hello,

Hope all of you are doing well.  Just thought I'd let you all know that my 12
week ultrasound is this friday and I am very, very scared.

Things have been different with this pregnancy from my pregnancy with Isabell.  
With Isabell we did'nt buy anything even though we did'nt know anything was
wrong with her.  This time I've already gone out and bought the baby things
(this might be just my inner self trying to make sure that this baby will be
fine).  We always get our ultrasounds done at the same place and with Isabell
they never gave us a photo of the ultrasound on either the 10 week or the 19
week one when we found out.  When I went for the 8 week ultrasound a few weeks
ago they automatically gave us a photo of the baby.

I really do think that I am just trying convince myself that everything is going
to be okay but I still feel so nervous.  I don't think I could go through it all
over again.  Even if the baby does'nt have anenecephaly I'm still worried that
something else could be wrong.  I feel helpless because it is all out of my
hands and all I can do is wait.  Its making me feel sick in the stomach.  I
don't want to think the worst because I don't want to be so negative but I just
can't help it.  Matty is convinced that everything is going to be fine and I
hope he is right.

Anyways
Take care of yourselves
Jenny

Hi Pettina,
Haven't heard from you in a while..hope you're OK. Has John had enough work
lately?
Would love to get together again, but things have been HECTIC! I'm hoping the
world slows down and lets me off very soon, before I explode!
Yes, life has been tough lately, but we'll survive.
Thinking of you and the other girls in the group too,
Love Vanessa

Hi everyone,
As has become my custom, I like to write about Matthew and about my thoughts
whenever I reach a "milestone" Matthew moment. It helps me to process what's
happening, and stop to take time to focus on my grief. This was written
yesterday, but with it being a fairly hard day, I didn't get to post it here
till this morning. I hope you all don't mind me sharing my thoughts.
Love Vanessa



15/3/2009

As I awoke this morning to the half year of Matthew, I was overwhelmed, as I
have been a lot in the last few months, with the deep sadness of losing my son.
The sadness of missed memories and real milestones that are never to be reached.
6 months is probably not much of a big deal to other mothers; in fact, I could
not find a photo of my own daughter Anabelle that was taken on the day she was 6
months, but there were plenty of memories which surrounded that time. Making a
mess eating solids for the first time, rolling over and back again, playing
peek-a-boo and sitting up. Things I'll never see Matthew do.

Yesterday, with the help of my Dad, Chris finished building the "Dubbie Cubby"
(we nickname all our kids Dubbie in utero). Bought with part of the proceeds of
Matthew's money (otherwise known as the baby bonus), this is Matthew's gift to
his siblings (present and future) to enjoy. When I first found out I was
pregnant with Matthew, I got the idea to use this money to build a cubby house,
picturing Anabelle and her brother playing together happily, as I had done with
my brother. Anabelle does not yet know or understand what she is missing in not
having her brother here, but I know, and that adds to my sadness.

This morning as we read the bible in bed, Anabelle chose the story of Lazarus in
her Big Picture Story Bible. Mary and Martha had a brother called Lazarus who
died. "You had a brother who died too – Matthew", Chris said. When Jesus came,
Mary and Martha were crying and Jesus cried with them. I could imagine as we
read, Jesus alongside us, crying for Matthew also. The people in the crowd knew
what Jesus was capable of and said "Why couldn't he who healed the blind man
prevent Lazarus from dying?" I echoed their words: "Oh Lord, why did you not
stop Matthew from dying?" In my world of human emotions, 6 months on, this is
how I felt too. I wanted our powerful God to do that for us; to have prevented
our pain and crying, to not let our baby die in the first place. In the story,
Jesus had been sent for when Lazarus was still sick, as his sisters knew Jesus
had the power to heal him. Yet, in typical Jesus style, he had waited until
Lazarus had died before coming to his friends for a reason. He was going to
demonstrate his (and therefore God's) power over death. After being in the tomb
4 days, Jesus called Lazarus out, and out he walked. Although Matthew was not
miraculously healed, and although Jesus has not opened Matthew's grave and
called him back out to us, God has done something far more spectacular in
Matthew where he is in heaven. This promise is described in the bible in Isaiah
35, and for a baby like Matthew who could neither hear nor speak nor see nor
walk, the transformation he has experienced in his heavenly body is truly a
spectacular miracle.

"Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water
will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert….Those the Lord
rescued will return…Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing
will flee away". (excerpts from Is 35: 5-10).

It is a privilege to teach Anabelle about Jesus, and again I am sad about not
having the opportunity to teach Matthew and read him the bible. Yet, Matthew
knows it all (and far more than we know) already. He is in the very presence of
God, seeing with his new eyes, things that we hold on to in faith.

I have been encouraged by music much over the past months, and at the moment one
of my favourite albums is "Lifesong" by a Christian band called Casting Crowns.
There are several songs on this album which address grief in some way and the
songwriters have such a unique way of putting my feelings into such poetic
words. Here are some words from part of the song "Praise you in this storm".

"I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm"

That pretty much sums up how I feel today. I am crying, and I feel God both
holding my tears and crying with me. And through my tears I just manage to say
"I praise you Lord, use this storm of my life for your glory".

