I enjoyed these. Hasn't been too much laughter lately. Must get to the hippo
races one day(!!).

Narelle

fran monaghan <franmonaghan@...> wrote:
thanks to dora for these jokes:)

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They

> were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
> actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a raw
> sense of humour.
>
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
> TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
> them die.
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
> tracks? (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
> (USA)
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle
> of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is
> every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.
> Come naked.
>
> Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
> and we'll send the rest of the
> directions.
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys
> Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo
> races. Come naked.
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
> A: You are a British politician, right?
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
> round? (Germany)
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
> illegal.
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> rattlesnake serum. (USA)
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All
> Australian snakes are perfectly
> harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
> its name. It's a kind of a bear and lives
> in trees. (USA)
> A: It's called a Gum Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
> of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
> underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human
> urine before you go out walking.
>
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
> A: Only at Christmas.
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
> -




-
<http://member.telpacific.com.au/sparkle>


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Narelle Bell


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