Hi, im glad 3 years on you are able to share your journey with us.... Mercy
Grace was born 24/9/07 and passed away in mummies arms 3/11/07. I am struggling
greatly with my loss at this time.. some days finding it hard to breathe. I hope
in time i am able to share more with you and everyone  else. There is much i
have yet to share with you girls... some of this i have only just recently
shared partielly with my husband....

Better be off before the tears flow.. they are never too far away at the moment.

New member... welcome and im sorry yuou need to be here
Pettina

--- In as_ap@..., "r.paparone" <r.paparone@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone,
> I just joined today. I joined a similar group about 3 years ago but I never
posted anything on it. I guess I just wasn't ready.
>
> I have shared a very difficult time in my life with you all. For several
reasons. If anyone can understand, it would be others who have gone through such
a terrible thing. I also felt that it would be a kind of catharis for me, and
allow to move forward. And perhaps, someone who is going through this now may
find something in it that helps them move forward.
>
> Although, thinking about what I wrote, it doesn't sound like I have come very
far in such a long time, but at the time of writing it I had been deep in my
memories of that time. I don't usually allow myself to dwell on it often, but
for some reason it came into my head the last 2 days and hasn't been far from my
thoughts.
>
> I have come farther than I ever thought I would, and that is reason enough to
hope that things will get better still in the future. I can never replace my
lost child, but perhaps having another in time will go a long way to fill that
place in my heart.
>
> If anyone wants to talk to  me on here, I am willing to listen. Rant, vent,
rage, cry. We've all done it, and still do sometimes. These days though I tend
to just shed a quiet tear when i'm alone and thinking of her. I haven't spoken
like this to anyone, and it's like yesterday at times.
>
> Anyway, I better go. Don't want to drown you all. :)
>

Hi Everyone,
I just joined today. I joined a similar group about 3 years ago but I never
posted anything on it. I guess I just wasn't ready.

I have shared a very difficult time in my life with you all. For several
reasons. If anyone can understand, it would be others who have gone through such
a terrible thing. I also felt that it would be a kind of catharis for me, and
allow to move forward. And perhaps, someone who is going through this now may
find something in it that helps them move forward.

Although, thinking about what I wrote, it doesn't sound like I have come very
far in such a long time, but at the time of writing it I had been deep in my
memories of that time. I don't usually allow myself to dwell on it often, but
for some reason it came into my head the last 2 days and hasn't been far from my
thoughts.

I have come farther than I ever thought I would, and that is reason enough to
hope that things will get better still in the future. I can never replace my
lost child, but perhaps having another in time will go a long way to fill that
place in my heart.

If anyone wants to talk to  me on here, I am willing to listen. Rant, vent,
rage, cry. We've all done it, and still do sometimes. These days though I tend
to just shed a quiet tear when i'm alone and thinking of her. I haven't spoken
like this to anyone, and it's like yesterday at times.

Anyway, I better go. Don't want to drown you all. :)

Hi everyone

We've had some new members join us in the past few weeks and I haven't had a
chance to welcome them.

If you are a new member and feel comfortable posting your story on the boards or
in our files, we'd love to get to know you.

Perhaps you've been a member for a while and haven't shared your story with us,
or have an update to let us know how you're travelling, that'd be great too.

I've been a bit of a busy bugger lately and have neglected you all, for which I
am terribly sorry.  I had to get through May/June (my hard months) in one piece
and that meant going quiet, we all do whatever it takes.  This year was easier
for me, 3 years on and I'm doing pretty darned ok, I dearly hope that can give
those of you who are still in your early days some ray of light that it'll be ok
for you too.  As we all know it takes however long it takes.

Love to you all, please, pop up and say hi.

Lea :-)

Hi Justine.

Im so glad you have decided to post. Jus know that you are not alone in your
emotions.

I will share myself with you later.... i am struggling greatly with missing my
sweet Mercy Grace at the moment and dont feel i am able to share right now.
Just know that i am happy that you have made that first step to post... its a
huge one.

--- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Justine,
>
> Your story sounds awfuly similar to mine.  My angel baby Isabell was born on
the 6th of December 07 at 20 weeks.  She only just made it to 20 weeks by 45mins
otherwise she would of been considered a miscarriage and not a stillbirth and
would not have had a birth or death certificate.  I also gave birth naturally
after having the pregnancy interrupted.  We were not given the choice to
continue with the pregnancy.  I am sure this happened for a reason and no longer
feel guilty having had the pregancy interrupted.
>
> I am 24 weeks pregnant with my third child, a boy, who seems to be going well
as per all the scans but I don't think I will feel at ease until he is born and
I know he is okay and well.
>
> It's good that you have posted and I think it is such a big step. You may find
that the rest of your family don't talk about your angel baby so as not to cause
you any more grief and it might help to tell them that you do want to include
Matthew as part of the family.  They may not know.
>
> Hope everything goes well with the birth and that you have plenty of help
around once the new baby arrives.  You sound like a very brave woman, as I think
all parents who have lost a child are.
>
> Take Care
> Jenny
>
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "justinegooderham" <justinegooderham@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Everyone,
> >
> > I have been part of this group for about 12months now and this is my first
post.  I do not know alot of your stories and I'm very sorry about that. When I
first became part of this group I read some of your stories in the files part
and decided to write my own, after sending it onto a family member for them to
look over it for me she informed me I hadn't gone into enough detail of my
feelings at the time of having my little man.  So there the story stayed because
everytime I tried to look into that day and my feelings my heart broke again.
> >
> > My short story is that I'm am a mother to a 4yr old boy Joseph and angel
baby Matthew (01.12.07) (as he was born at 18weeks we didn't have to legally
name him but we already had the name picked and I could never name another child
that).  I am now 31weeks with boy number 3, it took me a long time to try again.
I feel its taken me so long to post in this group because I have always felt
that there is alot of people who have had a harder time of it than me.  We did
interrupt the pregnancy and I feel sometimes that was the wrong decision as alot
of family etc have forgotten about my little man its like I was never pregnant
then, but I gave natural birth to my boy and that I suppose has also helped me. 
When ever I think we made the wrong decision I try to think what my state
would've been like had I have continued with the pregnancy.  I'm not really sure
if this makes sense but I know if I go back through it I will delete it and not
post on the wall again.
> >
> > I don't have many birth fears Joseph was born by emergency C section at
36weeks because he could get passed my pelvis.  So at my doctors appointment on
wednesday I will be getting my booking date, so hopefully not much can go wrong
with the birth.  We live 600km from both our families so my mother and mother in
law are coming to visit for a few days each after the birth to help me ut with
the washing etc that I can't do.  Hopefully I don't go early bacuse they have to
book time off work.
> >
> > Again I'm not sure if it makes sense but I'm going to post it anyway.
> >
> > Justine
> >
>