Hi Natalie,
Thanks for posting about where you're up to. I hope that you were able to have a
useful discussion with the paediatrician about Alex. We live in Maitland, NSW
and found the medical staff there and in Newcastle to be very helpful in
answering all our many questions. I had Matthew 6 months ago, he was 40 weeks +
4 and he lived for 1 hour after birth.
I wish you all the best for these next tough weeks ahead. You and your family
are in my thoughts and prayers,
Love Vanessa


--- In as_ap@..., "nmurdoch2009" <clanmurdoch@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Lea & Everyone,
>
> I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with Alex.
> I now have polyhydramnios it's getting worse but we saw our doctor yesterday
and so far it's not extreme yet.  The bad news is that the 'poly' is now
affecting Alex and he has enlarged kidneys.
> I was planning on making 35/36 weeks then I have to have
> a c-section. But with the poly I might night not get that far.  But now with
it affecting Alex, I don't want him in pain or discomfort just so I can make a
few more weeks.  I'm going to talk to a paediatrician today and see what he
says.  Whenever Alex comes I have to have a c-section.  We have most things
organised, clothes, funeral etc. I didn't want to have to cope with organising
things later.  We have recorded Alex's heartbeat in a couple of teddy's and next
time we visit our midwife we will record it on a scrapbooking recorder.  Well
that's were I'm at, trying to cope with it all, and look after my other two
kids.  They are a bit young to understand what's happening.
>
> Thanks for asking how I'm going.
>
> Natalie
> mummy to Alex 27 weeks, Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> >
> > Natalie, how are you doing hon?  I noticed you haven't been posting and hope
that all is going well with you, please let us know how you're doing if you are
up to it.
> >
> > Sending lots of hugs
> >
> > Lea
> >
>

Hi Lea & Everyone,

I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with Alex.
I now have polyhydramnios it's getting worse but we saw our doctor yesterday and
so far it's not extreme yet.  The bad news is that the 'poly' is now affecting
Alex and he has enlarged kidneys.
I was planning on making 35/36 weeks then I have to have
a c-section. But with the poly I might night not get that far.  But now with it
affecting Alex, I don't want him in pain or discomfort just so I can make a few
more weeks.  I'm going to talk to a paediatrician today and see what he says. 
Whenever Alex comes I have to have a c-section.  We have most things organised,
clothes, funeral etc. I didn't want to have to cope with organising things
later.  We have recorded Alex's heartbeat in a couple of teddy's and next time
we visit our midwife we will record it on a scrapbooking recorder.  Well that's
were I'm at, trying to cope with it all, and look after my other two kids.  They
are a bit young to understand what's happening.

Thanks for asking how I'm going.

Natalie
mummy to Alex 27 weeks, Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2

--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Natalie, how are you doing hon?  I noticed you haven't been posting and hope
that all is going well with you, please let us know how you're doing if you are
up to it.
>
> Sending lots of hugs
>
> Lea
>

Vanessa, everytime I read a post from you I am moved to tears.  Each post says a
little something (or more) that reminds me of my own feelings about our
Ben.....I want to thank you for helping me get in touch with my own feelings
through sharing yours.

I hope that this difficult day was gentle on you, I'm sending you lots of love.

Lea

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy" <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
wrote:
>
> Tomorrow it is 12 months since we found out that Matthew had
> anencephaly. It feels like today is the anniversary, because today it
> is Monday, and the scan was a Monday last year, and it was late in
> the day when we had the scan and went to the doctor to talk things
> over. On Mondays we go to Matthew's grave usually, because he was
> also born and died on a Monday, and today (and often lately) I was
> crying before we even got there. My life was changed that day. In a
> similar way that I can't "remember" much about what life felt like
> prior to being married (I've been married 10 years, since I was 21),
> I can't remember what it was like "pre-Matthew" - the innocence we
> must have had, the worries which were so inconsequential in
> comparison to losing your baby. I have been grieving for my son for a
> year. In 2 weeks we'll be remembering 6 months since he died. 6
> months of grief before he even came, and 6 months afterwards. It's
> surreal.
> I plan to go to my Mum's garden in the morning and pick some nice
> flowers (any flowers will do, as my garden isn't producing anything
> much at the moment!) and take them back to the grave. For the 6
> months date, I have ordered a heap of thank you cards with Matthew's
> photo on them to send out. After Matthew died, there were so many
> people who helped us in many ways. I've always been big on thank you
> notes, but Chris convinced me at the time not to worry about them.
> I'm glad I didn't. At the time I only wrote to thank those who came
> to visit Matthew and I included the photo that was taken of them with
> Matthew for them to keep. But now, I really feel the need to thank
> the many other people whose kindness to us is not forgotten, just as
> Matthew is not forgotten, even after 6 months and now being into
> another pregnancy. I felt it would be an appropriate way to
> acknowledge Matthew, as well as give me the chance to say thank you.
> I still find the thought of that day 12 months ago quite shocking,
> and so so sad. I miss my boy, I miss the fact that we didn't get more
> time to know each other but am so glad for the brief time I had.
> Well I think that's enough from me for tonight, I just needed to
> express & acknowledge those thoughts.
> Vanessa
>

Vanessa, everytime I read a post from you I am moved to tears.  Each post says a
little something (or more) that reminds me of my own feelings about our
Ben.....I want to thank you for helping me get in touch with my own feelings
through sharing yours.

I hope that this difficult day was gentle on you, I'm sending you lots of love.

Lea

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy" <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
wrote:
>
> Tomorrow it is 12 months since we found out that Matthew had
> anencephaly. It feels like today is the anniversary, because today it
> is Monday, and the scan was a Monday last year, and it was late in
> the day when we had the scan and went to the doctor to talk things
> over. On Mondays we go to Matthew's grave usually, because he was
> also born and died on a Monday, and today (and often lately) I was
> crying before we even got there. My life was changed that day. In a
> similar way that I can't "remember" much about what life felt like
> prior to being married (I've been married 10 years, since I was 21),
> I can't remember what it was like "pre-Matthew" - the innocence we
> must have had, the worries which were so inconsequential in
> comparison to losing your baby. I have been grieving for my son for a
> year. In 2 weeks we'll be remembering 6 months since he died. 6
> months of grief before he even came, and 6 months afterwards. It's
> surreal.
> I plan to go to my Mum's garden in the morning and pick some nice
> flowers (any flowers will do, as my garden isn't producing anything
> much at the moment!) and take them back to the grave. For the 6
> months date, I have ordered a heap of thank you cards with Matthew's
> photo on them to send out. After Matthew died, there were so many
> people who helped us in many ways. I've always been big on thank you
> notes, but Chris convinced me at the time not to worry about them.
> I'm glad I didn't. At the time I only wrote to thank those who came
> to visit Matthew and I included the photo that was taken of them with
> Matthew for them to keep. But now, I really feel the need to thank
> the many other people whose kindness to us is not forgotten, just as
> Matthew is not forgotten, even after 6 months and now being into
> another pregnancy. I felt it would be an appropriate way to
> acknowledge Matthew, as well as give me the chance to say thank you.
> I still find the thought of that day 12 months ago quite shocking,
> and so so sad. I miss my boy, I miss the fact that we didn't get more
> time to know each other but am so glad for the brief time I had.
> Well I think that's enough from me for tonight, I just needed to
> express & acknowledge those thoughts.
> Vanessa
>

