am i the only one silly enough to spend hours making up fake identities
for my myspace? apparently not...theres a fakemyspace
paid service that uses pics from models with interesting biographies
yeah that quote hit the spot allright:)
--- Cynthia Weber <BellCanto@...> wrote:
****************************
fran m
________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Any questions? Get answers on any topic at www.Answers.yahoo.com. Try it now.
If you haven't read the latest Warrior Librarian Weekly, here's a
wonderful quote:
Librarians should not try to compete with search engines, because
they're going to lose. Librarians are just not able to deliver 22
million pieces of crap in 0.03 seconds. - David Lankes, at TAFE 20:20
Vision Conference.
Cynthia Weber
Sounds like an airline I'd love to fly with!!!!
Narelle Bell
Some are old ones but still funny
> Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg, i.e.
the
> Jetstar in SA.
>
> Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
> lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some
real
> examples that have been heard or reported:
>
> On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit
> where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time
choosing,
> when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking
out
> furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
>
> ---o0o---
>
> On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
> pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
> will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and
to
> enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
>
> ----o0o---
>
> On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of
> your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure
it's
> something we'd like to have."
>
> ----o0o---
>
> "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
> ways out of this airplane."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> "Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us
> the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
>
> -------o0o---
>
> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a
> lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
>
> -----o0o---
>
> After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the
> Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care
when
> opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
> sure as hell everything has shifted."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 245 to Durban.
> To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull
> tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
know
> how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
> descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over
> your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your
> mask
> before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than
one
> small child, pick your favourite."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
> but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
> remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
>
> ----o0o---
>
> "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event
> of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them
with
> our compliments."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
> belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
> flight
> attendants.. Please do not leave children or spouses."
>
> -------o0o---
>
> And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines
> is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants
in
> the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
>
> ---------o0o---
>
> Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town:
> The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a
> bump,
> and I know what you all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
the
> airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
> attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
>
> ----------o0o---
>
> Overheard on an Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly
> windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really
> having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
> Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City.
Please
>
> remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain
taxis
> what's
> left of our airplane to the gate!"
>
> ----------o0o---
>
> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
> landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces
> us
> to the terminal."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
> hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
policy
> which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
> Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our
airline.
> He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking
the
> passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment.
> Finally everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking
> with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why,
> no, Madam," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said,
"Did
> we
> land, or were we shot down?"
>
> ---o0o---
>
> After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant
> came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
> Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
> halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
> warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick
your
> way
> through the wreckage to the terminal."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
> thank you for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
> the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal
> tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
>
> ---o0o---
> Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
> smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you
can
> light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
>
> ---o0o---
>
> A plane was taking off from Durban Airport. After it reached a
> comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over
the
> intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
> Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The
> weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
> uneventful
> flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOSH!" Silence followed, and
> after a few
> minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and
> Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking
> to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee
in
> my
> lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled,
> "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!
>
>
>
>
>
Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Narelle Bell
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Amanda Credaro <acredaro@...>
To: oztl_net@...
Sent: Wednesday, 24 January, 2007 12:28:38 PM
Subject: [OZTL_NET] HUMOR: VOCABULARY SPIN
The following was sent to me by a colleague - although there's no
attribution, it is too good not to pass on. Some of the below have been
around for a while, whilst others I haven't seen before. Enjoy! And thanks
to the many anonymous authors ....
------------------------------------------------------------------
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start
speaking?
19. Why do they put Braille signs well away from QR doors? How do blind
people find the signs?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become
disorientated?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted here by:
Amanda Credaro
Editor: WARRIOR LIBRARIAN WEEKLY (free)
http://www.warriorlibrarian.com
*********************************
Generally, the forwarding of email to a third party, without express and
prior consent (which if granted will be done so without any expectation of
financial or other gain), is a violation of Australian Telecommunication
Laws. Permission is hereby granted for THIS communication to be circulated
appropriately without obtaining prior consent, nor paying any fees or
charge. However, gratuities that are high in energy and low in nutritional
value are always most welcome.
*******************
_________________________________________________________________
Advertisement: Meet Sexy Singles Today @ Lavalife - Click here
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Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Now this is something really funny. Always makes me laugh!!!
Narelle Bell
----- Original Message ----
From: Powerball Lottery International <claims_powerball007@...>
Sent: Saturday, 13 January, 2007 1:36:41 PM
Subject: [lightheartedlibrarians] NOTICE...CONGRATULATIONS 2007!!!
NOTICE...CONGRATULA TIONS 2007!!!