Hi Justine,

Your story sounds awfuly similar to mine.  My angel baby Isabell was born on the
6th of December 07 at 20 weeks.  She only just made it to 20 weeks by 45mins
otherwise she would of been considered a miscarriage and not a stillbirth and
would not have had a birth or death certificate.  I also gave birth naturally
after having the pregnancy interrupted.  We were not given the choice to
continue with the pregnancy.  I am sure this happened for a reason and no longer
feel guilty having had the pregancy interrupted.

I am 24 weeks pregnant with my third child, a boy, who seems to be going well as
per all the scans but I don't think I will feel at ease until he is born and I
know he is okay and well.

It's good that you have posted and I think it is such a big step. You may find
that the rest of your family don't talk about your angel baby so as not to cause
you any more grief and it might help to tell them that you do want to include
Matthew as part of the family.  They may not know.

Hope everything goes well with the birth and that you have plenty of help around
once the new baby arrives.  You sound like a very brave woman, as I think all
parents who have lost a child are.

Take Care
Jenny


--- In as_ap@..., "justinegooderham" <justinegooderham@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone,
>
> I have been part of this group for about 12months now and this is my first
post.  I do not know alot of your stories and I'm very sorry about that. When I
first became part of this group I read some of your stories in the files part
and decided to write my own, after sending it onto a family member for them to
look over it for me she informed me I hadn't gone into enough detail of my
feelings at the time of having my little man.  So there the story stayed because
everytime I tried to look into that day and my feelings my heart broke again.
>
> My short story is that I'm am a mother to a 4yr old boy Joseph and angel baby
Matthew (01.12.07) (as he was born at 18weeks we didn't have to legally name him
but we already had the name picked and I could never name another child that). 
I am now 31weeks with boy number 3, it took me a long time to try again.  I feel
its taken me so long to post in this group because I have always felt that there
is alot of people who have had a harder time of it than me.  We did interrupt
the pregnancy and I feel sometimes that was the wrong decision as alot of family
etc have forgotten about my little man its like I was never pregnant then, but I
gave natural birth to my boy and that I suppose has also helped me.  When ever I
think we made the wrong decision I try to think what my state would've been like
had I have continued with the pregnancy.  I'm not really sure if this makes
sense but I know if I go back through it I will delete it and not post on the
wall again.
>
> I don't have many birth fears Joseph was born by emergency C section at
36weeks because he could get passed my pelvis.  So at my doctors appointment on
wednesday I will be getting my booking date, so hopefully not much can go wrong
with the birth.  We live 600km from both our families so my mother and mother in
law are coming to visit for a few days each after the birth to help me ut with
the washing etc that I can't do.  Hopefully I don't go early bacuse they have to
book time off work.
>
> Again I'm not sure if it makes sense but I'm going to post it anyway.
>
> Justine
>

Hi Everyone,

I have been part of this group for about 12months now and this is my first post.
I do not know alot of your stories and I'm very sorry about that. When I first
became part of this group I read some of your stories in the files part and
decided to write my own, after sending it onto a family member for them to look
over it for me she informed me I hadn't gone into enough detail of my feelings
at the time of having my little man.  So there the story stayed because
everytime I tried to look into that day and my feelings my heart broke again.

My short story is that I'm am a mother to a 4yr old boy Joseph and angel baby
Matthew (01.12.07) (as he was born at 18weeks we didn't have to legally name him
but we already had the name picked and I could never name another child that). 
I am now 31weeks with boy number 3, it took me a long time to try again.  I feel
its taken me so long to post in this group because I have always felt that there
is alot of people who have had a harder time of it than me.  We did interrupt
the pregnancy and I feel sometimes that was the wrong decision as alot of family
etc have forgotten about my little man its like I was never pregnant then, but I
gave natural birth to my boy and that I suppose has also helped me.  When ever I
think we made the wrong decision I try to think what my state would've been like
had I have continued with the pregnancy.  I'm not really sure if this makes
sense but I know if I go back through it I will delete it and not post on the
wall again.

I don't have many birth fears Joseph was born by emergency C section at 36weeks
because he could get passed my pelvis.  So at my doctors appointment on
wednesday I will be getting my booking date, so hopefully not much can go wrong
with the birth.  We live 600km from both our families so my mother and mother in
law are coming to visit for a few days each after the birth to help me ut with
the washing etc that I can't do.  Hopefully I don't go early bacuse they have to
book time off work.

Again I'm not sure if it makes sense but I'm going to post it anyway.

Justine

Hi every one,
How are you all going? Sorry its been ages since i've been on. Every things been
crazy here lately and i hardly get any time to myself. Not alot has been
happening my end. Riley is going really well. He is 4.5mths now and is almost
rolling over. When he's on his belly he pushes right up and looks like he's
gonna take off crawling, it sucks how fast they grow up.

My mothers day was ok i guess. Yesterday would have been Angela's 1st birthday
if we had of continued on with the pregnancy (and if she had come on time). I
felt fine yesterday but today it seems to have gotten the better of me and i've
had a few little cries. Don't get me wrong, i wouldn't trade Riley for the world
but i can't help but wonder what life would be like if she was here. Riley is
the one that keeps me going. It only takes the smallest smile and he makes me
feel so much better, he is my angel in disguise.

Other than that there really isn't any thing going on. Its Matthews 4th birthday
tomorrow, I can hardly believe that this time 4 years ago i was in hospital and
they had just broken my waters to induce labour. In another half hr i would have
had my 1st contraction and in another 6.5hrs time Matthew was born. Where on
earth has the time gone????

I'm in the process of begging Neil for a 4th baby, obviously not just yet but in
a couple of years time i think it would be nice, he's not so keen so i will have
to keep working on him or find a sperm donor *joke* lol.