Jenny congratulations on your pregnancy, this is wonderful news!  It's really
nice to see you pop up with such an exciting update.  I'm so glad you took the
chance to pop back in here despite it being a little hard, we all go through
times when it gets a bit tough to even seek out support, but never forget that
we are here and we do care how you feel.

Oh, and Leigh is doing ok, she's been on and off high alert for ages, packed up
and leaving and coming back when they can, it's been very tiring for them on
lots of levels.  I'll let her know you asked after her if she doesn't pop in
herself.

Mwah, Lea

--- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@...> wrote:
>
> Just thought I'd pop in and say hello to you all.  Congratulations
> Vanessa on the pregnancy, hope everything goes well throughout this
> pregnancy.  Liz, your kids are gorgeous Riley is just so adorable.
>
> How is Leigh? Has she been able to return home, has anyone heard?
>
> I have been really busy lately which is why I have not been around.
> Also found it hard to come back in here since Isabells birthday but
> thought I should.  Not sure why I did'nt want to.
>
> I also would like to let you all know that I am 8weeks and 5 days
> pregnant as of today.  I had my first scan today and all is okay so far
> (even though they can't tell for another 3-4 weeks). The baby is 2.5cm
> long and had a good heartbeat.
>
> Anyway, take care all
> Jenny
>

Natalie, how are you doing hon?  I noticed you haven't been posting and hope
that all is going well with you, please let us know how you're doing if you are
up to it.

Sending lots of hugs

Lea

Jenny
it is great to hear from you. Congratulations on the pregnancy.
I think most of us have had times when it has been easy to come on
the group and others when you need space to breath.

Please keep letting us know how things are going
In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Congratulations Jenny, wonderful news. Glad to hear about your
first
> scan. I found it such a relief, even though, as you say, they
can't
> tell much at that stage. Just seeing a baby with a heartbeat kept
me
> going until the 12 week scan.
> Look forward to hearing how things go for you over the next little
> while. My prayers are with you and your family,
> Love Vanessa
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@> wrote:
> >
> > Just thought I'd pop in and say hello to you all.
Congratulations
> > Vanessa on the pregnancy, hope everything goes well throughout
this
> > pregnancy.  Liz, your kids are gorgeous Riley is just so
adorable.
> >
> > How is Leigh? Has she been able to return home, has anyone heard?
> >
> > I have been really busy lately which is why I have not been
> around.
> > Also found it hard to come back in here since Isabells birthday
but
> > thought I should.  Not sure why I did'nt want to.
> >
> > I also would like to let you all know that I am 8weeks and 5
days
> > pregnant as of today.  I had my first scan today and all is okay
so
> far
> > (even though they can't tell for another 3-4 weeks). The baby is
> 2.5cm
> > long and had a good heartbeat.
> >
> > Anyway, take care all
> > Jenny
> >
>

Congratulations Jenny, wonderful news. Glad to hear about your first
scan. I found it such a relief, even though, as you say, they can't
tell much at that stage. Just seeing a baby with a heartbeat kept me
going until the 12 week scan.
Look forward to hearing how things go for you over the next little
while. My prayers are with you and your family,
Love Vanessa

--- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@...> wrote:
>
> Just thought I'd pop in and say hello to you all.  Congratulations
> Vanessa on the pregnancy, hope everything goes well throughout this
> pregnancy.  Liz, your kids are gorgeous Riley is just so adorable.
>
> How is Leigh? Has she been able to return home, has anyone heard?
>
> I have been really busy lately which is why I have not been
around.
> Also found it hard to come back in here since Isabells birthday but
> thought I should.  Not sure why I did'nt want to.
>
> I also would like to let you all know that I am 8weeks and 5 days
> pregnant as of today.  I had my first scan today and all is okay so
far
> (even though they can't tell for another 3-4 weeks). The baby is
2.5cm
> long and had a good heartbeat.
>
> Anyway, take care all
> Jenny
>

Just thought I'd pop in and say hello to you all.  Congratulations
Vanessa on the pregnancy, hope everything goes well throughout this
pregnancy.  Liz, your kids are gorgeous Riley is just so adorable.

How is Leigh? Has she been able to return home, has anyone heard?

I have been really busy lately which is why I have not been around.
Also found it hard to come back in here since Isabells birthday but
thought I should.  Not sure why I did'nt want to.

I also would like to let you all know that I am 8weeks and 5 days
pregnant as of today.  I had my first scan today and all is okay so far
(even though they can't tell for another 3-4 weeks). The baby is 2.5cm
long and had a good heartbeat.

Anyway, take care all
Jenny

Vanessa

Its great to see you expressing yourself soo well. The milestones of
our babies lives will forever bring up emotions i believe.
Thinking of you and praying you are doing alright. Feel free to call
if you wanna have a chat.
How is the sickness going??
How have you coped today???