West London,
43 North End Road, West Kensington, London W14 8SZ
Lucky Winner,
NOTICE...CONGRATULA TIONS!!!!
FROM THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT
POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL
PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPT
BATCH NO: PBL/67189098011/ 245679/1109
REF. NO: PBL/11278998789/ 908796//1109
WINNING NOTIFICATION / FINAL
NOTICE...CONGRATULA TIONS!!!!
This is to inform you of the release of the E-MAIL LOTTERY BALLOT
INTERNATIONAL/ WORLD GAMING BOARD. Your name attached to ticket number
100190876290 with Serial number 801972719 drew the lucky numbers of
11-40-09-55- 23, which consequently won the lottery in the 1st category.
You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payment of
1,000,000.00euros only, which is deposited with the UnitedKingdom
Clearing house in your favor as beneficiary and covered with HIGH INSURANCE
POLICY.
It is important that you keep your winning confidential to avoid people
garneringyour information and subsequently making claim with your
winning paraphernalia information’s, POWERBALL EURO
E-MAILINTERNATIONAL will decline payment if such irregularity occurs.
All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn
from only Microsoft users from over 20,000.00 companies and 3,000,000.00
individual email addresses and names from all over the world. To begin
your lottery claim, please contact our agent below that have been
appointed forthe processing of your claim with your contact
telephoneand fax number to begin the processing of your payment.
ELIGIBILITY:
This promotion is offered only electronically via the Internet and is
open to all persons from age 18 years and above with a valid email address
and who live in any of the aforementioned countries.This promotion is void
in all other countries and is also void where prohibited.Principa ls and
employees of POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL Promos and its
respective Parents, subsidiaries and their immediate families are not
eligible.
CLAIMS PROCEDURES:
It is our standard practice to allocate accredited agents for the
processing of claims application. It is even more imperative for
overseas winners. To begin your claims therefore, you are advised as a
matter of
urgency, to contact the under listed licensed and accredited claims
agent for the processing of your prize awards winning. Please contact the
clearing house (through your claims agent only) the body assigned with
the verification of all emergent winner. Therefore all protocols laid down
by them must be followed to facilitate your claims;
CONTACT NAME: PETER RAYMUND
CITY/ COUNTRY: LONDON, ENGLAND.
TELEPHONE: +4470-2403-6554
FAX: 44-841-735-5106
EMAIL: claims_powerball007 @yahoo.gr
(1) Being one of the lucky winners, you constitute entrant's full and
unconditional agreement to and acceptance of our terms and conditions
of claims to avoid any discrepancy in the cause of payment of your prize
awards winning.
(2) To avoid double claims, you are advised to keep your winning
details very confidential, as any discrepancies resulting from a breach of
this
confidentiality on the part of the winners will be covered solely by
such winner as our staffs are bound by the oath of secrecy taken on
employment.
Congratulations again from all our staffs and thank you for being part
of our Promotions program.
Sincerely,
Margaret Ferguson
Co-coordinator.
NB: PLEASE SEE THAT YOU QUOTE YOUR REF AND BATCH NUMBERS IN YOUR
Correspondence TO YOUR CLAIMS AGENT.
Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
oh gees. if only:)
--- Powerball Lottery International
<claims_powerball007@...> wrote:
>
>
>
> NOTICE...CONGRATULATIONS 2007!!!
> West London,
> 43 North End Road, West Kensington, London W14 8SZ
> Lucky Winner,
>
> NOTICE...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
> FROM THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT
> POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL
> PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPT
> BATCH NO: PBL/67189098011/245679/1109
> REF. NO: PBL/11278998789/908796//1109
> WINNING NOTIFICATION / FINAL
> NOTICE...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
>
> This is to inform you of the release of the E-MAIL
> LOTTERY BALLOT
> INTERNATIONAL/WORLD GAMING BOARD. Your name attached
> to ticket number
> 100190876290 with Serial number 801972719 drew the
> lucky numbers of
> 11-40-09-55-23, which consequently won the lottery
> in the 1st category.
> You have therefore been approved for a lump sum
> payment of
> 1,000,000.00euros only, which is deposited with the
> UnitedKingdom
> Clearing house in your favor as beneficiary and
> covered with HIGH INSURANCE
> POLICY.
>
> It is important that you keep your winning
> confidential to avoid people
> garneringyour information and subsequently making
> claim with your
> winning paraphernalia information’s,
> POWERBALL EURO
> E-MAILINTERNATIONAL will decline payment if such
> irregularity occurs.