Well i had best be off before i bore you all to much. Talk to you soon. I'll try
to get on abit more often. Take care every one.

love liz oxoxoxox

Mum to angel baby ***Angela***




--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Wishing you all a gentle Mother's Day.  I know (of course) how many
conflicting emotions can hit us on days like today, and pray that you all find
some quiet time to remember your precious babies who are no longer in your arms,
but forever in your hearts.
>
> I will make some time this week to sit and read through your messages and
catch up on what's happening, I'm sorry I've been so absent and it's not a
reflection at all on how much I care for each and every one of you very special
people.
>
> I'm just heading out to see ~Ben~ at the cemetary with my hubby and kids, it's
a magically warm sunny day here so it's a lovely day for a visit with my little
angel.
>
> Big hugs for you all today and always
>
> Lea xxxxxx
>

Wishing you all a gentle Mother's Day.  I know (of course) how many conflicting
emotions can hit us on days like today, and pray that you all find some quiet
time to remember your precious babies who are no longer in your arms, but
forever in your hearts.

I will make some time this week to sit and read through your messages and catch
up on what's happening, I'm sorry I've been so absent and it's not a reflection
at all on how much I care for each and every one of you very special people.

I'm just heading out to see ~Ben~ at the cemetary with my hubby and kids, it's a
magically warm sunny day here so it's a lovely day for a visit with my little
angel.

Big hugs for you all today and always

Lea xxxxxx

Hi Everyone,
It's been a while since I posted, so just wanted to drop in and let you know I'm
thinking of you all.
Also, I had my 20 week scan last week for baby "D3" (in case I haven't explained
before, D stands for "Dubbie" which was my daughter's knickname in utero and
still is, D2 was Matthew, and so this baby is D3, Dubbie number 3).
D3 is a girl - unnamed as yet! It's more difficult than I imagined. I think
we'll probably think over names and choose something when she's born.
D3 is healthy which is great. Praise God!
I've had bad asthma this week which has me worried about myself and D3, but
there's nothing I can do but take the medication and try and rest and get
better.
Next weekend I'm speaking at a Christian conference for women in Newcastle
(called Women of Truth) about my experience of Matthew's life and death and how
my faith in God helped me through this time. I'm leading the seminar with my
pastor's wife, and we've titled it "God's purposes in suffering: coping with the
death of a baby this side of heaven". It's been a lot of work, but a really good
process for me to get my thoughts, feelings and Matthew's story expressed in
words. I've also put together a visual presentation of Matthew's life/story to
music, which I really "enjoyed" doing. I still cry every time I watch it.
I have a very busy month in May, and this seminar is just the start of things,
so I'm hoping that having that done will at least lift a bit of a weight off my
shoulders. I have no idea how I'll be feeling emotionally next Sunday....drained
I imagine and I may crash after this point!
Hope everyone is OK.
Love Vanessa

Dear Kelly and Natalie,

I am so sorry for for both of your losses.  I know that nothing I will say will
make either of you feel better.  As most people say it gets better with time but
the memory is there all the time.  I hope both of you can pull yourselves
through this hard time and that you have plenty of loving family and friends
that can help.

Take care
Jenny

--- In as_ap@..., Kelly Daquanna <kellydaq44@...> wrote:
>
> Im so sorry to hear what you are going through. I really do stand beside you
with the hurt you are goin through at this time. People say they are sorry, they
know how you feel, blah blah blah but nothing can replace that pain we will feel
forever. I just lost my baby at 4 1/2mths on April 3rd and it's still been the
hardest thing for me to have to deal with. It was my first daughter which I
wanted so BAD and the chances of "anacephaly" is 1 out of 1000 so I still don't
understand why I had to be the 1 of the 1000 person to have it happen too.
Believe me when I tell you that GOD has something in store for the people like
us who seem to suffer when the ones that don't deserve it.....get it
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: nmurdoch2009 <clanmurdoch@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 11:37:18 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] Alex James Murdoch - Born 2nd April 2009 @ 3.12pm
>
>
>
>
>
> Hi Everyone,
>
> Our little boy Alex James Murdoch was born via c-section on Thursday 2nd April
2009 at 3.12pm, he become an angel at 3.27pm, we had him with us for 15 precious
minutes.
>
> Alex weight 880grams, (1lb,15oz)
> Length 35cms, (nearly 14 inches)
> Alex was 30.1 weeks when he was born.
>
> In such hard times I can see how God was working everything together.
> I had gotten to the point that carrying him was affecting my health,
> due to the "poly". But I couldn't say myself it was time to have our
> little man. I had to and was holding out until the doctor said it's time. My
doctor and midwife were both away on holidays. Our midwife had told us if Alex
was going to be born that she whould would come in, as she wasn't going away
anywhere. The replacement doctor we had was fantastic, he has the best bedside
manner, just what was needed in our situation. I had asked previously about my
mother coming in to the theatre but was told this wasn't possible. The best we
could hope for was Mum coming into the recovery room. I just wanted my mum to
hold Alex while he was alive, and I guess I didn't think he would make it to the
recover room. (which he didn't). I was due to go to Theatre
> at 3.30pm, but they came for me at 2.15pm, lots of things happened
> last minute. Mum was allowed to come into the Theatre with me and
> my husband Stephen. Someone from the hospital video taped for us in Theatre,
which normally no video cameras are allowed in the Theatre.
> So Stephen, Mum and myself all got to hold Alex while he was alive.
> We have some great pictures of Alex and Alex with our family.
> I haven't seen the video footage yet. Plus my sister and family had a
> holiday booked, so I thought that they wouldn't be around when Alex
> was born but it worked out that they flew out the night of the funeral.
> The other amazing thing was most of my family didn't want to see Alex
> and that hurt me, but the way things happened on the day,
> both my sisters saw him and it mean the world to me. The paedetrician we had
was also fantastic he saw us a couple of days after Alex was
> born and said that Alex had a severe case of anen. And even if I had
> of been physically able to continue carrying him, (as we were hoping
> to get to 36 weeks, then have the c-section)it may not have given us
> any more time with our little boy. This made me feel a bit better
> knowing that a few more weeks in our case my have not made a difference. As I
had felt guilty about not being able to continue carrrying him any longer.
>
> We kept Alex with us in our room for two days, it was so heart renching
letting them (funeral people) come and take away Alex.
> I learnt crying after having a c-section isn't a good idea, it hurts
> beyond words.
>
> We had his funeral on Monday 6th April at 10.30am, I was discharged from the
hospital that morning and went straight to the funeral service. It was a lovely
service everything that we had hoped for,
> I'm so glad that we arranged it in advance as the morning after Alex was born
I couldn't even fill in the hospital meal menu form and all I had to do was tick
boxes. There is no way that we could have given justice to arrange a funeral
service. We had a public funeral and it was great so many people came to
remember Alex. Somehow (with God's help) Stephen and I each read a poem at the
funeral service.
>
> Today it's a week since our little boy was born, I know life is
> supposed to go on but it's soo hard.
> I'm just trying to taking a day at a time, the tears just keep
> flowing, it feels so empty without him, life isn't supposted to
> be like this, but on the other side I know that God has been with
> us and I can see that as everything worked out so well.
> (in the circumstances)
>
> Sorry it's such a long novel to read, but I really wanted to share it
> all with you.
>
> Thanks for reading.
>
> Natalie
> Mummy to ^Alex^ 2nd April 2009
> Mummy to Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2
>