--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Tomorrow it is 12 months since we found out that Matthew had
> anencephaly. It feels like today is the anniversary, because today
it
> is Monday, and the scan was a Monday last year, and it was late in
> the day when we had the scan and went to the doctor to talk things
> over. On Mondays we go to Matthew's grave usually, because he was
> also born and died on a Monday, and today (and often lately) I was
> crying before we even got there. My life was changed that day. In
a
> similar way that I can't "remember" much about what life felt like
> prior to being married (I've been married 10 years, since I was
21),
> I can't remember what it was like "pre-Matthew" - the innocence we
> must have had, the worries which were so inconsequential in
> comparison to losing your baby. I have been grieving for my son
for a
> year. In 2 weeks we'll be remembering 6 months since he died. 6
> months of grief before he even came, and 6 months afterwards. It's
> surreal.
> I plan to go to my Mum's garden in the morning and pick some nice
> flowers (any flowers will do, as my garden isn't producing
anything
> much at the moment!) and take them back to the grave. For the 6
> months date, I have ordered a heap of thank you cards with
Matthew's
> photo on them to send out. After Matthew died, there were so many
> people who helped us in many ways. I've always been big on thank
you
> notes, but Chris convinced me at the time not to worry about them.
> I'm glad I didn't. At the time I only wrote to thank those who
came
> to visit Matthew and I included the photo that was taken of them
with
> Matthew for them to keep. But now, I really feel the need to thank
> the many other people whose kindness to us is not forgotten, just
as
> Matthew is not forgotten, even after 6 months and now being into
> another pregnancy. I felt it would be an appropriate way to
> acknowledge Matthew, as well as give me the chance to say thank
you.
> I still find the thought of that day 12 months ago quite shocking,
> and so so sad. I miss my boy, I miss the fact that we didn't get
more
> time to know each other but am so glad for the brief time I had.
> Well I think that's enough from me for tonight, I just needed to
> express & acknowledge those thoughts.
> Vanessa
>

Tomorrow it is 12 months since we found out that Matthew had
anencephaly. It feels like today is the anniversary, because today it
is Monday, and the scan was a Monday last year, and it was late in
the day when we had the scan and went to the doctor to talk things
over. On Mondays we go to Matthew's grave usually, because he was
also born and died on a Monday, and today (and often lately) I was
crying before we even got there. My life was changed that day. In a
similar way that I can't "remember" much about what life felt like
prior to being married (I've been married 10 years, since I was 21),
I can't remember what it was like "pre-Matthew" - the innocence we
must have had, the worries which were so inconsequential in
comparison to losing your baby. I have been grieving for my son for a
year. In 2 weeks we'll be remembering 6 months since he died. 6
months of grief before he even came, and 6 months afterwards. It's
surreal.
I plan to go to my Mum's garden in the morning and pick some nice
flowers (any flowers will do, as my garden isn't producing anything
much at the moment!) and take them back to the grave. For the 6
months date, I have ordered a heap of thank you cards with Matthew's
photo on them to send out. After Matthew died, there were so many
people who helped us in many ways. I've always been big on thank you
notes, but Chris convinced me at the time not to worry about them.
I'm glad I didn't. At the time I only wrote to thank those who came
to visit Matthew and I included the photo that was taken of them with
Matthew for them to keep. But now, I really feel the need to thank
the many other people whose kindness to us is not forgotten, just as
Matthew is not forgotten, even after 6 months and now being into
another pregnancy. I felt it would be an appropriate way to
acknowledge Matthew, as well as give me the chance to say thank you.
I still find the thought of that day 12 months ago quite shocking,
and so so sad. I miss my boy, I miss the fact that we didn't get more
time to know each other but am so glad for the brief time I had.
Well I think that's enough from me for tonight, I just needed to
express & acknowledge those thoughts.
Vanessa

Liz, They are SO cute!!

--- In as_ap@..., "Elizabeth" <epsmith@...> wrote:
>
> hi again, just letting you all know that i added some more pictures
of
> the kids for you's to check out if you want too. I can't believe that
i
> actually got it done tonight and it didn't take me another week or
so.
> I must be getting organised lol. chat soon
> liz xoxoxox
>

hi again, just letting you all know that i added some more pictures of
the kids for you's to check out if you want too. I can't believe that i
actually got it done tonight and it didn't take me another week or so.
I must be getting organised lol. chat soon
liz xoxoxox

Hey every one,

How are you all doing? Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS Vanessa on your new
little jellybean. I am so happy for you and so glad that your 12week
scan went well and bubba has a beautiful BIG head. Thats some thing
we all like to see after what we have all been through in the past.

Well, not alot has been happening my end. Riley is 2mths old
tomorrow, i can't believe it! Why does the pregnancy take forever but
time goes so fast when it comes to them growing up? I'm taking Riley
for his needles and check up tomorrow afternoon. He's a little fatty
so it'll be interesting to see how much he weighs now.

Matthew started kindy this year. For the first 3 days he cried when i
left (so did I) but now he's fine, he loves it. Infact he likes it so
much now that he cries on the days that he doesn't go and so do i
(just kidding lol). Taliah got really upset the first few times that
he went but now i think she's enjoying spending some time alone with
me and Riley.

I had better leave it there for now as i can hear him crying, typical
boy wants some boob!!! I'll try (but can't promise) to get on again
later tonight so i can post some new pictures of him.

Hope every ones doing well, take care

Love Liz xoxoxoxoxox

Thanks Pettina,
and for everyone else's benefit I hadn't had a chance to get back
online and say that the scan yesterday went really well. The
sonographer put the probe on me and the very first thing we saw was
the baby's head! I thought "I know what that is and that looks good!!"
I was so relieved, I cried big sobs for several seconds and had to
compose myself so she could go on. Part of the cry was tears for
Matthew and remembering what we'd been through last time we were there.
The spine looked good too, although it's hard to see things too well
at this stage.
I feel like such a huge weight has been lifted. I felt more normal
today (despite the morning sickness) than I have in a long time.
Love Vanessa