>
> All participants were selected through a computer
> ballot system drawn
> from only Microsoft users from over 20,000.00
> companies and 3,000,000.00
> individual email addresses and names from all over
> the world. To begin
> your lottery claim, please contact our agent below
> that have been
> appointed forthe processing of your claim with your
> contact
> telephoneand fax number to begin the processing of
> your payment.
>
> ELIGIBILITY:
> This promotion is offered only electronically via
> the Internet and is
> open to all persons from age 18 years and above with
> a valid email address
> and who live in any of the aforementioned
> countries.This promotion is void
> in all other countries and is also void where
> prohibited.Principals and
> employees of POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL
> Promos and its
> respective Parents, subsidiaries and their immediate
> families are not
> eligible.
>
> CLAIMS PROCEDURES:
> It is our standard practice to allocate accredited
> agents for the
> processing of claims application. It is even more
> imperative for
> overseas winners. To begin your claims therefore,
> you are advised as a
> matter of
> urgency, to contact the under listed licensed and
> accredited claims
> agent for the processing of your prize awards
> winning. Please contact the
> clearing house (through your claims agent only) the
> body assigned with
> the verification of all emergent winner. Therefore
> all protocols laid down
> by them must be followed to facilitate your claims;
>
> CONTACT NAME: PETER RAYMUND
> CITY/ COUNTRY: LONDON, ENGLAND.
> TELEPHONE: +4470-2403-6554
> FAX: 44-841-735-5106
> EMAIL: claims_powerball007@...
>
> (1) Being one of the lucky winners, you constitute
> entrant's full and
> unconditional agreement to and acceptance of our
> terms and conditions
> of claims to avoid any discrepancy in the cause of
> payment of your prize
> awards winning.
>
> (2) To avoid double claims, you are advised to keep
> your winning
> details very confidential, as any discrepancies
> resulting from a breach of
> this
> confidentiality on the part of the winners will be
> covered solely by
> such winner as our staffs are bound by the oath of
> secrecy taken on
> employment.
>
> Congratulations again from all our staffs and thank
> you for being part
> of our Promotions program.
>
> Sincerely,
> Margaret Ferguson
> Co-coordinator.
> NB: PLEASE SEE THAT YOU QUOTE YOUR REF AND BATCH
> NUMBERS IN YOUR
> Correspondence TO YOUR CLAIMS AGENT.
>
>
****************************
fran m
________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Get your own web address.
Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business.
http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL
NOTICE...CONGRATULATIONS 2007!!!
West London,
43 North End Road, West Kensington, London W14 8SZ
Lucky Winner,
NOTICE...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
FROM THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT
POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL
PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPT
BATCH NO: PBL/67189098011/245679/1109
REF. NO: PBL/11278998789/908796//1109
WINNING NOTIFICATION / FINAL
NOTICE...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
This is to inform you of the release of the E-MAIL LOTTERY BALLOT
INTERNATIONAL/WORLD GAMING BOARD. Your name attached to ticket number
100190876290 with Serial number 801972719 drew the lucky numbers of
11-40-09-55-23, which consequently won the lottery in the 1st category.
You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payment of
1,000,000.00euros only, which is deposited with the UnitedKingdom
Clearing house in your favor as beneficiary and covered with HIGH INSURANCE
POLICY.
It is important that you keep your winning confidential to avoid people
garneringyour information and subsequently making claim with your
winning paraphernalia information’s, POWERBALL EURO
E-MAILINTERNATIONAL will decline payment if such irregularity occurs.
All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn
from only Microsoft users from over 20,000.00 companies and 3,000,000.00
individual email addresses and names from all over the world. To begin
your lottery claim, please contact our agent below that have been
appointed forthe processing of your claim with your contact
telephoneand fax number to begin the processing of your payment.
ELIGIBILITY:
This promotion is offered only electronically via the Internet and is
open to all persons from age 18 years and above with a valid email address
and who live in any of the aforementioned countries.This promotion is void
in all other countries and is also void where prohibited.Principals and
employees of POWERBALL EURO E-MAIL INTERNATIONAL Promos and its
respective Parents, subsidiaries and their immediate families are not
eligible.
CLAIMS PROCEDURES:
It is our standard practice to allocate accredited agents for the
processing of claims application. It is even more imperative for
overseas winners. To begin your claims therefore, you are advised as a
matter of
urgency, to contact the under listed licensed and accredited claims
agent for the processing of your prize awards winning. Please contact the
clearing house (through your claims agent only) the body assigned with
the verification of all emergent winner. Therefore all protocols laid down
by them must be followed to facilitate your claims;
CONTACT NAME: PETER RAYMUND
CITY/ COUNTRY: LONDON, ENGLAND.