Tammie.
Im sorry things have been tough for you of late. It seems like the hard times
are going around

Vanessa. will try to get to Pm you later this week as i would love to catch up..
Love to you and the family

--- In as_ap@..., "Tammie" <abbey_april@...> wrote:
>
> Hey there, long time no speak to you all. I have been very busy with work and
also unwell.  This week is very hard again it seems like my pain for April is
getting worse. But it will get better soon I hope.  I hope you all enjoyed your
easter just gone. Well I hope to talk soon to you all.  Take Care and my prayers
are with you all
>

Hey there, long time no speak to you all. I have been very busy with work and
also unwell.  This week is very hard again it seems like my pain for April is
getting worse. But it will get better soon I hope.  I hope you all enjoyed your
easter just gone. Well I hope to talk soon to you all.  Take Care and my prayers
are with you all

Thanks for sharing natalie. im glad you were able to hold your baby in your arms
before he went to heaven and were also able to keep him with you for a few days.

I pray gods peace for you in this time.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us


Kelly... I am soo sorry for your loss. At times it feels like it will never
end... and at other times the pain is just like the dull ache of a migraine
retreating. I know this... my baby will always be my baby and nothing can change
that.

Pettina...xoxox

--- In as_ap@..., Kelly Daquanna <kellydaq44@...> wrote:
>
> Im so sorry to hear what you are going through. I really do stand beside you
with the hurt you are goin through at this time. People say they are sorry, they
know how you feel, blah blah blah but nothing can replace that pain we will feel
forever. I just lost my baby at 4 1/2mths on April 3rd and it's still been the
hardest thing for me to have to deal with. It was my first daughter which I
wanted so BAD and the chances of "anacephaly" is 1 out of 1000 so I still don't
understand why I had to be the 1 of the 1000 person to have it happen too.
Believe me when I tell you that GOD has something in store for the people like
us who seem to suffer when the ones that don't deserve it.....get it
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: nmurdoch2009 <clanmurdoch@...>
> To: as_ap@...
> Sent: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 11:37:18 PM
> Subject: [as_ap] Alex James Murdoch - Born 2nd April 2009 @ 3.12pm
>
>
>
>
>
> Hi Everyone,
>
> Our little boy Alex James Murdoch was born via c-section on Thursday 2nd April
2009 at 3.12pm, he become an angel at 3.27pm, we had him with us for 15 precious
minutes.
>
> Alex weight 880grams, (1lb,15oz)
> Length 35cms, (nearly 14 inches)
> Alex was 30.1 weeks when he was born.
>
> In such hard times I can see how God was working everything together.
> I had gotten to the point that carrying him was affecting my health,
> due to the "poly". But I couldn't say myself it was time to have our
> little man. I had to and was holding out until the doctor said it's time. My
doctor and midwife were both away on holidays. Our midwife had told us if Alex
was going to be born that she whould would come in, as she wasn't going away
anywhere. The replacement doctor we had was fantastic, he has the best bedside
manner, just what was needed in our situation. I had asked previously about my
mother coming in to the theatre but was told this wasn't possible. The best we
could hope for was Mum coming into the recovery room. I just wanted my mum to
hold Alex while he was alive, and I guess I didn't think he would make it to the
recover room. (which he didn't). I was due to go to Theatre
> at 3.30pm, but they came for me at 2.15pm, lots of things happened
> last minute. Mum was allowed to come into the Theatre with me and
> my husband Stephen. Someone from the hospital video taped for us in Theatre,
which normally no video cameras are allowed in the Theatre.
> So Stephen, Mum and myself all got to hold Alex while he was alive.
> We have some great pictures of Alex and Alex with our family.
> I haven't seen the video footage yet. Plus my sister and family had a
> holiday booked, so I thought that they wouldn't be around when Alex
> was born but it worked out that they flew out the night of the funeral.
> The other amazing thing was most of my family didn't want to see Alex
> and that hurt me, but the way things happened on the day,
> both my sisters saw him and it mean the world to me. The paedetrician we had
was also fantastic he saw us a couple of days after Alex was
> born and said that Alex had a severe case of anen. And even if I had
> of been physically able to continue carrying him, (as we were hoping
> to get to 36 weeks, then have the c-section)it may not have given us
> any more time with our little boy. This made me feel a bit better
> knowing that a few more weeks in our case my have not made a difference. As I
had felt guilty about not being able to continue carrrying him any longer.
>
> We kept Alex with us in our room for two days, it was so heart renching
letting them (funeral people) come and take away Alex.
> I learnt crying after having a c-section isn't a good idea, it hurts
> beyond words.
>
> We had his funeral on Monday 6th April at 10.30am, I was discharged from the
hospital that morning and went straight to the funeral service. It was a lovely
service everything that we had hoped for,
> I'm so glad that we arranged it in advance as the morning after Alex was born
I couldn't even fill in the hospital meal menu form and all I had to do was tick
boxes. There is no way that we could have given justice to arrange a funeral
service. We had a public funeral and it was great so many people came to
remember Alex. Somehow (with God's help) Stephen and I each read a poem at the
funeral service.
>
> Today it's a week since our little boy was born, I know life is
> supposed to go on but it's soo hard.
> I'm just trying to taking a day at a time, the tears just keep
> flowing, it feels so empty without him, life isn't supposted to
> be like this, but on the other side I know that God has been with
> us and I can see that as everything worked out so well.
> (in the circumstances)
>
> Sorry it's such a long novel to read, but I really wanted to share it
> all with you.
>
> Thanks for reading.
>
> Natalie
> Mummy to ^Alex^ 2nd April 2009
> Mummy to Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2
>

Hi Everyone,

Our little boy Alex James Murdoch was born via c-section on Thursday 2nd April
2009 at 3.12pm, he become an angel at 3.27pm, we had him with us for 15 precious
minutes.