--- In as_ap@..., "pettinabeves" <pettinabeves@...> wrote:
>
> Hey Vanessa.
> I have been poppingin everyday but it has been extremely quiet here
> of late.
> I had a lovely time with you the other week and am hoping we can
> look at making it a monthly thing if you are happy with that as well.
>
> Im soo happy, elated and all those other things that everything is
> going ok and that the baby is looking full and healthy at this stage.
> It brings back all the memories from nathaniels scans.
>
> Anabelle is going to make a wondeful big sister.
>
> Ohh there arent enough words to express how awesome your news is.
>
> Talk soon
>
> Pettina
> xoxoxox
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
> <chrisandvanessamurphy@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi everyone,
> > Just popping in to say hi. Hope everyone is doing OK.
> > Anabelle and I had a lovely get together a few weeks ago with
> Pettina
> > and John and their gorgeous kids Bella and Nathaniel. Nathaniel is
> > very cute and cuddly, I must say. It was nice to be able to
> reflect
> > on Matthew's life and Mercy's life together again.
> > Lea, I had my camera out all morning and completely forgot to take
> a
> > pic for you again!! I'm sure there'll be a next time.
> > Tomorrow is my 12 week scan. I've been so busy the last few weeks
> > (perhaps that has been a good thing), that I've only started to
> > realise how enormous this is, just this afternoon. I've had a bit
> of
> > a cry before my sleep this arvo. I am finding the first trimester
> of
> > pregnancy harder than before. Don't know if it's always this hard,
> > and I've just forgotten, or if being a year old is contributing,
> or
> > just that having 2 pregnancies in a year is physically hard on top
> of
> > the emotional toughness as well.
> > Will let you all know how the scan goes tomorrow, but I'd
> appreciate
> > your thoughts and prayers,
> > Love Vanessa
> >
>

Hey Vanessa.
I have been poppingin everyday but it has been extremely quiet here
of late.
I had a lovely time with you the other week and am hoping we can
look at making it a monthly thing if you are happy with that as well.

Im soo happy, elated and all those other things that everything is
going ok and that the baby is looking full and healthy at this stage.
It brings back all the memories from nathaniels scans.

Anabelle is going to make a wondeful big sister.

Ohh there arent enough words to express how awesome your news is.

Talk soon

Pettina
xoxoxox

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Hi everyone,
> Just popping in to say hi. Hope everyone is doing OK.
> Anabelle and I had a lovely get together a few weeks ago with
Pettina
> and John and their gorgeous kids Bella and Nathaniel. Nathaniel is
> very cute and cuddly, I must say. It was nice to be able to
reflect
> on Matthew's life and Mercy's life together again.
> Lea, I had my camera out all morning and completely forgot to take
a
> pic for you again!! I'm sure there'll be a next time.
> Tomorrow is my 12 week scan. I've been so busy the last few weeks
> (perhaps that has been a good thing), that I've only started to
> realise how enormous this is, just this afternoon. I've had a bit
of
> a cry before my sleep this arvo. I am finding the first trimester
of
> pregnancy harder than before. Don't know if it's always this hard,
> and I've just forgotten, or if being a year old is contributing,
or
> just that having 2 pregnancies in a year is physically hard on top
of
> the emotional toughness as well.
> Will let you all know how the scan goes tomorrow, but I'd
appreciate
> your thoughts and prayers,
> Love Vanessa
>

Hi everyone,
Just popping in to say hi. Hope everyone is doing OK.
Anabelle and I had a lovely get together a few weeks ago with Pettina
and John and their gorgeous kids Bella and Nathaniel. Nathaniel is
very cute and cuddly, I must say. It was nice to be able to reflect
on Matthew's life and Mercy's life together again.
Lea, I had my camera out all morning and completely forgot to take a
pic for you again!! I'm sure there'll be a next time.
Tomorrow is my 12 week scan. I've been so busy the last few weeks
(perhaps that has been a good thing), that I've only started to
realise how enormous this is, just this afternoon. I've had a bit of
a cry before my sleep this arvo. I am finding the first trimester of
pregnancy harder than before. Don't know if it's always this hard,
and I've just forgotten, or if being a year old is contributing, or
just that having 2 pregnancies in a year is physically hard on top of
the emotional toughness as well.
Will let you all know how the scan goes tomorrow, but I'd appreciate
your thoughts and prayers,
Love Vanessa

Leigh
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers

--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Hi all, our beautiful Leigh is in the grip of bushfire hell down
in
> Victoria at the moment, I thought i'd pop in and ask you all to
keep
> her in your thoughts and prayers.
>
> They have fled their home a few times under evacuation, and are
> tonight in a motel in Melbourne, safe and sound......but they have
no
> idea how their property is fairing, they were apparently
surrounded by
> fires.
>
> Do we have anyone else here affected by this tragedy?  I hope and
pray
> you and yours are safe tonight.
>
> Lea xxxxxx
>

Hi all, our beautiful Leigh is in the grip of bushfire hell down in
Victoria at the moment, I thought i'd pop in and ask you all to keep
her in your thoughts and prayers.

They have fled their home a few times under evacuation, and are
tonight in a motel in Melbourne, safe and sound......but they have no
idea how their property is fairing, they were apparently surrounded by
fires.

Do we have anyone else here affected by this tragedy?  I hope and pray
you and yours are safe tonight.

Lea xxxxxx

Just a quick note to let everyone know all is good so far. Had my
scan this afternoon, and my due date was confirmed to be 9/9/09, so
I'm 9 weeks 1 day today just as I thought. The sonographer said the
baby looked "textbook" for this stage, but obviously can't rule
anything out at this point. But, that was enough for me...there was
that lovely 179 bpm heartbeat and the baby is 23 mm long! A little
peanut. It's nice to have a photo of our new bub on the fridge, right
next to our favourite Matthew ultrasound.
I had a little cry as we left. It's weird how you can be so happy
about the new baby, but sad at the same time, as the full extent of
your loss comes to the surface.
Anyway, I'll be seeing the obstetrician who saw me through Matthew's
pregnancy in a week's time and then I'll be set up for my other scans
with the specialists in Newcastle. And only 3 more weeks to wait for
the next one, which is good.
Thanks for the hugs Lea, and your thoughts on rainbow babies. I
appreciate your insight.
Love Vanessa


