Making the most of your IT department

--Unknown
1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee.
It's no problem for us to remember 700 network passwords.

2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,
dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a
life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

5. When an IT professional is at the water cooler or outside having a
smoke, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water
or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have email
or a telephone line.

6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and
flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier or fax machine doesn't work, call computer
support. There's electronics in it, right?

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE or BUSY SIGNAL message at home,
call the helpdesk. We can even fix telephone problems from here.

12. When we offer you training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't
bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.

13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.

14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

19. When a helpdesk engineer asks you whether you've installed any new
software on this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got
on your computer.

20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were
designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?" click on that
'Yes' button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you
wouldn't be doing it, would you?

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call the helpdesk.
Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and
Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional
engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary
to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a
third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a
high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and
processor capacity on that mail server.

27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into
the queue.


29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on
the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be
there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your
Access database flip out.

30. When IT send you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at
once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.