Alex weight 880grams, (1lb,15oz)
Length  35cms, (nearly 14 inches)
Alex was 30.1 weeks when he was born.

In such hard times I can see how God was working everything together.
I had gotten to the point that carrying him was affecting my health,
due to the "poly". But I couldn't say myself it was time to have our
little man.  I had to and was holding out until the doctor said it's time.  My
doctor and midwife were both away on holidays. Our midwife had told us if Alex
was going to be born that she whould would come in, as she wasn't going away
anywhere.  The replacement doctor we had was fantastic, he has the best bedside
manner, just what was needed in our situation.  I had asked previously about my
mother coming in to the theatre but was told this wasn't possible. The best we
could hope for was Mum coming into the recovery room.  I just wanted my mum to
hold Alex while he was alive, and I guess I didn't think he would make it to the
recover room.  (which he didn't). I was due to go to Theatre
at 3.30pm, but they came for me at 2.15pm, lots of things happened
last minute. Mum was allowed to come into the Theatre with me and
my husband Stephen. Someone from the hospital video taped for us in Theatre,
which normally no video cameras are allowed in the Theatre.
So Stephen, Mum and myself all got to hold Alex while he was alive.
We have some great pictures of Alex and Alex with our family.
I haven't seen the video footage yet. Plus my sister and family had a
holiday booked, so I thought that they wouldn't be around when Alex
was born but it worked out that they flew out the night of the funeral.
The other amazing thing was most of my family didn't want to see Alex
and that hurt me, but the way things happened on the day,
both my sisters saw him and it mean the world to me.  The paedetrician we had
was also fantastic he saw us a couple of days after Alex was
born and said that Alex had a severe case of anen. And even if I had
of been physically able to continue carrying him, (as we were hoping
to get to 36 weeks, then have the c-section)it may not have given us
any more time with our little boy. This made me feel a bit better
knowing that a few more weeks in our case my have not made a difference. As I
had felt guilty about not being able to continue carrrying him any longer.

We kept Alex with us in our room for two days, it was so heart renching letting
them (funeral people) come and take away Alex.
I learnt crying after having a c-section isn't a good idea, it hurts
beyond words.

We had his funeral on Monday 6th April at 10.30am, I was discharged from the
hospital that morning and went straight to the funeral service. It was a lovely
service everything that we had hoped for,
I'm so glad that we arranged it in advance as the morning after Alex was born I
couldn't even fill in the hospital meal menu form and all I had to do was tick
boxes. There is no way that we could have given justice to arrange a funeral
service.  We had a public funeral and it was great so many people came to
remember Alex.  Somehow (with God's help) Stephen and I each read a poem at the
funeral service.

Today it's a week since our little boy was born, I know life is
supposed to go on but it's soo hard.
I'm just trying to taking a day at a time, the tears just keep
flowing, it feels so empty without him, life isn't supposted to
be like this, but on the other side I know that God has been with
us and I can see that as everything worked out so well.
(in the circumstances)

Sorry it's such a long novel to read, but I really wanted to share it
all with you.

Thanks for reading.

Natalie
Mummy to ^Alex^ 2nd April 2009
Mummy to Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2

Natalie.

I will be praying for you over the coming weeks.
This might sound odd but i would also like to Congratulate you on the birth of
your beautiful baby Alex.
I really hope your time with him is blessed and that your other children are
able to know the joy that such a gift brings, in what is also such a sad and
difficult time.

Hope to hear news of your precious Alex as soon a syour able.

God bless
Pettina xox

--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Dearest Natalie, I know you won't be around to read this message for a little
while, and I'm so sorry that I wasn't here sooner to wish you well for the
delivery of precious Alex.  I hope that it all went as well as possible and you
got to spend some time with your beautiful son.  I pray that you have had a
chance to make some special memories with your boy, and that the time he spent
with you was gentle.  Thinking of you all with a mixture of joy at the birth of
your son, and sadness too.  My love and hugs to you and your family.  Please let
us know how you're doing soon.
>
> Lea xxxxxx
>

Dearest Natalie, I know you won't be around to read this message for a little
while, and I'm so sorry that I wasn't here sooner to wish you well for the
delivery of precious Alex.  I hope that it all went as well as possible and you
got to spend some time with your beautiful son.  I pray that you have had a
chance to make some special memories with your boy, and that the time he spent
with you was gentle.  Thinking of you all with a mixture of joy at the birth of
your son, and sadness too.  My love and hugs to you and your family.  Please let
us know how you're doing soon.

Lea xxxxxx

Natalie,
my prayers are certainly with you. I pray that you will have peace as you go for
the C section today, that the doctors and midwives will be sensitive to your
needs and Alex's needs, and that you might have time with Alex to make some
precious memories.
With love,
Vanessa, Chris & Anabelle

Vanessa, Mum to Matthew (15/9/08)


--- In as_ap@..., "nmurdoch2009" <clanmurdoch@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone,
>
> Just letting you know that Alex James Murdoch will be born tomorrow afternoon
via c-section.  The 'poly' is worse and I have become extremely breathless.  The
doctor has recommended delivery.
>
> It's so daunting, I have so many emotions going through me.
> I don't want to loose Alex, but physically I know it can't continue much
longer either.
>
> Please keep us in your prayers.
>
> Thanks
> Love
> Natalie,
> Mummy to Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2 and Alex (30 weeks)
>

Hi Everyone,

Just letting you know that Alex James Murdoch will be born tomorrow afternoon
via c-section.  The 'poly' is worse and I have become extremely breathless.  The
doctor has recommended delivery.