--- In as_ap@..., Lea Coleman <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Vanessa, this is beautiful news, I am so glad that you have found a
change in how you're feeling and that this pregnancy is a welcome
one at this time *hugs*. 
>
> Having a rainbow baby is an emotional ride from start to finish,
the deciding to fall pregnant again is often tough, for many getting
pregnant again is tough, and then the emotions hit along with the
hormones when you do fall.....ahhh it's not so long ago that
it happened for me so it's fresh as a daisy.
>
> I had my scan with Arden at about 6 weeks, I couldn't wait a moment
longer, I knew by then they could give me a strong indication on
how things looked, we saw a heartbeat, and a tiny wee head that
looked like it should and I was so relieved.  I had warned the
sonography place about my history and they were so kind to me,
understanding why I was in tears before we even started etc. 
>
> For me I had the added stress of wondering if it was going to be
twins again.  Did I want twins again, what if it was twins again,
what if it wasn't!!!!  And then they saw what they thought was a
second heartbeat and my heart was in my throat.....gave me an
internal scan and it was just an echo, the rest is history and we
have our beautiful rainbow baby Arden in our arms and a year old!
>
> I was full of fear the whole way through my pregnancy, I lost
the plot when the doctor sent me to the fetal medicine unit for the
morphology scan (just to be sure everything was 100%) and bawled my
eyes out.  Some of the tests that they did (blood etc) made them
check extra closely for chromosomal abnormalities, which had me
going off my tree too....but I kept being reminded that it was
age and history that pushed the numbers up.
>
> I had been under 35 with the twins and Sage so never had the extra
concern, now all of a sudden I was 35 and had a history of NTD
birth......just be prepared for that little scare.
>
> Every niggle was met with great concern by me, I visited the
hospital a few times thinking something was wrong, they were so
understanding and reassuring.  They understood my fear for the baby
I was carrying, and the hopes that we had riding on everything being
ok.  Bouncing back for the pregnancy early meant I was also
concerned about my previous C-section scar and the like too, so that
added to my nervousness.
>
> All in all though, my experience of having a rainbow baby was good
because I always found someone to talk to and get reassurance from
about my fears.....I can't encourage you enough to keep talking to us
about how you feel, good bad or indifferent.
>
> As for the closeness in dates, I can totally understand why you'd
be a bit anxious about that, I dearly hope that you do have
different birthdates for your beloved Matthew and his rainbow
sibling as I know how tough sharing a date can be having lost Ben on
his birthday and having to celebrate Nara's birthday that day
too...confusing stuff.
>
> Sending caring pats to that tummy of yours.  I will pray for good
news for you at your first scan, sending my love too.
>  
> Lea xxxxxx
> Mum to Sage, Nara, angel baby ~Ben~ and rainbow baby Arden
> Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-
fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: Vanessa Murphy <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Tuesday, 3 February, 2009 8:40:33 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] Some news and a question
>
> Hi everyone,
>
> It's been ages since I posted. It's just gone 20 weeks since
Matthew
> was born and died. It's amazing to me that that is half the time he
> was inside me. It's gone so quickly. The 3 month mark was
> particularly important for me, as it happened to also fall on a
> Monday. Since then we've had Christmas, the 4 months, and more
> Mondays. I miss him, and I feel like I "feel" his loss even more
now.
> Part of the reason for that may be that I am pregnant, and that
makes
> you emotional anyway, and I am pregnant, so I see now even more
> acutely just what I have lost in losing Matthew. It happens to be
> exactly one year between pregnancies. One year since I was feeling
> queasy and tired and wondering whether Matthew was a boy or girl.
One
> year since I was innocently looking forward to that 12 week scan
> which changed our lives. This baby (known as "D3" in our family â€"
we
> nicknamed Anabelle "Dubbie", so Matthew was "D2" before he was
> Matthew, so this is "D3") is due on 9/9/09 (Matthew was due
11/9/08).
> We found out on 5th January, the first Monday that I missed going
to
> Matthew's grave because we were holidaying in Coffs Harbour. We are
> excited and very thankful for the speed at which this has happened,
> but it will never take away from the loss of our boy, as I know you
> would all understand. For the first 2-3 months after Matthew's
death,
> I knew that I was not ready to have another baby, so we were
actively
> avoiding falling pregnant. At around the 12 week mark, something
> really changed in me. I had just been through the lowest of the all
> the lows I've had to date, and came out the other side feeling
really
> different â€" optimistic about life, feeling like I could go back
to
> work one day, I could have another baby one day, I could take
photos
> of my daughter and our family and that was OK. So Chris and I
decided
> just to stop avoiding pregnancy and see what happened. We didn't
> actively plan it (in fact I would NEVER have planned it for this
time
> of year and I still feel a bit nervous that this baby could be born
> on Matthew's birthday), but that made it so much better in my mind.
> It was in God's hands, and this was his timing.
> According to my calculations I'm 9 weeks tomorrow, but my cycles
had
> obviously hardly had a chance to become regular since Matthew's
> birth, so I'm off for a dating scan on Thursday at 4.30 pm. I've
not
> had a scan at this stage before (although I did have a 6 week one
> with Anabelle due to bleeding), so I'm not too sure what to expect,
> but still feel concerned that a. there might be something
drastically
> wrong, b. that the crown rump length might be way out thus raising
my
> suspicions about anencephaly, and c. that i'm just going to find it
> all too emotional! I cry just at the thought of going. Anyway, I
know
> that God is in control and that it is normal for this to feel very
> emotional. I am praying that I will be calm over the next 48 hours,
> that our little D3 would be safe and healthy, and that no matter
the
> outcome that the scan will be handled well by the sonographer. The
> midwife at the antenatal clinic was going to speak to the
sonographer
> in person prior to the scan to discuss my history and situation, so
> hopefully that will help.
> I would be interested to hear of anyone's experiences with early
> scans in their subsequent pregnancies and even how early
anencephaly
> could be ruled out (no-one has been clear on this with me yet).
> Thanks for your thoughts,
> Love Vanessa
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo!7 Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>       Make Yahoo!7 your homepage and win a trip to the Quiksilver
Pro. Find out more
>

Vanessa
Something in me thought that that might be the case and i am so
happy for you and looking forward to our meet soo much.
I understand your fear and apprehension but will be praying for you.