TELEPHONE: +4470-2403-6554
FAX: 44-841-735-5106
EMAIL: claims_powerball007@...
(1) Being one of the lucky winners, you constitute entrant's full and
unconditional agreement to and acceptance of our terms and conditions
of claims to avoid any discrepancy in the cause of payment of your prize
awards winning.
(2) To avoid double claims, you are advised to keep your winning
details very confidential, as any discrepancies resulting from a breach of
this
confidentiality on the part of the winners will be covered solely by
such winner as our staffs are bound by the oath of secrecy taken on
employment.
Congratulations again from all our staffs and thank you for being part
of our Promotions program.
Sincerely,
Margaret Ferguson
Co-coordinator.
NB: PLEASE SEE THAT YOU QUOTE YOUR REF AND BATCH NUMBERS IN YOUR
Correspondence TO YOUR CLAIMS AGENT.
well melinda maybe you should check out the speed
dating coming to a library near you. its where you
bring along a favourite book and try to match up with
someone who has similar tastes.
--- melinda1982123 <melinda1982123@...> wrote:
> Hey~I am melinda, I Just saw your profile and knew
> we live in the same
> city, I am very interested in you. I consider myself
> outgoing, down-to-
> earth,very sexy and hot! Could you please check my
> profile out to see
> whether we share something similar? Talk to ya soon!
> Check out my
> profile at
> http://easy.to/singlehubs
>
>
****************************
fran m
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
Hey~I am melinda, I Just saw your profile and knew we live in the same
city, I am very interested in you. I consider myself outgoing, down-to-
earth,very sexy and hot! Could you please check my profile out to see
whether we share something similar? Talk to ya soon! Check out my
profile at
http://easy.to/singlehubs
whatever size you like! Im afraid they are the budget version, with
the transfers you buy from officeworks...i saw some good t shirts
(cotton) for 5.00 the other day so am stocking up. im playing around
with some different fonts...anyone know how those nice t shirts you
see are printed? are they screen printed? i saw some nice t shirts at
the cafe at the state library...might ask them how and where...
--- In lightheartedlibrarians@..., Narelle B
<narbell3@...> wrote:
>
> lol - what sizes do they come?
>
> Narelle Bell
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: fran m <fmonaghan2002@...>
> To: joke list <lightheartedlibrarians@...>
> Sent: Thursday, 14 December, 2006 5:03:19 PM
> Subject: [lightheartedlibrarians] t shirts for librarians
>
> well, they made ME laugh, and yes i wrote them:)
> "My other book is a von Rilke"
> "Nothing alien is human to me"
> "Knowledge re-worker"
> "Im just a singer in a roll'n'roll band"
> "Format agnostic.
> - so sue me"
>
> a good pic of a tshirt on one of my blogs
> (ripped from the gawker website i think)
> "yes. i am quietly judging you"
> http://alternativej obsforlibrarians .blogspot. com/
>
> ************ ********* *******
> fran m
>
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
> Cheap talk?
> Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
> http://voice. yahoo.com
>
>
>
> Send instant messages to your online friends
http://au.messenger.yahoo.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
lol - what sizes do they come?
Narelle Bell
----- Original Message ----
From: fran m <fmonaghan2002@...>
To: joke list <lightheartedlibrarians@...>
Sent: Thursday, 14 December, 2006 5:03:19 PM
Subject: [lightheartedlibrarians] t shirts for librarians
well, they made ME laugh, and yes i wrote them:)
"My other book is a von Rilke"
"Nothing alien is human to me"
"Knowledge re-worker"
"Im just a singer in a roll'n'roll band"
"Format agnostic.
- so sue me"
a good pic of a tshirt on one of my blogs
(ripped from the gawker website i think)
"yes. i am quietly judging you"
http://alternativej obsforlibrarians .blogspot. com/
************ ********* *******
fran m
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
Cheap talk?
Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
http://voice. yahoo.com
Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
well, they made ME laugh, and yes i wrote them:)
"My other book is a von Rilke"
"Nothing alien is human to me"
"Knowledge re-worker"
"Im just a singer in a roll'n'roll band"
"Format agnostic.
- so sue me"
a good pic of a tshirt on one of my blogs
(ripped from the gawker website i think)
"yes. i am quietly judging you"
http://alternativejobsforlibrarians.blogspot.com/
****************************
fran m
________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Cheap talk?
Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
http://voice.yahoo.com
derrr:)
****************************
fran m
________________________________________________________________________________\
____
Do you Yahoo!?
Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta.
http://new.mail.yahoo.com
Narelle Bell
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: "Lindsay, Karen" <klindsay@...>
To: oztl_net@...
Sent: Monday, 11 December, 2006 1:17:48 PM
Subject: [OZTL_NET] Librarian joke
Anyone else in need of a little humour?
A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse
me Miss, day ye hiv ony books on suicide?"
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her
glasses, and says, "Bugger off, ye'll no bring it back!"
Karen Lindsay, teacher-librarian
Narooma High School
Narooma, NSW, 2546
Australia
Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I liked that -and the one about asking the dragons in the office :)
Narelle Bell
----- Original Message ----
From: fran m <fmonaghan2002@...>
To: lightheartedlibrarians@...
Sent: Tuesday, 5 December, 2006 9:10:58 PM
Subject: [lightheartedlibrarians] re library quiz
oh very good nar, kids are pretty smart arent they
i had a good snicker over
"If I see stuff on the Internet that makes me uncomfortable, I should
tell all my friends where the website is so they don't get scared when
they go there by mistake."
Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com
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oh very good nar, kids are pretty smart arent they
i had a good snicker over
"If I see stuff on the Internet that makes me uncomfortable, I should
tell all my friends where the website is so they don't get scared when
they go there by mistake."
Narelle Bell
>Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...who lives with
a female roommate Maria... During the course of the meal, his mother
couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long
been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only
made her more curious.
>
>Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate
than met the eye.
>
>Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."
>
>About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?
>
>"Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sat down
and wrote:
>
>Dear Momma,
>
>I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not
saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been
missing ever since you were here for dinner.
>
>Love, Anthony
>
>Several days later, Anthony received a response e-mail from his
>Momma which read:
>
>Dear Son,
>
>I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that
you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was
sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
>
>Love, Momma
>
>
>
>Lesson: Never lie to your Momma
>
>_________________________________________________________________
realestate.com.au: the biggest address in property
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Dear Friend,
Please I would like to apply through this letter for your express
co-operationand to secure in your position an opportunity to invest and do joint
business with you in your country. I am looking forward to your urgent and
positive response for us to discuss details.
Sincerely,
Mr .Collins Mark
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got
there first.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who
weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Narelle Bell
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Do You Speak Computer-ese?
Home is where you hang your @.
The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
C:\ is the root of all directories.
Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
The modem is the message.
Too many clicks spoil the browse.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
There's no place like http://www.home.com
Don't byte off more than you can view.
What boots up must come down.
Windows will never cease.
Narelle Bell
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http://money.guardian.co.uk/work/story/0,,1924889,00.html
this made me laugh
5 Treat appraisals as auditions for panto
An appraisal is where you have an exchange of opinion
with your boss. It's called an exchange of opinion
because you go in with your opinion and leave with
their opinion. When you have had a bad year, the best
approach is a balance between cringeing apology and
grovelling sycophancy, something like: "My respect for
you is so intense that it sometimes distracted me,
thereby causing the continual string of major cock-ups
that have been the main feature of my performance this
year." Interestingly, giving appraisals is actually as
hard as getting them. The secret is to mix criticism
with recognition. For example: "You've made a number
of mistakes Martin, but we recognise you made them
because you are a total idiot."
8 Try not to upset anyone
Think how easy it is to upset someone at home and then
triple it: that is how easy it is to upset someone at
work. Upsetting your boss is the easiest thing to do
in the office (apart from their job that is). All you
have to do is turn up and you've got yourself well and
truly in their bad books. Keeping on the right side of
them is simply a matter of anticipating their every
whim, completing work before they decide it's needed
and laughing at their pathetic jokes rather than their
pathetic dress sense. People at the bottom of the
office pile are equally easy to upset. If your job is
to push a button you are not going to take kindly to
anyone who tells you where, when and how to push it.
Only those people who respect your absolute mastery of
button-pushing will be allowed to benefit from a
display of the aforesaid mastery.
17 Find the right person
Everyone in the office is the right person for
something. They have the experience, the programme,
the form, the docket, the knowledge or the key to make
something happen in the easiest manner possible. But
when somebody else wants to do this particular thing
the last person in the universe they will ask is the
right person. Instead they reinvent the wheel, take
their driving test and do a couple of horrific crash
tests. In this way everyone has to learn to do
everything from scratch. That is what they mean when
they talk about a learning organisation.
****************************
fran m
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"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston
Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest
Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -
Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a
friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
Narelle Bell
---------------------------------
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