It's so daunting, I have so many emotions going through me.
I don't want to loose Alex, but physically I know it can't continue much longer
either.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Thanks
Love
Natalie,
Mummy to Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2 and Alex (30 weeks)

Hey Vanessa,
Everything was wonderful thanks for asking.  The bub had a beautiful skull,
limbs and everything else that the baby needs to function so we were absolutely
ecstatic! All the worry left me instantly.  Now I have to wait for the 18 week
ultrasound. Something else to worry about closer to the time.  I am so glad to
hear that everything is going well with your bub. Hope that you and everyone
else is keeping well.
Pettina, I hope that everything gets better for you soon.  My thoughts are with
and I hope you get better soon.
Luv Jenny

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy" <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi Jenny,
> How did you go with your ultrasound? I understand your feelings of fear - that
was me just 4 or 5 weeks ago. Please let us know how you are now and how it
went. I had my 16 week scan last Wed which was another relief. My doc couldn't
find the heartbeat on the previous Fri, so I was keen to know everything was OK
which it was.
> Thinking of you,
> Love Vanessa
>
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@> wrote:
> >
> > Hello,
> >
> > Hope all of you are doing well.  Just thought I'd let you all know that my
12 week ultrasound is this friday and I am very, very scared.
> >
> > Things have been different with this pregnancy from my pregnancy with
Isabell.   With Isabell we did'nt buy anything even though we did'nt know
anything was wrong with her.  This time I've already gone out and bought the
baby things (this might be just my inner self trying to make sure that this baby
will be fine).  We always get our ultrasounds done at the same place and with
Isabell they never gave us a photo of the ultrasound on either the 10 week or
the 19 week one when we found out.  When I went for the 8 week ultrasound a few
weeks ago they automatically gave us a photo of the baby.
> >
> > I really do think that I am just trying convince myself that everything is
going to be okay but I still feel so nervous.  I don't think I could go through
it all over again.  Even if the baby does'nt have anenecephaly I'm still worried
that something else could be wrong.  I feel helpless because it is all out of my
hands and all I can do is wait.  Its making me feel sick in the stomach.  I
don't want to think the worst because I don't want to be so negative but I just
can't help it.  Matty is convinced that everything is going to be fine and I
hope he is right.
> >
> > Anyways
> > Take care of yourselves
> > Jenny
> >
>

Hi Jenny,
How did you go with your ultrasound? I understand your feelings of fear - that
was me just 4 or 5 weeks ago. Please let us know how you are now and how it
went. I had my 16 week scan last Wed which was another relief. My doc couldn't
find the heartbeat on the previous Fri, so I was keen to know everything was OK
which it was.
Thinking of you,
Love Vanessa


--- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> Hope all of you are doing well.  Just thought I'd let you all know that my 12
week ultrasound is this friday and I am very, very scared.
>
> Things have been different with this pregnancy from my pregnancy with Isabell.
With Isabell we did'nt buy anything even though we did'nt know anything was
wrong with her.  This time I've already gone out and bought the baby things
(this might be just my inner self trying to make sure that this baby will be
fine).  We always get our ultrasounds done at the same place and with Isabell
they never gave us a photo of the ultrasound on either the 10 week or the 19
week one when we found out.  When I went for the 8 week ultrasound a few weeks
ago they automatically gave us a photo of the baby.
>
> I really do think that I am just trying convince myself that everything is
going to be okay but I still feel so nervous.  I don't think I could go through
it all over again.  Even if the baby does'nt have anenecephaly I'm still worried
that something else could be wrong.  I feel helpless because it is all out of my
hands and all I can do is wait.  Its making me feel sick in the stomach.  I
don't want to think the worst because I don't want to be so negative but I just
can't help it.  Matty is convinced that everything is going to be fine and I
hope he is right.
>
> Anyways
> Take care of yourselves
> Jenny
>

Hey Vanessa..

Sorry i havent been in contact. I would love to catch up...Things have not been
great with me and i have been in hospital... Prayers would go a long way right
now.

Pettina


--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy" <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi Pettina,
> Haven't heard from you in a while..hope you're OK. Has John had enough work
lately?
> Would love to get together again, but things have been HECTIC! I'm hoping the
world slows down and lets me off very soon, before I explode!
> Yes, life has been tough lately, but we'll survive.
> Thinking of you and the other girls in the group too,
> Love Vanessa
>

Hello,

Hope all of you are doing well.  Just thought I'd let you all know that my 12
week ultrasound is this friday and I am very, very scared.

Things have been different with this pregnancy from my pregnancy with Isabell.  
With Isabell we did'nt buy anything even though we did'nt know anything was
wrong with her.  This time I've already gone out and bought the baby things
(this might be just my inner self trying to make sure that this baby will be
fine).  We always get our ultrasounds done at the same place and with Isabell
they never gave us a photo of the ultrasound on either the 10 week or the 19
week one when we found out.  When I went for the 8 week ultrasound a few weeks
ago they automatically gave us a photo of the baby.

I really do think that I am just trying convince myself that everything is going
to be okay but I still feel so nervous.  I don't think I could go through it all
over again.  Even if the baby does'nt have anenecephaly I'm still worried that
something else could be wrong.  I feel helpless because it is all out of my
hands and all I can do is wait.  Its making me feel sick in the stomach.  I
don't want to think the worst because I don't want to be so negative but I just
can't help it.  Matty is convinced that everything is going to be fine and I
hope he is right.