With Mercy Grace at 8.5 weeks they could not tell that she had
anencephaly but at 11.5 weeks they could. Sorry i know that doesnt
answer your question exactly.

Wow. I remember all those emotions and fear and am feeling them
again now as i think about them.

Will be thinking of you guys lots and lots this week.
Please let us know how everything goes.

Pettina xoxox

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy"
<chrisandvanessamurphy@...> wrote:
>
> Hi everyone,
>
> It's been ages since I posted. It's just gone 20 weeks since
Matthew
> was born and died. It's amazing to me that that is half the time
he
> was inside me. It's gone so quickly. The 3 month mark was
> particularly important for me, as it happened to also fall on a
> Monday. Since then we've had Christmas, the 4 months, and more
> Mondays. I miss him, and I feel like I "feel" his loss even more
now.
> Part of the reason for that may be that I am pregnant, and that
makes
> you emotional anyway, and I am pregnant, so I see now even more
> acutely just what I have lost in losing Matthew. It happens to be
> exactly one year between pregnancies. One year since I was feeling
> queasy and tired and wondering whether Matthew was a boy or girl.
One
> year since I was innocently looking forward to that 12 week scan
> which changed our lives. This baby (known as "D3" in our family –
we
> nicknamed Anabelle "Dubbie", so Matthew was "D2" before he was
> Matthew, so this is "D3") is due on 9/9/09 (Matthew was due
11/9/08).
> We found out on 5th January, the first Monday that I missed going
to
> Matthew's grave because we were holidaying in Coffs Harbour. We
are
> excited and very thankful for the speed at which this has
happened,
> but it will never take away from the loss of our boy, as I know
you
> would all understand. For the first 2-3 months after Matthew's
death,
> I knew that I was not ready to have another baby, so we were
actively
> avoiding falling pregnant. At around the 12 week mark, something
> really changed in me. I had just been through the lowest of the
all
> the lows I've had to date, and came out the other side feeling
really
> different – optimistic about life, feeling like I could go back to
> work one day, I could have another baby one day, I could take
photos
> of my daughter and our family and that was OK. So Chris and I
decided
> just to stop avoiding pregnancy and see what happened. We didn't
> actively plan it (in fact I would NEVER have planned it for this
time
> of year and I still feel a bit nervous that this baby could be
born
> on Matthew's birthday), but that made it so much better in my
mind.
> It was in God's hands, and this was his timing.
> According to my calculations I'm 9 weeks tomorrow, but my cycles
had
> obviously hardly had a chance to become regular since Matthew's
> birth, so I'm off for a dating scan on Thursday at 4.30 pm. I've
not
> had a scan at this stage before (although I did have a 6 week one
> with Anabelle due to bleeding), so I'm not too sure what to
expect,
> but still feel concerned that a. there might be something
drastically
> wrong, b. that the crown rump length might be way out thus raising
my
> suspicions about anencephaly, and c. that i'm just going to find
it
> all too emotional! I cry just at the thought of going. Anyway, I
know
> that God is in control and that it is normal for this to feel very
> emotional. I am praying that I will be calm over the next 48
hours,
> that our little D3 would be safe and healthy, and that no matter
the
> outcome that the scan will be handled well by the sonographer. The
> midwife at the antenatal clinic was going to speak to the
sonographer
> in person prior to the scan to discuss my history and situation,
so
> hopefully that will help.
> I would be interested to hear of anyone's experiences with early
> scans in their subsequent pregnancies and even how early
anencephaly
> could be ruled out (no-one has been clear on this with me yet).
> Thanks for your thoughts,
> Love Vanessa
>

Hi everyone,

It's been ages since I posted. It's just gone 20 weeks since Matthew
was born and died. It's amazing to me that that is half the time he
was inside me. It's gone so quickly. The 3 month mark was
particularly important for me, as it happened to also fall on a
Monday. Since then we've had Christmas, the 4 months, and more
Mondays. I miss him, and I feel like I "feel" his loss even more now.
Part of the reason for that may be that I am pregnant, and that makes
you emotional anyway, and I am pregnant, so I see now even more
acutely just what I have lost in losing Matthew. It happens to be
exactly one year between pregnancies. One year since I was feeling
queasy and tired and wondering whether Matthew was a boy or girl. One
year since I was innocently looking forward to that 12 week scan
which changed our lives. This baby (known as "D3" in our family – we
nicknamed Anabelle "Dubbie", so Matthew was "D2" before he was
Matthew, so this is "D3") is due on 9/9/09 (Matthew was due 11/9/08).
We found out on 5th January, the first Monday that I missed going to
Matthew's grave because we were holidaying in Coffs Harbour. We are
excited and very thankful for the speed at which this has happened,
but it will never take away from the loss of our boy, as I know you
would all understand. For the first 2-3 months after Matthew's death,
I knew that I was not ready to have another baby, so we were actively
avoiding falling pregnant. At around the 12 week mark, something
really changed in me. I had just been through the lowest of the all
the lows I've had to date, and came out the other side feeling really
different – optimistic about life, feeling like I could go back to
work one day, I could have another baby one day, I could take photos
of my daughter and our family and that was OK. So Chris and I decided
just to stop avoiding pregnancy and see what happened. We didn't
actively plan it (in fact I would NEVER have planned it for this time
of year and I still feel a bit nervous that this baby could be born
on Matthew's birthday), but that made it so much better in my mind.
It was in God's hands, and this was his timing.
According to my calculations I'm 9 weeks tomorrow, but my cycles had
obviously hardly had a chance to become regular since Matthew's
birth, so I'm off for a dating scan on Thursday at 4.30 pm. I've not
had a scan at this stage before (although I did have a 6 week one
with Anabelle due to bleeding), so I'm not too sure what to expect,
but still feel concerned that a. there might be something drastically
wrong, b. that the crown rump length might be way out thus raising my
suspicions about anencephaly, and c. that i'm just going to find it
all too emotional! I cry just at the thought of going. Anyway, I know
that God is in control and that it is normal for this to feel very
emotional. I am praying that I will be calm over the next 48 hours,
that our little D3 would be safe and healthy, and that no matter the
outcome that the scan will be handled well by the sonographer. The
midwife at the antenatal clinic was going to speak to the sonographer
in person prior to the scan to discuss my history and situation, so
hopefully that will help.
I would be interested to hear of anyone's experiences with early
scans in their subsequent pregnancies and even how early anencephaly
could be ruled out (no-one has been clear on this with me yet).
Thanks for your thoughts,
Love Vanessa