Anyways
Take care of yourselves
Jenny

Hi Pettina,
Haven't heard from you in a while..hope you're OK. Has John had enough work
lately?
Would love to get together again, but things have been HECTIC! I'm hoping the
world slows down and lets me off very soon, before I explode!
Yes, life has been tough lately, but we'll survive.
Thinking of you and the other girls in the group too,
Love Vanessa

Hi everyone,
As has become my custom, I like to write about Matthew and about my thoughts
whenever I reach a "milestone" Matthew moment. It helps me to process what's
happening, and stop to take time to focus on my grief. This was written
yesterday, but with it being a fairly hard day, I didn't get to post it here
till this morning. I hope you all don't mind me sharing my thoughts.
Love Vanessa



15/3/2009

As I awoke this morning to the half year of Matthew, I was overwhelmed, as I
have been a lot in the last few months, with the deep sadness of losing my son.
The sadness of missed memories and real milestones that are never to be reached.
6 months is probably not much of a big deal to other mothers; in fact, I could
not find a photo of my own daughter Anabelle that was taken on the day she was 6
months, but there were plenty of memories which surrounded that time. Making a
mess eating solids for the first time, rolling over and back again, playing
peek-a-boo and sitting up. Things I'll never see Matthew do.

Yesterday, with the help of my Dad, Chris finished building the "Dubbie Cubby"
(we nickname all our kids Dubbie in utero). Bought with part of the proceeds of
Matthew's money (otherwise known as the baby bonus), this is Matthew's gift to
his siblings (present and future) to enjoy. When I first found out I was
pregnant with Matthew, I got the idea to use this money to build a cubby house,
picturing Anabelle and her brother playing together happily, as I had done with
my brother. Anabelle does not yet know or understand what she is missing in not
having her brother here, but I know, and that adds to my sadness.

This morning as we read the bible in bed, Anabelle chose the story of Lazarus in
her Big Picture Story Bible. Mary and Martha had a brother called Lazarus who
died. "You had a brother who died too – Matthew", Chris said. When Jesus came,
Mary and Martha were crying and Jesus cried with them. I could imagine as we
read, Jesus alongside us, crying for Matthew also. The people in the crowd knew
what Jesus was capable of and said "Why couldn't he who healed the blind man
prevent Lazarus from dying?" I echoed their words: "Oh Lord, why did you not
stop Matthew from dying?" In my world of human emotions, 6 months on, this is
how I felt too. I wanted our powerful God to do that for us; to have prevented
our pain and crying, to not let our baby die in the first place. In the story,
Jesus had been sent for when Lazarus was still sick, as his sisters knew Jesus
had the power to heal him. Yet, in typical Jesus style, he had waited until
Lazarus had died before coming to his friends for a reason. He was going to
demonstrate his (and therefore God's) power over death. After being in the tomb
4 days, Jesus called Lazarus out, and out he walked. Although Matthew was not
miraculously healed, and although Jesus has not opened Matthew's grave and
called him back out to us, God has done something far more spectacular in
Matthew where he is in heaven. This promise is described in the bible in Isaiah
35, and for a baby like Matthew who could neither hear nor speak nor see nor
walk, the transformation he has experienced in his heavenly body is truly a
spectacular miracle.

"Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water
will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert….Those the Lord
rescued will return…Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing
will flee away". (excerpts from Is 35: 5-10).

It is a privilege to teach Anabelle about Jesus, and again I am sad about not
having the opportunity to teach Matthew and read him the bible. Yet, Matthew
knows it all (and far more than we know) already. He is in the very presence of
God, seeing with his new eyes, things that we hold on to in faith.

I have been encouraged by music much over the past months, and at the moment one
of my favourite albums is "Lifesong" by a Christian band called Casting Crowns.
There are several songs on this album which address grief in some way and the
songwriters have such a unique way of putting my feelings into such poetic
words. Here are some words from part of the song "Praise you in this storm".

"I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm"

That pretty much sums up how I feel today. I am crying, and I feel God both
holding my tears and crying with me. And through my tears I just manage to say
"I praise you Lord, use this storm of my life for your glory".

Hi Natalie,
Thanks for posting about where you're up to. I hope that you were able to have a
useful discussion with the paediatrician about Alex. We live in Maitland, NSW
and found the medical staff there and in Newcastle to be very helpful in
answering all our many questions. I had Matthew 6 months ago, he was 40 weeks +
4 and he lived for 1 hour after birth.
I wish you all the best for these next tough weeks ahead. You and your family
are in my thoughts and prayers,
Love Vanessa


--- In as_ap@..., "nmurdoch2009" <clanmurdoch@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Lea & Everyone,
>
> I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with Alex.
> I now have polyhydramnios it's getting worse but we saw our doctor yesterday
and so far it's not extreme yet.  The bad news is that the 'poly' is now
affecting Alex and he has enlarged kidneys.
> I was planning on making 35/36 weeks then I have to have
> a c-section. But with the poly I might night not get that far.  But now with
it affecting Alex, I don't want him in pain or discomfort just so I can make a
few more weeks.  I'm going to talk to a paediatrician today and see what he
says.  Whenever Alex comes I have to have a c-section.  We have most things
organised, clothes, funeral etc. I didn't want to have to cope with organising
things later.  We have recorded Alex's heartbeat in a couple of teddy's and next
time we visit our midwife we will record it on a scrapbooking recorder.  Well
that's were I'm at, trying to cope with it all, and look after my other two
kids.  They are a bit young to understand what's happening.
>
> Thanks for asking how I'm going.
>
> Natalie
> mummy to Alex 27 weeks, Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2
>
> --- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@> wrote:
> >
> > Natalie, how are you doing hon?  I noticed you haven't been posting and hope
that all is going well with you, please let us know how you're doing if you are
up to it.
> >
> > Sending lots of hugs
> >
> > Lea
> >
>

Hi Lea & Everyone,

I'm now 27 weeks pregnant with Alex.
I now have polyhydramnios it's getting worse but we saw our doctor yesterday and
so far it's not extreme yet.  The bad news is that the 'poly' is now affecting
Alex and he has enlarged kidneys.
I was planning on making 35/36 weeks then I have to have
a c-section. But with the poly I might night not get that far.  But now with it
affecting Alex, I don't want him in pain or discomfort just so I can make a few
more weeks.  I'm going to talk to a paediatrician today and see what he says. 
Whenever Alex comes I have to have a c-section.  We have most things organised,
clothes, funeral etc. I didn't want to have to cope with organising things
later.  We have recorded Alex's heartbeat in a couple of teddy's and next time
we visit our midwife we will record it on a scrapbooking recorder.  Well that's
were I'm at, trying to cope with it all, and look after my other two kids.  They
are a bit young to understand what's happening.

Thanks for asking how I'm going.