Leigh

You can have your folate and multiple other factors tested by a
blood test requested by your doctor.
The genetic Counsellor recommended specific tests before i tried to
concieve again which i had and took the high dose of folic acid. I
cant remember all the tests. I can probably find out if i need to.-

-- In as_ap@..., "Leigh" <bbuddies@...> wrote:
>
> I just wanted to share something I read in a mag today, which as I
> lay in bed, suddenly put a few of the missing pieces of the puzzle
> together in my head.....
>
> New Idea or Woman's Day (sorry, can't remember which), ran a story
in
> the later part of 2008 about a woman, who after giving birth in
2000,
> went on to suffer 18 miscarriages, all around the 7-8 week mark,
over
> 8 years.
>
> The first 3-4 m/c's were put down to 'bad luck' by her Drs.  The
> following dozen+ were due to 'unknown' factors.
>
> Thankfully, after so much heartache, someone in the medical
> profession had the insight to test further, and it was discovered
> that the woman's body was not storing folic acid.  The medico
> realised that the miscarriages were all at the same stage of
> development, ie. when the spinal column was forming.
>
> She then had folic acid injections (never heard of them??) prior
to
> conceiving, fell pregnant (for the 20th time), and then had
another
> injection in the first trimester (I think prior to 7 weeks?).
>
> She had a U/S at 8 weeks, one week more than her previous pg's,
which
> showed a healthy heartbeat, however she still thought she would
lose
> the baby.  She finally delivered a healthy baby at term.
>
> Me...............
> My 1st baby micarried at 8.5 weeks.  My 2nd pg - (id twin boys)
Tyson
> was diagnosed with Anen at 12 weeks, and died 10 min after birth
at
> 32 weeks.  My 3rd pg miscarried at 5-6 weeks.
>
> I just wonder if the 'test' is widely available?  Could it be
> something that all women should be encouraged to take prior to
> conceiving, as it is with Rubella immunisation?  It is simply not
> enough to tell women to take folate supplements (which I did for
all
> my pgs)if the womans body isn't storing it.
>
> It just makes me sad (and crying as I type this), that a (simple?)
> test could save so many little lives.
>
> I did genetic counselling after losing Tyson, where it was
> recommended that I increase my dose of folate from 0.5mg to 5mg.
>
> I did this for both following pgs, but it seems that it may have
been
> a 'fluke' that Jed & Dael survived, and are healthy, when the pg
> prior to J & D (after Reilly and Tyson) didn't survive.
>
> If my body was also not absorbing the folate as it should, then my
> babies are here only because I won a horrible gamble.  It makes me
> sick and angry that I may have put their lives at risk.
>
> I really would like to follow this up and see how hard it would be
to
> get this test available to all women.
>
> Leigh
>

I just wanted to share something I read in a mag today, which as I
lay in bed, suddenly put a few of the missing pieces of the puzzle
together in my head.....

New Idea or Woman's Day (sorry, can't remember which), ran a story in
the later part of 2008 about a woman, who after giving birth in 2000,
went on to suffer 18 miscarriages, all around the 7-8 week mark, over
8 years.

The first 3-4 m/c's were put down to 'bad luck' by her Drs.  The
following dozen+ were due to 'unknown' factors.

Thankfully, after so much heartache, someone in the medical
profession had the insight to test further, and it was discovered
that the woman's body was not storing folic acid.  The medico
realised that the miscarriages were all at the same stage of
development, ie. when the spinal column was forming.

She then had folic acid injections (never heard of them??) prior to
conceiving, fell pregnant (for the 20th time), and then had another
injection in the first trimester (I think prior to 7 weeks?).

She had a U/S at 8 weeks, one week more than her previous pg's, which
showed a healthy heartbeat, however she still thought she would lose
the baby.  She finally delivered a healthy baby at term.

Me...............
My 1st baby micarried at 8.5 weeks.  My 2nd pg - (id twin boys) Tyson
was diagnosed with Anen at 12 weeks, and died 10 min after birth at
32 weeks.  My 3rd pg miscarried at 5-6 weeks.

I just wonder if the 'test' is widely available?  Could it be
something that all women should be encouraged to take prior to
conceiving, as it is with Rubella immunisation?  It is simply not
enough to tell women to take folate supplements (which I did for all
my pgs)if the womans body isn't storing it.

It just makes me sad (and crying as I type this), that a (simple?)
test could save so many little lives.

I did genetic counselling after losing Tyson, where it was
recommended that I increase my dose of folate from 0.5mg to 5mg.

I did this for both following pgs, but it seems that it may have been
a 'fluke' that Jed & Dael survived, and are healthy, when the pg
prior to J & D (after Reilly and Tyson) didn't survive.

If my body was also not absorbing the folate as it should, then my
babies are here only because I won a horrible gamble.  It makes me
sick and angry that I may have put their lives at risk.

I really would like to follow this up and see how hard it would be to
get this test available to all women.

Leigh