Natalie
mummy to Alex 27 weeks, Matthew age 3, Bethany age 2

--- In as_ap@..., "Lea" <leannec72@...> wrote:
>
> Natalie, how are you doing hon?  I noticed you haven't been posting and hope
that all is going well with you, please let us know how you're doing if you are
up to it.
>
> Sending lots of hugs
>
> Lea
>

Vanessa, everytime I read a post from you I am moved to tears.  Each post says a
little something (or more) that reminds me of my own feelings about our
Ben.....I want to thank you for helping me get in touch with my own feelings
through sharing yours.

I hope that this difficult day was gentle on you, I'm sending you lots of love.

Lea

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy" <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
wrote:
>
> Tomorrow it is 12 months since we found out that Matthew had
> anencephaly. It feels like today is the anniversary, because today it
> is Monday, and the scan was a Monday last year, and it was late in
> the day when we had the scan and went to the doctor to talk things
> over. On Mondays we go to Matthew's grave usually, because he was
> also born and died on a Monday, and today (and often lately) I was
> crying before we even got there. My life was changed that day. In a
> similar way that I can't "remember" much about what life felt like
> prior to being married (I've been married 10 years, since I was 21),
> I can't remember what it was like "pre-Matthew" - the innocence we
> must have had, the worries which were so inconsequential in
> comparison to losing your baby. I have been grieving for my son for a
> year. In 2 weeks we'll be remembering 6 months since he died. 6
> months of grief before he even came, and 6 months afterwards. It's
> surreal.
> I plan to go to my Mum's garden in the morning and pick some nice
> flowers (any flowers will do, as my garden isn't producing anything
> much at the moment!) and take them back to the grave. For the 6
> months date, I have ordered a heap of thank you cards with Matthew's
> photo on them to send out. After Matthew died, there were so many
> people who helped us in many ways. I've always been big on thank you
> notes, but Chris convinced me at the time not to worry about them.
> I'm glad I didn't. At the time I only wrote to thank those who came
> to visit Matthew and I included the photo that was taken of them with
> Matthew for them to keep. But now, I really feel the need to thank
> the many other people whose kindness to us is not forgotten, just as
> Matthew is not forgotten, even after 6 months and now being into
> another pregnancy. I felt it would be an appropriate way to
> acknowledge Matthew, as well as give me the chance to say thank you.
> I still find the thought of that day 12 months ago quite shocking,
> and so so sad. I miss my boy, I miss the fact that we didn't get more
> time to know each other but am so glad for the brief time I had.
> Well I think that's enough from me for tonight, I just needed to
> express & acknowledge those thoughts.
> Vanessa
>

Vanessa, everytime I read a post from you I am moved to tears.  Each post says a
little something (or more) that reminds me of my own feelings about our
Ben.....I want to thank you for helping me get in touch with my own feelings
through sharing yours.

I hope that this difficult day was gentle on you, I'm sending you lots of love.

Lea

--- In as_ap@..., "Vanessa Murphy" <chrisandvanessamurphy@...>
wrote:
>
> Tomorrow it is 12 months since we found out that Matthew had
> anencephaly. It feels like today is the anniversary, because today it
> is Monday, and the scan was a Monday last year, and it was late in
> the day when we had the scan and went to the doctor to talk things
> over. On Mondays we go to Matthew's grave usually, because he was
> also born and died on a Monday, and today (and often lately) I was
> crying before we even got there. My life was changed that day. In a
> similar way that I can't "remember" much about what life felt like
> prior to being married (I've been married 10 years, since I was 21),
> I can't remember what it was like "pre-Matthew" - the innocence we
> must have had, the worries which were so inconsequential in
> comparison to losing your baby. I have been grieving for my son for a
> year. In 2 weeks we'll be remembering 6 months since he died. 6
> months of grief before he even came, and 6 months afterwards. It's
> surreal.
> I plan to go to my Mum's garden in the morning and pick some nice
> flowers (any flowers will do, as my garden isn't producing anything
> much at the moment!) and take them back to the grave. For the 6
> months date, I have ordered a heap of thank you cards with Matthew's
> photo on them to send out. After Matthew died, there were so many
> people who helped us in many ways. I've always been big on thank you
> notes, but Chris convinced me at the time not to worry about them.
> I'm glad I didn't. At the time I only wrote to thank those who came
> to visit Matthew and I included the photo that was taken of them with
> Matthew for them to keep. But now, I really feel the need to thank
> the many other people whose kindness to us is not forgotten, just as
> Matthew is not forgotten, even after 6 months and now being into
> another pregnancy. I felt it would be an appropriate way to
> acknowledge Matthew, as well as give me the chance to say thank you.
> I still find the thought of that day 12 months ago quite shocking,
> and so so sad. I miss my boy, I miss the fact that we didn't get more
> time to know each other but am so glad for the brief time I had.
> Well I think that's enough from me for tonight, I just needed to
> express & acknowledge those thoughts.
> Vanessa
>

Jenny congratulations on your pregnancy, this is wonderful news!  It's really
nice to see you pop up with such an exciting update.  I'm so glad you took the
chance to pop back in here despite it being a little hard, we all go through
times when it gets a bit tough to even seek out support, but never forget that
we are here and we do care how you feel.

Oh, and Leigh is doing ok, she's been on and off high alert for ages, packed up
and leaving and coming back when they can, it's been very tiring for them on
lots of levels.  I'll let her know you asked after her if she doesn't pop in
herself.

Mwah, Lea

--- In as_ap@..., "Jenny" <jenzi83@...> wrote:
>
> Just thought I'd pop in and say hello to you all.  Congratulations
> Vanessa on the pregnancy, hope everything goes well throughout this
> pregnancy.  Liz, your kids are gorgeous Riley is just so adorable.
>
> How is Leigh? Has she been able to return home, has anyone heard?
>
> I have been really busy lately which is why I have not been around.
> Also found it hard to come back in here since Isabells birthday but
> thought I should.  Not sure why I did'nt want to.
>
> I also would like to let you all know that I am 8weeks and 5 days
> pregnant as of today.  I had my first scan today and all is okay so far
> (even though they can't tell for another 3-4 weeks). The baby is 2.5cm
> long and had a good heartbeat.
>
> Anyway, take care all
> Jenny
>